Ever feel trapped???

Dormouse

Silverbird wrote: »

No need - I was 11 (and the eldest) when my youngest brother was born and I still recall all the hard work involved (I helped out a lot by choice). But I also remember the joy.

I'm more concerned about the change to the relationship with my OH once kids come along, which obviously I have no experience of and the lack of time to do other things, which didn't come into play when I was younger.

I think you'll be fine. You obviously have experience of looking after a little one, so that side of thing should be a doddle (well, you know what I mean, LOL!). I had never changed a nappy or held a baby for more than a couple of seconds before I had my DS1!

As for the relationships issue, I certainly think it's when you have a baby that your relationship gets tested like never before. Dealing with sleepless nights, financial issues, the whole change of lifestyle is tough for anyone, but on the plus side, if the relationship is meant to be, it will not only survive the baby, it will get better. You'll (hopefully) see a side to your OH that you've never seen (and vice versa): it's lovely seeing the man you love as a loving parent. :happyhear

So anyway, I do hope this thread is not going to put you off having kids. :eek: Much as we complain about them, they are great, and they do bring a new meaning to life. :A They are just annoying little so-and-sos who never let you finish a cup of tea as well! :rotfl:

But yes, if you're planning on trying for a baby in a couple of years, I would make the most of the time you have as a couple. :j

Felicity

Silverbird wrote: »

To somebody who has yet to have kids (but hoping to try in a couple of years), this all makes interesting (and slightly scary!) reading.

I do like my 'me' time. Just a half hour reading or on the 'net or watching a film.

I live 200 miles from all friends and family.

Am I likely to have a tough time of it too?! I guess you just adjust because you have to and because you made the decision to bring this child into the world? Does having a child mean you can no longer pursue your hobbies or interests at all or does it just take a while to adjust?

Another thing that worries me is that we would need for me to work part-time, as otherwise I don't know how we would afford everything (neither of us are in particularly well paid jobs). I'm concerned that I would never see my OH and that really saddens me. I miss him even when he's out of the house an hour or so. We're best of friends and do everything together.

I don't really expect answers - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

Very interesting reading!

Please don't be put off, I guess we are just letting off steam here, everybody needs to do that at some point regarding some aspect of their life.

I wouldn't change a thing and I certainly don't regret having our little boy, gosh he is absolutely the best thing in the world to have happened to us.

Life just changes. I used to have a high flying career, travel all over the world, attend high powered meetings regularly, earn big commission cheques, drive flash company cars etc.

Yes I miss that lifestyle, but my little boy gives me so much more than any of that and I feel that life is so much more valuable now.

Your relationship with your OH will definitely change when you have a baby but I believe it will change for the better. You have this little person in common and you will be dedicated to giving them the best start in life and that brings you together so much more (I believe).

You will never ever know a love like it until you become a mother. It is something so different than I have ever experienced and it is difficult to explain. If you have a solid relationship with your OH, your relationship will only become stronger as you both see each other in a totally new role and through different eyes altogether. Oh, and you will also appreciate your own parents so much more.

To the OP, I put my son in nursery for 5 hours a week to help him socialise. I checked out a few nurseries before doing so until I found somewhere I was totally happy leaving him. I nearly turned around to pick him up the first few times as it was very difficult for me to leave him but I thought it was best for him.

We live out in the sticks so it takes me 2 hours there and back to drop him off and collect him, leaving me with 3 hours to come home and get my much needed housework done.

That 3 hours is a gym workout for me (I have quite a big house to clean up within a very short space of time) and also me time as I put Abba on full blast and go wild. Fortunately we live in a detached house and so the noise is not a problem.

In my younger, wilder days, nights out always ended up with me and my friends going crazy to Abba in my front room, often on the table, so this is me grabbing back some of that 'me time' (all be in not half cut in a LBD!).

Silverbird

Thank you ever so much to Dormouse and Felicity - what interesting and helpful posts (and apologies to the OP as I've hijacked the thread a little!!)

Hubby and I have the most amazing relationship and so I'm quite sure it will only get stronger when we're parents and I just know we're going to be great parents. I can't wait to see him as a Dad.

Thanks for your reassurances and advice. I really appreciate it x x

nadnad

Dormouse wrote: »

Oh OP, I do know how you feel.

Felicity's post made me smile too (because it's so true!) - the bit about being able to go to Tesco by yourself is such a treat, LOL! :rotfl:

lol and i thought it was just me who loved the weekly baby free tesco outing!

nadnad

Silverbird wrote: »

To somebody who has yet to have kids (but hoping to try in a couple of years), this all makes interesting (and slightly scary!) reading.

I do like my 'me' time. Just a half hour reading or on the 'net or watching a film.

I live 200 miles from all friends and family.

