Right this is difficult.

Kimberley

I agree there Skintchick. I watched a program with Robert Winston (I think it was him) in which he said that the eye see's things that you are not aware off, it was something to do with dating, that you look at people around the room eyeing them up without realising. I can't explain it so more then likely he doesn't realise he is doing it.

santos39

Thanks guys for your replies i really do appreciate it,im just getting so upset with it i will try the angry approach to him i dont know what else to do , anyways thanks again.

Steph998

It sounds to me like you have done all the little chats you can...and he still doesn't hear what you are saying!

The thing is...of course it is totally inappropriate for a father to goggle at his daughter's breasts. Does he look at their friends chests too? I don't think he is a pervert - as you asked - I just think he is one of these men who just can't help themselves, and really need to be shown what they are doing before they will take it seriously. My ex husband was the same...he used to almost drool at my friends when he spoke to them - and he always spoke to their chests. I used to be mortified - and hurt - and he was always really surprised when I mentioned it and said it was nothing. But none of my friends thought it was 'nothing' and eventually he was well known for being a bit of a letch. Hence the ex husband status (amongst other things.)

Anyway...he must know he does it, and he must feel guilty, hence the denial. I defy ANY red blooded man not to have a look at a pair of young female pert boobs. I bet every father in the world has noticed his daughters developing body and thought .....oh-er...then checked himself, realising how wrong it is to find your own daughter sexually attractive, so they make sure they never do it again. But to keep doing it....nah. And...you know, it will only get worse, as they both develop more.

I wish there was a way of discreetly videoing him (lol) so he could see just how he is behaving.

I hope you sort this out, maybe if things get really bad you could go to the GP and explain things and ask for family concilliation...where someone else sits in while you discuss the problem? Is there another, older member of the extended family that has ever witnessed this? That can vouch that he is doing this and make him see sense?

Pssst

I presume you are talking about a "mate" and his daughters?

There are a couple of conflicts.

The first one is,if the girls are aware of it and it makes them uncomfortable then he needs to sort himself out (not literally)

The other is an inner conflict at perhaps having sexual thoughts about your own daughter.

I cant really comment on this as i dont have a daughter that i know of. Perhaps others could comment?

Men are easily stimulated visually and i always say that beauty is to be admired but only in appropriate circumstances and in an appropriate manner.

anguk

squirrelchops wrote: »

I am more shocked that he cannot see how his actions are deeply inappropriate. These are his children......he is a parent and you do not do things that make your children uncomroftable when it is reagrding their sexuality.

I am not labelling him as a pervert etc but he needs to understand how his position as their father, yet his blatant ogling is a complete abuse of his power in the familial relationship.

I cannot believe you have all had to sit down and 'talk about it'.......he is their father and should know this type of behaviour is unacceptable.

I agree with this, I would be furious if it was me.

You've already tried several times to talk to him about it and his daughters have told him how uncomfortable they feel yet he's still doing it! Those poor girls shouldn't have to cover up in their own house because their father is ogling at their chest. :mad:

I know men sometimes can't help themselves and are automatically drawn to womens chests but ogling your own daughters crosses the line. Especially when he's been told many times to stop.

Edit: I've just asked my OH, we've got a 15 year old daughter, and to put it mildly, he thinks it's sick that a man would ogle his own daughters breasts. Obviously he's noticed our daughter has developed but that's it, to him she's still his little girl. He says if the guy has been told several times to stop and he's still doing it then there's something very wrong.

view

Next time he does it, catch him in the act and say 'where are you eyes this very second' make him feel uncomfortable doing it - perhaps it it just somethign he does and doesn't really connect with what he is doing, but the fact is, he does it. So point it out when he does it every time he does it .

Talk it over with your daughter/s first - they're obviuosly acutely aware of this and it can only have detrimental effect on their self esteem and the way they 'see' their bodies in the future.

Hope this works, I am speaking from experience....

Steel_2

Pssst wrote: »

I presume you are talking about a "mate" and his daughters?

There are a couple of conflicts.

The first one is,if the girls are aware of it and it makes them uncomfortable then he needs to sort himself out (not literally)

The other is an inner conflict at perhaps having sexual thoughts about your own daughter.

I cant really comment on this as i dont have a daughter that i know of. Perhaps others could comment?

Men are easily stimulated visually and i always say that beauty is to be admired but only in appropriate circumstances and in an appropriate manner.

I got the impression that Op is female and the man is her partner, not male and possibly the father.

santos39

I am the mother and he is the real father of the girls. I have spoken to him again about it tonight and raised my voice, his reply shouting "I am not looking at them for the 100th time dont keep on or i will walk out and you will never see me again end of".
So there i have it he wont admit to what he is doing and he will leave if i say anything about it again.
So my answer is to show him the door.
Thank you for all your replies

Kimberley

santos39 wrote: »

I am the mother and he is the real father of the girls. I have spoken to him again about it tonight and raised my voice, his reply shouting "I am not looking at them for the 100th time dont keep on or i will walk out and you will never see me again end of".
So there i have it he wont admit to what he is doing and he will leave if i say anything about it again.
So my answer is to show him the door.
Thank you for all your replies

Your being unfair on him to show him the door just because of this. Your probably making him feel like a !!!!!!. Some fathers feel they cannot bathe their kids or sit them on their laps anymore in case they are accused of abuse. He's not doing anything wrong except for making his daughters feel uncomfortable. Maybe the girls need to have a chat with him themselves.

Kimberley

I just want to say that when I look at how my daughter is growing up into a beautiful young women, I look at her all over with pride. I look at her boobs, it doesn't mean I'm oggling her and it shouldn't be any different for a father and as I have said before he's hopefully not looking at his daughters boobs in a sexual way but in a way where he can see she is growing into a women. I've asked my middle son if he has grown any pubic hairs yet or has started getting sexual feelings such as wet dreams but it doesn't mean i'm a !!!!!! for goodness sakes. If their father for example asks them if they have started their periods yet, it doesn't mean that there is any malice in it.