Right this is difficult.

aliasojo

The angry denial is the bit that bothers me tbh. I would have thought that anyone who was doing this in a genuinely innocent, unthinking way would be a bit surprised and embarrassed to be pulled up about their actions and I would have expected a 'wow, I had no idea I was doing that, it honestly wasn't meant' type reply rather than an angry I'm NOT doing that type.

I have no idea if he is doing this meaningly or not but his reaction bothers me a little. Is it in character? Does he usually react in the same way to other things he is spoken to about?

Kimberley

aliasojo wrote: »

The angry denial is the bit that bothers me tbh. I would have thought that anyone who was doing this in a genuinely innocent, unthinking way would be a bit surprised and embarrassed to be pulled up about their actions and I would have expected a 'wow, I had no idea I was doing that, it honestly wasn't meant' type reply rather than an angry I'm NOT doing that type.

If he is getting nagged at all the time then it's not surprising he's getting angry by saying he's not doing it. If she is not careful then she could end up making him feel as if he cannot look at his daughters anymore. He may as well look away everytime they enter the room. The girls need to tell him how they feel when he looks and he may just take notice of them rather then the person nagging him.

Smashing

aliasojo wrote: »

The angry denial is the bit that bothers me tbh.

Ditto, but it could be due to 2 reasons - guilty conscience or the horror that his wife might think he's some kind of pervert.
It's the daughters' feelings that are paramount here and no matter how uncomfortable the discussion may be, no father would want the thought that they were making their child feel awkward or embarrased about their body.

He needs to put his feeling aside on this one.

aliasojo

Yes you could well be right Kimberley...which is why I asked what his normal reaction to things was. If this is the way he usually deals with things then fair enough. It's understandable he might feel nagged if he is always being pulled up.

However an angry denial of something can also sometimes mean the person has other issues perhaps. And I do wonder why he is unable to accept other people's assurances that he is actually doing this? Surely any Father would do what he could to make the girls feel better? Lord knows as parents, most of us will have done one thing or another to mollify our kids whether we thought it was necessary or not.

Errata

The girls are 12 years and 14 years old, they dont wear revealing clothes at all they even cover themselves up so much because of it, seriously i have talked to him and they have until we are blue in the face but he just shouts off and says he isnt doing it.

I wonder which part of this from the OP people are unable to understand.

Kimberley

He probably doesn't know he is doing it though so how can he do what they ask if he doesn't know? Like I said before the eye behaves in ways that we don't know, like we eye people up without realising. This father has habits of looking at womens breasts so because it's been a habit most of his life thats where his eyes are drawn. It's like when you walk along the road talking to yourself, you don't realise until you see people looking at you weird.

splishsplash

santos39 wrote: »

The girls are uncomfortable with it and we have all sat down with him and talked with him about it but each time we do we get a shouting match from him saying he isn't doing anything, so i really dont know where to go from here.I dont shout and scream at him i talk in a civilised manner to him about it.

He knows, he's been told by everyone more than once. He still does it.

Kimberley

splishsplash wrote: »

He knows, he's been told by everyone more than once. He still does it.

Thats because he doesn't realise. How can he stop if he doesn't know he does it?

Smashing

Kimberley wrote: »

Thats because he doesn't realise. How can he stop if he doesn't know he does it?

By developing a hefty sense of self awarenss and - if necessary - having it pointed out to him at the time he is doing it, although if I had to tell my dad to stop staring at my chest when I was 12 I would be mortified.

It all depends just how akward and uncomfortable he is happy to make his daughters.

splishsplash

Em, don't know how he can't realise he's doing it if he's been told more than once... the issue has been brought to his attention.
It's up to him to train himself out of such inappropriate behaviour.
If he can't, or won't, then there is a problem.