Shocked - Meeting at School

andyrules

Damzel_In_Distress wrote: »

I agree with most of the rest of your post-But how is repeatedly kicking someone not violent behaviour? Its hardly just cheeky is it!

Did you read poet's reply? She explained that quite possibly he lay on the floor flailing his feet, and some hit home. There is all the difference in the world between that and a planned assault. The op still hasn't explained any details about the bullying, but IF this is the case (and IF the girl is involved) then he may well have reached breaking point.

Just a point to the op from another perspective - if the cheeky/disruptive behaviour continued the 'lovable rogue' image would soon wear thin;)

YorkiePud_3

Well I am sorry if my opinion upset the OP ... but if you post on a public board inviting people to give their opinion, then chances are you will get posts you disagree with!

As individuals, we all have our own ideas of what is acceptable and what isn't .. the limit of excusable behaviour is obviously more far reaching for some than others. C'est la vie ... it's how we all are and wouldn't be right for us all to think the same and have the same rules and boundaries.

I admit I was posting with the little girl uppermost in my mind .. and as a parent of a child who had been repeatedly kicked then I was just saying don't necessarily expect a heartfelt thank you if you turn up on the door with a peace offering ... yes, I can understand the gesture ... but they may not and that would be understandable.

They will have had to deal with a little girl in one hell of a state who may not want to go to school incase something like this happens to her again.
That isn't being OTT ... that's considering how she feels.
She won't rationalise that it was (hopefully) a one off .... and let's face it, any parent whose child has been through (and could still be going through) being scared like that isn't exactly going to invite you in for a coffee so soon after the event!!

Anyway, despite us all having different opinions, let's not lose track of the fact that this involves two children ... both of them scared and one of them hurt ... they are the most important here ...

The little boy who can be cheeky/disruptive (which we probably all jumped on and immediately painted him blacker than black) and the little girl we have no knowledge of.

Can there be any surprise why some immediately took against the boy for an unwarranted attack?

At the end of the day, only two people know what REALLY happened ... the boy and the girl .. and one thing we ought to think though, is that both of them may just be building this up into something it wasn't in order to get a bit of attention.

Time passes, the little girl will hopefully not let it get to her and affect her. The boy will hopefully be helped to not get to that point again. The worrying thing is that some people dismiss it and the seriousness of it because of his age but the one bit of hope is that the OP is wanting to do something NOW to reign it and hopefully stop it happening again because if it escalated then, as has been said, in a few years, he'd be talking with the authorities and not just a worried Mum and his teacher.

Whatever we say doesn't matter and it makes no difference to go over what happened ... what matters is what is done now to ensure two kids feel happy and secure at school.

leiela

Ok having spent the last few days going back and forth to the school, having spoken to my son, having spoken to the teacher who has now had chance to speak to other children in the class who witnessed what happened i think i have the full story.

Firstly a gang of older boy's where playing football... my son asked to join in and they let him, after about 15 minutes of him playing nicely. Another boy from the same class as the older boy's he was playing football with came over and randomly pushed him over (this was witnessed by at least 4 other children).

On the floor this older boy (2 years older) Put his foot on my son's chest keeping him on the ground and told him that he wasn't welcome to play and to basically get lost. Kids being kids the other boys didn't stick up for my son they just watched as this occured, my son was let up and crying my son began leave. it's also worth noting my son did have mud on his jumper that night, but with everything i didn't think about it, i figured it was part and parcel of everthing that had gone on but it does tie in with him being knocked to the floor on the grass.

As he left and just as he got off the grass and onto the playground the older boy ran up behind him and shoved him for a second time sending him to the floor again. Grazing my sons hands While all the kids laughed including the girl involved (The kids who watched have admited this though the original bully isn't really confessing to much).

My son got up again, still crying and was heard to say that he was "telling the teacher" as he passed the girl she remarked that "he was rubbish at football and thats why the big boys wouldn't let him play"

He lost his temper and hit her, she hit him back knocking him to the floor he screamed at her "to leave him alone" and lashed out with his feet which caught her a few times. The reason the brusing is so bad on her legs is because when he kicked her she didn't move out of the way instead she stood there trying to kick him back. (something that only came to light when the other kids where questioned)

Naturally i understand my son has attention issues, and i am working in conjunction with the school and the schools councilor to deal with them and in all fairness to my son even the teacher has told me repeatedly that my sons behaviour is "not that bad" and that "she has alot worse to deal with".

My son "is not badly behaved" he "can be badly behaved" but tbh the teacher and councilor are pleased with his progress and have frequently told me that he's lucky to have parents that work so closely with them to deal with the issues as frankly most parent's just don't care.

