What to do, when your child, who is your world, has failed you.

the_rottweiler

I have no direct experience but I do have a 16 and 15 year old and the thought terrifies me
Try this site they do have a section for families, perhaps they can advise you

http://www.talktofrank.com/section.aspx?ID=112

mandragora_2

A tough one. All the best, and try to hang in there, but take care of yourselves too, and the others in your family.


How do you get on with your GP? When they're good at this kind of stuff, they can be very good - advice; guidance and helping you to take a bit of a wider perspective.

Thinking of you

feelinggood_2

Steph998 wrote: »

I am sitting here, desperate for help, and wondering if perhaps I should just shrug my shoulders, and give up....we have tried so hard to help and support him! My OH and I are fed up (understatement) but at the root of it all, we I love him, and seriously..where to turn?

There is a group called Families Anonymous.

http://www.famanon.org.uk/

"Families Anonymous is a world wide fellowship of relatives and friends of people involved in the abuse of mind-altering substances, or with related behavioural problems".

If you get in touch with them, you'll be able to meet people who have been affected by someone elses drug taking. Sometimes knowing you aren't alone can really help, and you can get practical, real advice on how to cope with this.

I'm sorry you are in such an awful situation.

Perhaps not helpful, but I wanted to say that I've been through addiction and come out the other side. While I'm sure there are a lot of differences between your Sons story and mine, I just wanted to share that things can get better, and people can recover. The journey isn't easy though, and I hope you find support.

Steph998

Some will remember my previous posts on my 'difficult teenager'.

I have so much guilt, for allowing my husband (his stepfather) to kick him out into his own flat....if he was at home, would he have had so much freedom to 'indulge' himself ? If we had been around 24/7, would he have been able to get into so much trouble? Either way..where did he get the money...?

Steph998

Thank you ALL for your helpful posts

Steph
xx

mandragora_2

Steph998 wrote: »

Some will remember my previous posts on my 'difficult teenager'.

I have so much guilt, for allowing my husband (his stepfather) to kick him out into his own flat....if he was at home, would he have had so much freedom to 'indulge' himself ? If we had been around 24/7, would he have been able to get into so much trouble? Either way..where did he get the money...?

Don't beat yourself up with questions you will never know the answer to, and which won't change anything anyway. Just try to get through this now one (fairy step) at a time. It can be hell dealing with something like this, and at the time, you wonder how on earth you'll ever get through. Just one day at a time - and look after each other.

Errata

Steph, you can't turn the clock back. Nobody will benefit from you torturing yourself with the 'what ifs', and you need all your energy to cope with the here and now.

Steph998

Thank you all.

I just have to say...for anyone reading this, we come from a (probably) 'upper class' background, we gave Dan everything, we dealt sensitively (we thought) with the big issues...school, bullying, sex, internet, drugs, self esteem, communication....and still, we have ended up with a testing child who seems to be utterly selfish, and intent on satifying his own desires with no thought for others.

We will continue to be there for Dan, no matter what.

mandragora_2

Which is why you need to take advice - you might need not to (be there, I mean), for a while. Sometimes, and in some cases, you need to put a bit of distance between you - as you said in your first post, 'let go and let them get on with it' s never easy, when youl ove them, but sometimes the only thing you can do. For them. For yourselves.

Steph998

Yes. Perhaps we do need to let go. Or at least.....let others in. Which is why, in the light of day (or at least tomorrow morning) will ask for real time help, instead of relying on cyberspace advice only.....not to say I have benefited greatly from you all.

With thanks
Steph