Ever feel trapped???

Lalaladybird

Thanks for all the replies.

OH is just nervous that dd is too wee for nursery/creche just yet. I will try the toddler groups as I don't know til I try how it will go...I fear the boredom of comparing notes about "my son does this" or "my daughter does that" *yawn*;) but maybe it will do us both good. I do worry about her not getting to socialise with other littlies.

I have filled in an application for a part time job as a receptionist at a sports centre so, if I get it , maybe that would give me a feeling of being me again for a few hours.

I know I am really lucky to be able to be a sahm and I am really lucky to have a supportive hubby but sometimes I think these two things just create more mess

rose28454

Lalaladybird wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

OH is just nervous that dd is too wee for nursery/creche just yet. I will try the toddler groups as I don't know til I try how it will go...I fear the boredom of comparing notes about "my son does this" or "my daughter does that" *yawn*;) but maybe it will do us both good. I do worry about her not getting to socialise with other littlies.

I have filled in an application for a part time job as a receptionist at a sports centre so, if I get it , maybe that would give me a feeling of being me again for a few hours.

I know I am really lucky to be able to be a sahm and I am really lucky to have a supportive hubby but sometimes I think these two things just create more mess

I agree that you can feel trapped. I was married for 27 years to an alcoholic ( been seperated 11 months now!) and am left with a large mortgage and a mountain of debt. I never had the option of staying home with my children ( bar about 1 year when they were 1 and 3) and now they are 25 and 23 I do wish they were small again. I agree with a previous poster that it is worse when they are grown up as you still have to worry about them. Enjoy having a lovely OH and child and the fact that you dont have to work. However I hope you get the job you have applied for. LOL

Savvy_Sue

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I think it has just dawned on me that until my dd (and any other children we have) grows up my life will not be my own *sigh* I have a headache and would like to just go out for a walk right now but I can't because my OH is working so I have to stay in.....so I feel trapped! On his days off he wants us to have time together as a family during the day and as a couple at night which is lovely but when do I get time for me? I do get to go to Tesco on a monday morning all by myself!

gosh, it took you 16 months to reach this stage? It hit me when DS1 was 6 weeks old, and we went on holiday with some friends, and I realised that I was just going to be doing the same things in a different place - feeding, winding, changing nappies, thinking about food, washing up, laundry ... :rotfl:

Lalaladybird wrote: »

and my OH won't let me put our dd in a creche or nursery as he doesn't trust these places!!:rolleyes: If I get a p/t job it would have to be on Sundays and evenings when he can watch dd, this would leave no time for us which I think is a bad idea too.

And do YOU have an opinion on this?

RedBern wrote: »

is your OH going to insist on home educating your dd as well??

Your little one needs to socialise with other toddlers, and the best way to do this is in a properly supervised environment. You cannot be at your daughter's (and OH's;)) beck and call 24/7 and it will do you both good. Get him to come with you and have a look at local creche or nurseries - you'll get a 'feel' of good ones - or ask around other mums. Also think you should give toddler group a try - not just for your sanity but your dd's. (and don't worry - the years go in the blink of an eye... )

Hear hear ...

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I fear the boredom of comparing notes about "my son does this" or "my daughter does that" *yawn*;) but maybe it will do us both good. I do worry about her not getting to socialise with other littlies.

and don't worry about endless conversations comparing your child with someone else's: a good group will have an activity each week, songs and stories, and good leaders will make sure you and your DD join in. I think toddler group is definitely worth trying, for her if not for you.

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I know I am really lucky to be able to be a sahm and I am really lucky to have a supportive hubby but sometimes I think these two things just create more mess

Right now it still seems to be all about what other people want. And to a large extent it is. But if ME TIME matters to you, the only person who can insist on carving it out is you. There will always be reasons NOT to.

Me, I realised I wasn't cut out to be a SAHM, so worked (very) part-time until the youngest was 7, and then went full-time while DH went part-time. Now we've swapped back again. But it's only recently that ME TIME has featured heavily on my agenda, and that's only because I realised that if I waited until DS3 went off to Uni I'd be too set in my ways ...

barnaby-bear

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I adore my OH and my daughter but I wish I could just go out by myself at a moments notice like I could when all I had to think about was myself. I'm a sahm and I have a desperate need for time off at the moment. My life is housework, cooking, laundry and looking after my dd. My OH wants me to get a part time job but I just cannot bear the thought of having another commitment. My OH is great and says he'd do more around the house if I was working too (he already does his fair share ). I think it has just dawned on me that until my dd (and any other children we have) grows up my life will not be my own *sigh* I have a headache and would like to just go out for a walk right now but I can't because my OH is working so I have to stay in.....so I feel trapped! On his days off he wants us to have time together as a family during the day and as a couple at night which is lovely but when do I get time for me? I do get to go to Tesco on a monday morning all by myself!

Our admin/filing girl has just upped her hours after a few years rearing kids and she declared beaming she was so glad to be back and relished coming to work because she could go to the loo without someone following / watching :rotfl:

KellyWelly

Newly_retired wrote: »

I recall even having to "make an appointment" to go to the loo at one time!

Count yourself lucky, I didn't have a wee without an audience for six years!!