It's also worth noting my son is not badly behaved at home because mum and dad wouldn't let him get away with it. The problems only arose at his first parent teacher meeting where his teacher said he could be alittle difficult to control. Silly things like he wouldn't sit on the mat for storytime which is naturally an issue for a teacher when you have a whole class to deal with. When i found out what was going on with school i was quite upset because i didn't hear about it till it had been going on for 6 months.

The problem is being solved, and is caused by the fact that my son does love attention and is an intelligent little boy, he'd quickly realised that the teachers power was limited, she could tell him to sit down but she couldn't MAKE him sit down.

The solution has been quite simple and involves good communication between me and the teachers, if he misbehaves in school they TELL me straight away and my son knows there are consiquences. The teacher might not have power but mummy does.. and if he doens't do what he's told for his teacher mummy is going to be upset and punish him.

Unfortunatly in the early days there was a power struggle bettween him and his teacher, and tried to push her to see exactly what he could get away with, and without the knowledge that anything was going on, i was powerless to help.

As i have already said my sons last report card was brilliant he's making wonderful progress he's earned several merit cards this year and was the 4th in his class to compleate his star chart for good behaviour (my son responds VERY well to positive re-inforcement)

I went to the school this morning spoke with his teacher about sending a letter to the girls parents and she's agreed to pass it on if i write one, but told me the girls parents where happy that it was being delt with but that they weren't overly concerned because the little girl had brushed it off and was frequently in fights with her brothers and sisters so it was no big deal.

She also told me not to stress myself about it too much she was certain it was an isolated incident and could barely belive it had happened herself. She also said that he did seem very very sorry and laughed that the her class seemed almost dead yesterday without his usual fun and games.

Threadhead

Did the little girl just stand there while he kicked her? Thats strange.

I hope it all gets sorted out.

Edit: just read your post - I feel really bad for your boy. My ds was about the same age when he stood up to a girl in his class who was bullying him. Similarly to you, I was called into the school. The head teacher told me "i shouldnt really say this, but maybe its for the best. Maybe she'll leave him alone now."
I hope your boy has some nice friends to play with.

vik6525

Ive followed this thread from the start, and although I havent really got any advice as such, I just wanted to send you and your son (((hugs)))...

It sounds to me like the poor little blighter was being picked on something rotten. In fact, I feel sorrier for him than the girl involved. Sorry if that sounds like Im a bit uncaring, but it seems to me that had she not been so ruddy spiteful to him, he'd never have lashed out.

Anyway, take care the both of you xxx

Sparkkee

vik6525 wrote: »

In fact, I feel sorrier for him than the girl involved. Sorry if that sounds like Im a bit uncaring, but it seems to me that had she not been so ruddy spiteful to him, he'd never have lashed out.

I agree - it was a bad thing for him to have done and he should be punished, but I can imagine the shame he felt and I can imagine my son lashing out the same way if it happened to him.

It's not right, but there are two sides to every story.

clairehi

Leiela, I agree with Vik above and really feel for your son, it sounds shocking.

It is so often the case that it is the child who lashes out in retaliation that is the one who gets in trouble! And there are so many fights over playground football at our school that it gets banned periodically.

In this case it is bad that a teacher or midday supervisor did not intervene while your son was being attacked. all the other kids need to be taught not to just stand by and watch this kind of behaviour.

Unfortunately I have to say from experience that I dont think you are going to get a lot of help by posting on this forum about problems with kids/schools. You just end up getting a load of abuse from people who get a kick out of putting others down for their parenting skills. PM me if u like though!

vik6525

Sparkkee wrote: »

I agree - it was a bad thing for him to have done and he should be punished, but I can imagine the shame he felt and I can imagine my son lashing out the same way if it happened to him.

It's not right, but there are two sides to every story.

I can imagine ANYONE lashing out in the same way to be honest.

All this talk of counsellors, and parenting classes, to be perfectly frank, is a load of rubbish in my opinion. He's a child. He didnt have the verbal ability to tell her to just leave him alone. He'd had a HORRIBLE experience, which must have left him feeling very frightened, and very embarassed. And then she just went and rubbed salt into the wound.

Poor kid. Give him a hug from me OP!

mrcow

Sheesh - who is supervising all this at lunchtimes?

As for the teacher "making" him do as his told at school. I'd be telling the teacher that she's got my full supprt to send him to do his work on his own at a desk outside the head's office if he doesn't behave. School is not a place for pushing boundaries. Those boundaries are set quite clearly and are not flexible.

Girlzmum

I've been reading this thread and am completely horrified at peoples responses - it is clear from the OP that she has been apalled by her sons behaviour, he is being punished and he knows himself that what he did was wrong. What more can people expect her to do?

To the people who seem to want to have the boy hung, drawn and quartered I truly hope your own children don't experience being picked on and lash out at another child - what would you do?