advice re nans rights to live in own home

tiamai_d

Just wanted to say that I feel the same way towards my Grandfather. He has dementia (brought on by alcoholism) and is in a NHS mental hospital as he was violent. He was such a nasty vile man that the only person who now visits him is my dad out of some family loyalty.

I don't see why I should forgive him now he is old and vulnerable. He treated us like crap throughout our childhood till we were old enough to tell him to sod off.

Can't help re the house sorry.

Curious_George_2

Thanks everyone,

Its her house so if it needed to be sold to pay for her care then i very much doubt there would be a problem, mum moved in as a temporary measure and knows she needs to move out, she owns her own flat elsewhere so she could always go back there or find somewhere else here if she wanted to keep renting it out, so the homelessness bit isnt really a problem.

apparently nan has been assessed before and when the docs / whoever are there shes chirpy, responsive and answers all the questions like any 'normal' person would, i have never been there while one of these assesments is happening so i dont really understand why nobody butts in and tells the assessors that shes lying through her teeth to them
i also dont get why when she says to them that she can walk etc and the carers say oh no she cant that they seem to believe nan,

get her sectioned you say.... hmmnn....

annie d - she literally cant move, other than fall out of her chair / bed so id say its a physical problem more than anything else, she might tell you that she can dance the hula... but its not actually hurting anyone,
she wouldnt be a danger to anyone if she didnt have that bloody careline thing

errata - you only quoted half of my statement and made it look out of context, i wasnt complaining that the docs put her to the back of the list, i was saying that if they know that shes just wasting thier time to the extent that they rarely come, they actually just phone my mother to ask if its really nessessary, then why cant they do something about it regardless of my nans insistance that she doesnt want to go into a home.

she currently pays for all her care already, i only know this as recently we discovered my aunt has been using nans bank account as her own and has fleeced her for thousands (i know... add to this the fact that my sister is about to marry a man shes known for 6 months and move abroad with him and its like bloody eastenders round here :rolleyes: i swear to god one day i will find out im really adopted and i will be so happy)

tiamai-d thanks, its nice to know that my feelings for her arent stopping you good people from answering this thread, she was truly horrible to me and i disowned her when i found out i was pregnant, as if i had caught her treating my kids the way she treated me i would probably have smothered the old witch, so to save myself the prison sentance, i just cut her out of my life....
mum moving in there was a pain at first but its always fun seeing the carers react when they realise im the grand daughter there with the great grand children and we dont go anywhere near the front room where she sits and festers!

cat_lady_4

curious george- old people are simply young people who have got old. dont feel guilty.

Money_maker

If she's passing all the tests checking her mentality (such as memory recall etc.) then I dont see how they can section her. Many people live at home in dire circumstances cos they dont want to go into a home.

If you could try to get her to go in for a week - sort of like respite care but call it a holiday, she may like the look of it then it could be tentatively suggested she considers moving in. Most old people have respect for at least one person - could be a doctor, friend, family member, social services contact or carer. If you could find the person she respects, that is the person to talk to her.

As a community carer, unless we know why the family avoids a relative, they can be looked on quite unsympathetically.

foreign_correspondent

Ultimately, under the 'mental capacity act', if she is judged to have the mental capacity to make her own decisions she has the same right as you and I do to make choices about where we live.

Clearly she has been assesed and is believed to have mental capacity - so cannot be moved or sectioned. Yes, she sounds like a right old pain in the behind, but that does not negate her rights.