1sue23

I know how you feel even though it was a long time ago for me ,but I am sitting here now knowing that my son will be leaving home soon and the empty nest feeling is awful ,the house will feel so quite when he has gone .
I think that is one of the reasons that I am selling my house and am going to live full time on my boat .
Today the house was so quite, I invited my 7 year old granddaughter round and I have had an afternoon of baking and dressing up my daughters dolls and it has been lovely .
I think my main problem is that I have spent the past 29 years looking after children and to be honest I am now in my 50s and feel a little bit lost as to what to do next ,I have never had a career just part time jobs when money has been tight to get us through .So much as I have loved looking after my children and I am glad I stayed at home with them I do question what do I do now?

Lalaladybird

I've been thinking about the toddler group thing. I think I'll start by taking her to the rhymetime sessions at the library. She'll love that.

A few of you have said that she needs to socialise but are toddler groups not a relatively new thing? They didn't exist when my mum was a baby and I wasn't taken to any, neither was my OH. Also, children being put into nursery under the age of about 3 is a relatively new thing too as there are more working mums than ever. I am only saying this because I was starting to feel really guilty that I am not taking my dd to toddler group or putting her in a nursery when I realised that most people over the age of, say, 30 won't have had these experiences and have grown up fine. If my daughter needs these things then I will do my best to do them but is it really essential?

I am not meaning to sound argumentative (I hope it doesn't ), you have all been so lovely, supportive and helpful, I am just querying whether I have to do these things for my dd's well being.

fernliebee

Lalaladybird wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

OH is just nervous that dd is too wee for nursery/creche just yet. I will try the toddler groups as I don't know til I try how it will go...I fear the boredom of comparing notes about "my son does this" or "my daughter does that" *yawn*;) but maybe it will do us both good. I do worry about her not getting to socialise with other littlies.

I have filled in an application for a part time job as a receptionist at a sports centre so, if I get it , maybe that would give me a feeling of being me again for a few hours.

I know I am really lucky to be able to be a sahm and I am really lucky to have a supportive hubby but sometimes I think these two things just create more mess

I didn't think I would enjoy the groups at first I only went because I wanted to let my DD see other children. IME a lot of the other parents want to talk about things other than kid's I've found. Also if you try one and don't like it go to a different one. I've been to a few that I never went back to! and then others I really like. I've found that a few mum's (particularly) have made some comments trying to compare and I just always answer that their all different and they all do things at different times, I feel this let's people know that your not gonna be drawn on comparing IYSWIM. Also if their is any !!!!!'n going on I tend to keep out of it- I'm not at school anymore!

Good luck, it's always daunting doing things for the first time, particularly on your own.

fernliebee

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I've been thinking about the toddler group thing. I think I'll start by taking her to the rhymetime sessions at the library. She'll love that.

A few of you have said that she needs to socialise but are toddler groups not a relatively new thing? They didn't exist when my mum was a baby and I wasn't taken to any, neither was my OH. Also, children being put into nursery under the age of about 3 is a relatively new thing too as there are more working mums than ever. I am only saying this because I was starting to feel really guilty that I am not taking my dd to toddler group or putting her in a nursery when I realised that most people over the age of, say, 30 won't have had these experiences and have grown up fine. If my daughter needs these things then I will do my best to do them but is it really essential?

I am not meaning to sound argumentative (I hope it doesn't ), you have all been so lovely, supportive and helpful, I am just querying whether I have to do these things for my dd's well being.

Your right about toddler groups being a new thing, however I think before that we were a lot more community spirited, eg when I was younger we always had friends round and my mum's friends in for a cup of tea, we were allowed to play on the street (under my mums watchful eye of course) there were lot's of children on our road, and my mum always took us to things like swimming where we would meet other children and play with them. IMO society is a bit more closed now and many people don't encourage children to talk to strangers as there could be a danger. I think what I'm trying to say is that there were more options for children to socialise outside of groups when we were little, and now groups have sprung up to replace this.

All that said, don't feel bad at all. I don;t think it makes much difference really if you go to groups or not when they are tiny (apart from our sanity ) for the first year or two all babies need is love, it's about growing and nurturing your relationship, and they can always learn to be social afterwards. Children are so adaptable, if they don't do anything until nursery (3.5) they would still be fine when they got settled IYSWIM.

Savvy_Sue

I'm well over 30, and we were all in nursery from the age of 3, and my mum wasn't working then either. I don't know that mum had friends round very often, but there were 5 of us so we were quite used to not being queen bee at home. DH's mum used to meet another mum with babe the same age at least once a week, she still meets this friend every week!

I think - but I'm not a social historian - that nursery care took off on a big scale during the war, so that mums could support the war effort. Playgroups and toddler groups are a newer phenomenon though: I think they 'happened' as more and more women were working, then they had a baby and didn't know any of their neighbours, so felt very isolated.

At one church I went to, there was a Women's Fellowship of older ladies who had been meeting together for 40 years: they started as a Toddler group and carried on meeting through the years. I realised that this was unlikely to happen with my generation of the toddler group, because we were all likely to go back out to work, so would not be available during the day. Plus we are more mobile and more of us were likely to move away.

I'm not saying it's essential for every child to go to a toddler group, but I think it would be a huge shock for a child to start school if they had NEVER been in a group setting, with or without mum there. Some children will cope with that shock better at 5 than at 3, it's not for every child. But I would have gone insane without toddler groups.

Mind you one reason I went was to give DS1 crawling and toddling space! We were in a small house so there was nowhere much to go once he started moving. It felt very confined: three steps forward hanging on to the truck of bricks, then you hit the wall!