Ever feel trapped???

Jack's_mummy

Oh I know this feeling. My OH works away 4 months at a time so I was even more trapped. For the time he was away I didn't get out of the house after 7pm at night, my only free time was when DS was at childminders 3 hours a week. Then he started playschool 3 mornings and suddenly I felt free. Then I got bored of sitting at home so I started volunteering at a charity shop one morning a week. It was like re entering the real world but I knew I could take a week off whenever I wanted. 18 months on and DS is at school and I have been taken on to do the occasional paid shift at the charity shop to cover holidays etc.

consultant31

Although my 3 children are all grown up and left home now, I do remember how it used to feel sometimes, especially as my hubby has his own business and therefore worked far longer hours than most of my friends OHs and I rarely had time with him, even after the kids were in bed (I spent my evenings having long baths with lovely oils and reading anything not related to children and housework) :rotfl:

BUT.......and this is just my opinion.........I chose to have children, who I knew would be almost solely my responsibility as OH was just too busy building the business, and the alternative (not having them) was, and is, an unbearable thought.

The time will pass very quickly and you'll soon feel almost redundant (too soon in fact), so please try to value the time that you have as a SAHM.

Alternatively, a part-time job would, as others have said, provide you with some adult conversation during the day, and something else to think about.

It can be hard, but being a Mum is the most rewarding job in the world :T

bobblebot

@lalaladybird,
I know how you feel hun, being a mum is sometimes hard....but be glad at least you have a caring hubby.

Things could be worse...I'm now a SAHM working from home PT also to make ends meet, with 4 kids from first marriage 11-16 and a one year old from second marriage. I was scared of getting married again but trusted him and whilst he adores his son, my other kids are a problem for him and so we parted. Both ex's don't financially help (even though CSA on to them-as one self employed and says he doesn't eearn enough so gets away with £5 per week. He refuses to have or see kids unbless I bring them the 15 mile trip to him-which I am not doing and 2nd ex just calls me names, verbally abuses me whenever he sees little chap).

Its hard, I never get a break, no support as parents live 3 hrs away and friends have kids of own. My one year old wakes up 4 every morning wanting to come in my bed, so not much sleep and tons to do each day.
Its bloody hard and what I wouldn't give for a loving hubby at my side to help out occasionally or just give me a hug in bed at the end of the day.
So be glad hun it could be worse.

RedBern

and my OH won't let me put our dd in a creche or nursery as he doesn't trust these places!!:rolleyes:

is your OH going to insist on home educating your dd as well??

Your little one needs to socialise with other toddlers, and the best way to do this is in a properly supervised environment. You cannot be at your daughter's (and OH's;)) beck and call 24/7 and it will do you both good. Get him to come with you and have a look at local creche or nurseries - you'll get a 'feel' of good ones - or ask around other mums. Also think you should give toddler group a try - not just for your sanity but your dd's. (and don't worry - the years go in the blink of an eye... )

SarahNeedle1872

Hiya Lalaladybird.....

I have to say, I know how you feel sometimes, and I am a full time working Mum! I love my DS more than everything in the world, but sometimes it gets me down having to organise chilcare every time we/I want to go out... OH works nights, and also has commitments two nights a week, so I do get 'me' time, but it has to be at home. Some nights I really miss just deciding to go to the pub, or round to a friends.
I totally agree with RedBern about a nursery/creche for your child... DS goes three days a week amd loves it, it has made him a very confident, sociable little man. Perhaps you and OH could view them together so that he feels more confident with where his daughter is going. Even if she went one or two mornigns a week, she would get the benefits of spending time with her peers, and you would get some time to do what ever you wanted.
A part time job is also a good consideration... as has been said, you get out and spend time with different people, and you become Lalaladybird again rather than DD's Mum IYSWIM.... I couldn't wait to get back to work again after my Mat leave, and whilst I wish I could do my job PT, I would go insane not going to work at all (I am a fellow 'not into toddlers groups' mum )

HTH

Sx

Newly_retired

I recall even having to "make an appointment" to go to the loo at one time! Seriously, bringing up children is hard work and can be lonely, but you have been given some good suggestions. Right from the start I went out to my choir once a week. I needed babysitters to do so as DH worked nights and we had no family near but it was worth it to do something for me. I got my life back when I went back to work part time. It was only for 6 weeks at first, then got extended, then permanent, and it gave me back my sense of self. Still hard work, and if ever one of us was ill, it took loads of phone calls to unstitch / remake all the arrangements ( transport, childminder, afterschool care etc) but was worth it. Go for it.
I don't mean to imply I didn't enjoy having children.

shirlgirl2004

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I call it babysitting too when OH watches our dd. Much easier than saying "could you please live up to your responsibilities and look after your daughter this evening"

No I just say "Would you like a bit of father-daughter bonding time?" He can hardly say no to that can he? :rotfl:

shirlgirl2004

RedBern wrote: »

is your OH going to insist on home educating your dd as well??

Your little one needs to socialise with other toddlers, and the best way to do this is in a properly supervised environment. You cannot be at your daughter's (and OH's;)) beck and call 24/7 and it will do you both good. Get him to come with you and have a look at local creche or nurseries - you'll get a 'feel' of good ones - or ask around other mums. Also think you should give toddler group a try - not just for your sanity but your dd's. (and don't worry - the years go in the blink of an eye... )

I think the difference is by school age a child can communicate quite clearly if something is wrong. A 14 month old can't say "the nasty woman shouts at me" if you leave it in a nursery. Only the other day a friend was telling me how her eldest DD (5) got upset because she mentioned the baby starting nursery. It turns out that when she was 3 the NN in the room she was in used to shout a lot. She told her mum not to send the baby to the nursery because the people were nasty. My friend knew nothing about this at the time her DD attended there.

shirlgirl2004

OP I can fully understand how you feel. I have been at home for almost 5 years now. No-one but the OH and I look after our children. I rarely get free time but I console myyself that I really am doing the best thing for them being at home. I do take DD to toddler groups as well as Babysign, a treasure box class and meeting a friend for lunch (only for an hour as she works). They are all little things which help to break up the day and give us both a chance to socialise. I agree working just a few hours will be a break although it may not seem it initially. The chance to have an adult conversation about something other than children is quite a novelty when you've been at home for a few years.

I sometimes just pop into town at the weekend by myself. I don't always buy anything, but the chance to browse in shops without having my arm tugged is a real treat.

I'm sure like me you do love being at home and sharing those special times with your LO but everyone needs a little bit of me time every now and then and I'm sure your OH will understand that.

windswept

Enjoy your time - before you know it she will be 18 and off to Uni or whatever and you will want those days back, I do.
I couldn't wait until my dd started school, then I couldn't wait until I no longer had to take her and pick her up from college, then she started driving and you worry yourself sick when they are out at night - especially when you get a midnight phonecall saying she's wrapped her car around a lampost!
Don't spend your life wishing it away, make the most of every minute while your children are little, the grass always seems greener but it's really not.