MrsTinks

If she is abusing the 999 facility then it might be worth speaking to your local trust and speak to them? Chances are they are well aware of her (my ex is a paramedic and there are several people round here who the ambulance trust loathe calls for because all they actually want is someone to chat to, no medical problems! I recall him getting diciplined once for telling someone what he thought about calling for an ambulance on 999 for a plaster - it was raining and she didn't want to go out to get a plaster from the shops because she'd get wet... )
It might be that the trust can go through legal routes to basically be given leave to ignore her calls or not treat them as red calls at least and merely treat calls from her as blue. (Blue is basically a doctors urgent but doesn't warrant lights and sirens - they'll come out, but only once other urgent calls have been dealt with)

Curious_George_2

cat lady - thanks, i dont feel guilty though, (euthanasia is a marvellous thing lol) i feel nothing for her, i dont even think i hate her anymore... shes just nothing to me, thats why i thought you might all shout at me! lol

money maker - a friend suggested the same thing to me, get her to go in for a holiday, and sometimes they have such a lovely time and realise how wonderful it is to have people around all the time they dont mind moving in for good

she does get visits occasionally from other family, more now that mum lives there obviously as they visit mum and pop in to her room to say hello, but the sensible members of our clan live nowhere near here, her other daughter has been caught robbing her blind and while she chooses not to believe this understandably my mum doesnt like letting her in the house,
the majority of the carers dont even know about me, i hate being in that house so am rarely there despite it being 5 minutes up the road from mine.

foreign correspondent - i know what your getting at, but what about everybody elses rights to an ambulance when they need one?

thanks for the advice Mrs Tine - it may well come to that, things cant carry on as they are
ps - the dog in your avatar is the absolute spit of one we had when i was growing up, ive wanted to mention it for a while but we were never on the same thread at the right time if you know what i mean....
will pop up a pic in a minute... its really uncanny!

Errata

MrsTine wrote: »

If she is abusing the 999 facility then it might be worth speaking to your local trust and speak to them? Chances are they are well aware of her (my ex is a paramedic and there are several people round here who the ambulance trust loathe calls for because all they actually want is someone to chat to, no medical problems! I recall him getting diciplined once for telling someone what he thought about calling for an ambulance on 999 for a plaster - it was raining and she didn't want to go out to get a plaster from the shops because she'd get wet... )
It might be that the trust can go through legal routes to basically be given leave to ignore her calls or not treat them as red calls at least and merely treat calls from her as blue. (Blue is basically a doctors urgent but doesn't warrant lights and sirens - they'll come out, but only once other urgent calls have been dealt with)

Patient confidentiality will prevent the Trust having this sort of discussion with a relative.

foreign_correspondent

Well, her right to an ambulance, someone else's right to the same ambulance, and her rights to live in her own home are three seperates issues in a way, although they all impact on each other.

If she is becoming a nuisance to the paramedics they will have strategies in place to manage and deal with that, and that is their business really... they get a lot of these calls and do ask a lot of questions to judge the urgency of need of each caller.

Her right to live in her own home is judged on her mental capacity, this is set out in law in the Mental Capacity Act.

To take away someone's choice about where they want to live if they are competent to make their own decisions is actually illegal and a breach of their rights. If you think anything about hr ability to make decisions has changed since she was last assessed, you, or your mum could ask for her to be re-assesed.

Legally, she has as much right as any nice old lady to have care at home, to use careline (or whatever the buzzer pendant service is in your area) and to live in her own home.

Curious_George_2

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

Legally, she has as much right as any nice old lady to have care at home, to use careline (or whatever the buzzer pendant service is in your area) and to live in her own home.

was really hoping you were not going to finish with that!

i just find it bizarre that she gets assessed and the people ticking the forms cant see past what shes saying,
it seems they can ask her "are you getting about alright, can you get up" etc
but they cant ask her to actually do it, because if they did they would see she couldnt shift herself if the house was on fire!
she tells them all sorts of wonderful stories, then 10 minutes later is complaining to my mother that the people havent come yet and she wants to go to bed before they get there,

despite not having left the front room let alone the house for years she would happily tell the paramedics that shes been down the shops this morning and come over all funny but shes ok now, dont worry yourselves sorry for the bother" etc then as soon as they leave shes crying to my mum screaming at her telling her that they should have taken her to hospital,

can she be put into respite against her will?
i know my grandad didnt want to go either but she made sure he was out of the house before he knew what hit him...