Am I likely to have a tough time of it too?! I guess you just adjust because you have to and because you made the decision to bring this child into the world? Does having a child mean you can no longer pursue your hobbies or interests at all or does it just take a while to adjust?

Another thing that worries me is that we would need for me to work part-time, as otherwise I don't know how we would afford everything (neither of us are in particularly well paid jobs). I'm concerned that I would never see my OH and that really saddens me. I miss him even when he's out of the house an hour or so. We're best of friends and do everything together.

I don't really expect answers - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

Very interesting reading!

you've had lots of reassuring answers but I'm sure you're aware from reading this thread alone that your life is never your own. i find it very difficult sometimes because I have no one to look after my LO unless my husband is home from work, and I see you have no family close - that makes it extra hard I think. All the people with family close by who are willing to mind the children for a while don't know how lucky they are! It makes everything so much easier.

Regarding hobbies and things i have NONE! I have no time to myself at all until baby goes to bed - I'm lucky in that he goes to sleep about 7pm at latest but by that stage I'm so knackered all I can do is lie on the sofa. At the weekends I sometimes get an hour or so to myself to lie in the bath or read a book, and I guess if i wanted to do something I could because my husband is great but the weekends are the only time I get to see him properly so I don't want to be off doing things myself.

I am looking for a part time job (i got made redundant while on maternity leave) and besides the money aspect its more about getting me out of the house and back to the real world with adult conversation and where I can pee without either baby on my knee (yes it is possible), clambering round my feet or having to pee real fast cos baby is in living room and I just heard a crash and/or baby is crying.

You never ever can understand what its like (even though you helped your mum), its the hardest thing in the world, it puts pressure and strain on your relationship with your partner, you'll be knackered all the time, you sometimes dont get chance to clean your teeth/shower/pee, you'll forget the art of conversation for a while. But you know what then baby smiles at you or hugs you or says "mamma up" (his first words) and its all worthwhile. And that might sound soppy but its true.

Silverbird

nadnad wrote: »

you've had lots of reassuring answers but I'm sure you're aware from reading this thread alone that your life is never your own. i find it very difficult sometimes because I have no one to look after my LO unless my husband is home from work, and I see you have no family close - that makes it extra hard I think. All the people with family close by who are willing to mind the children for a while don't know how lucky they are! It makes everything so much easier.

Regarding hobbies and things i have NONE! I have no time to myself at all until baby goes to bed - I'm lucky in that he goes to sleep about 7pm at latest but by that stage I'm so knackered all I can do is lie on the sofa. At the weekends I sometimes get an hour or so to myself to lie in the bath or read a book, and I guess if i wanted to do something I could because my husband is great but the weekends are the only time I get to see him properly so I don't want to be off doing things myself.

I am looking for a part time job (i got made redundant while on maternity leave) and besides the money aspect its more about getting me out of the house and back to the real world with adult conversation and where I can pee without either baby on my knee (yes it is possible), clambering round my feet or having to pee real fast cos baby is in living room and I just heard a crash and/or baby is crying.

You never ever can understand what its like (even though you helped your mum), its the hardest thing in the world, it puts pressure and strain on your relationship with your partner, you'll be knackered all the time, you sometimes dont get chance to clean your teeth/shower/pee, you'll forget the art of conversation for a while. But you know what then baby smiles at you or hugs you or says "mamma up" (his first words) and its all worthwhile. And that might sound soppy but its true.

Aww, thanks so much for that. Yes, I do realise it's not going to be all joy and laughs and I can only imagine what it's like, both on the body and on the mind. But it's something OH and I definitely want to experience, despite how hard we know it's going to be. Your last comments weren't at all soppy. Thanks so much x

Sweetpeanut

i can definately sympathise with you lala,:( i send my dd2 to nursery 2 mornings a week mon & wed, and my dd1 has just started school. as bad as it sounds, its my bit of sanity, i love my girls but sometimes i want to curl up & be left alone. my mum died 8yrs ago in may, and never got the chance to see my little girls, my dad is 75yrs old & loves to moan & shout at the kids, which is no good i moan enough for everyone:o. my mother-in-law is too busy with the other grankids to even notice mine (even though mine are the youngest) she's babysat twice and thats only been when ive took 1 to the doctors. my husband is good, but he works for himself so everything is left to me, meals, shopping, bathing, cleaning and everything else that comes with being a mum:rolleyes:. my dd2 starts nursery 5 mornings in september, im hoping then to get into some kind of routine, i don't want a show house a clean house will do;).

code-a-holic

Yes, i feel like that often. I have 3 under 7' and 1 on the way. For the first time since i had children i have a few hours 4 days a week where they are all in school or playschool, it has done a lot to lift my spirits, i dont feel trapped so often. My husband is great and helps out with home stuff a lot, he also looks after the children while i have the odd Sat or Sun off and i go car boots or shopping, i usually come home to find he's done a task i dreaded too. A great boost.