What to do, when your child, who is your world, has failed you.

mandragora_2

Night then. And good self-advice there. I'm off too!

redwineguzzler

Hi there,

I am going through EXACTLY what you are going through right now, it's so so difficult, and I don't know which way to turn..
I have a thread very very similar to yours - please read.
Please please feel free to PM me, perhaps we could try to support each other.
X

RachelW1987

Hi and sending out love to you! It could be pills or speed if he has no hunger and anger issues. I went through a stage when I was 17-19 of taking speed recreationally so would start on a friday day/night be up all saturday and sunday and back to work on monday, I would be snappy and horrible all week. I argued with everyone, I finially realised that it wasn't worth it and haven't touched it for about 2 years.

I would leave it and see if it gets any worse or better. Most kids experiment with pot/speed/coke and grow out of it. Just keep a watchful eye. My mam never said anything to be but I think she knew and I worked it out for myself that life isn't worth wasting on being smashed out your face all week. Good luck

k1mmie

Steph998 wrote: »

Thank you all.

...and still, we have ended up with a testing child who seems to be utterly selfish, and intent on satifying his own desires with no thought for others.

We will continue to be there for Dan, no matter what.

I would say this sums up most teenagers! He is not trying to hurt you but as you mention satisfy his needs. There has been a lot of good advice on here, good luck withwhatever course you take.

Pee

As other posters have said, there is more than one drug, there is more than one effect on a person from a drug, there is more than one way to use drugs.

Drugs doesn't mean the end of your life.

I have known people doing most drugs in most ways. Heroin addicts always say but I wouldn't go near Crack, that's the dangerous stuff. I know one person who used crack and heroin and proceeded to live a perfectly good useful life, doing a very good job of caring for a young son, drinking only very occassionally and smoking the ocassional joint. I knew my ex who died of alcohol and methodone abuse as a direct result of the heroin that had ruined his life, a wonderful, charming, talented man that neither I nor any of his other family members could help. And dealing with someone drinking is much harder than dealing with someone with a Heroin problem.

I don't know how you find out more about your sons use, frequency, what he is using, why he is using it, but saying someone is doing drugs is like saying someone drinks. It's too general.

Eitherway, it is impossibly hard to sit on the sidelines and worry without knowing what is happening, and I do feel for you.

Damzel_In_Distress

Why are you using the words "failed you" What a terrible thing to say about your child.

I understand being upset,even dissapointed,but i think to say your child has failed you is a terrible thing to say.

Steph998

We've had a terrible few days since I posted. My son has had some sort of serious breakdown, and is now back at home and we are seeking professional medical help.

To the last poster....perhaps I have also failed him.

However, in my opinion, he has failed (so far) to become the adult I hoped he would be. I am not sorry that offends you - it is how I feel. I would never tell him that. All I ever do is give him unconditional love and support, and will continue to do so.

It's not my life - I understand that. It is his. He has not failed in his own life - how can he....at 18, he has not lived it yet.

But my disappointment in him, given the chances he has had in life, is huge. He has made bad choice after bad choice. He has never learned from his mistakes.

To my mind this is failure. However, the only way now is up, and I intend to be underneath, supporting him every step of the way. And if he fails again, I will be there again.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Steph I am glad he is back home, without knowing all the details it does sound like a step in the right direction and as though he is admitting he needs help so that has to be a start?

Also I take it your OH is in agreement to him coming home given what has gone on in the past and now?

Stephb1986_2

Hi Steph,

I have no advice really sorry just wanted to send you love and hugs

Steph xx

Lunar_Eclipse

Steph998 wrote: »

However, in my opinion, he has failed (so far) to become the adult I hoped he would be. I am not sorry that offends you - it is how I feel. I would never tell him that. All I ever do is give him unconditional love and support, and will continue to do so.

But my disappointment in him, given the chances he has had in life, is huge. He has made bad choice after bad choice. He has never learned from his mistakes.

To my mind this is failure. However, the only way now is up, and I intend to be underneath, supporting him every step of the way. And if he fails again, I will be there again.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your son. Although I'm completely lost as to what is going on, apart from some degree of drug use. It's thus hard to know whether this is recreational and normal teenage behaviour, or whether it's life threatening. I'm assuming the former in the absence of information on the latter.

So whilst I understand where you are coming from, I don't understand the way you see it; if he fails again. At what exactly? Is it about choices you would rather he didn't make? Life is not about pass or fail, apart from school exams perhaps. It's not clear what he has failed at, besides being the person you hoped he would be, which I'm not sure really comes into it, as hard as that is for us parents to accept.:o

And unless your son is really dim, which I doubt, he is probably fully aware of how you feel. Regardless of the fact that you would never tell him that. So I suggest thinking about the long term and the adult relationship you desire with him. And intervening in the drug issue if medical help is paramount. Try not to worry too much, unless I've not read correctly between the lines.:)

All the best that things get back on track for you both soon. Take care.