Ever feel trapped???

Dormouse

Oh OP, I do know how you feel.

Felicity's post made me smile too (because it's so true!) - the bit about being able to go to Tesco by yourself is such a treat, LOL! :rotfl: I'll tell you something, it got to the point where I had to have a few dentist's appointments in the evenings and at one point I was lying there thinking, "This is actually not that bad, I'm almost enjoying myself - get to close my eyes, no whingy kids... ok there's someone drilling my tooth but apart from that this is great!" :eek: :eek: :eek: :rotfl:

I've been at home for about 6 years now although I have two part-time jobs working from home. (BTW working from home is not all it's cracked up to be - not when you have a lively 18-month-old toddler around anyway! :rolleyes:)

I have days when I find it very stressful, not having a minute to myself, the audience in the toilet, the never-ending housework, etc etc. :cool: We don't have family nearby so get babysitting help very occasionally and it has to be organised months in advance with military precision. It's not easy.

I take DS2 to a toddler group once a week, and we meet up with friends for softplay/coffee/park reasonably regularly, and these outings are great. :T I'm sort of thinking of trying nursery two mornings a week maybe, but then there would be the pressure of extra expense. :mad: Could try the sports centre creche I suppose (I would love to go swimming by myself :j ), it's just that mental barrier of letting someone else look after my child that freaks me out a bit.

Regarding the whole 'needing to socialise' debate, I'm not really sure how I feel. I don't think under 3s need to constantly be around other children, although obviously they need some contact. My DS1 didn't go to nursery until he was 3 - he's now 5 and is the most sociable little boy ever (i.e. a pain in the bum who never shuts up, LOL :rotfl: )

Good luck with the job application, OP - I think it sounds like a good idea. :T

Horasio

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I adore my OH and my daughter but I wish I could just go out by myself at a moments notice like I could when all I had to think about was myself. I'm a sahm and I have a desperate need for time off at the moment. My life is housework, cooking, laundry and looking after my dd. My OH wants me to get a part time job but I just cannot bear the thought of having another commitment. My OH is great and says he'd do more around the house if I was working too (he already does his fair share ). I think it has just dawned on me that until my dd (and any other children we have) grows up my life will not be my own *sigh* I have a headache and would like to just go out for a walk right now but I can't because my OH is working so I have to stay in.....so I feel trapped! On his days off he wants us to have time together as a family during the day and as a couple at night which is lovely but when do I get time for me? I do get to go to Tesco on a monday morning all by myself!

You sound like I did when I was younger and my son was young. So much emphasis is on pregnancy and birth that what comes after is seriously overlooked.

Can you find a babysitter, family member, trusted friend, so you can get some time alone and energise. Maybe even have some time alone with your OH.

My mother was on hand when I was young, so could get a break when I needed but I still felt trapped at times.

Silverbird

To somebody who has yet to have kids (but hoping to try in a couple of years), this all makes interesting (and slightly scary!) reading.

I do like my 'me' time. Just a half hour reading or on the 'net or watching a film.

I live 200 miles from all friends and family.

Am I likely to have a tough time of it too?! I guess you just adjust because you have to and because you made the decision to bring this child into the world? Does having a child mean you can no longer pursue your hobbies or interests at all or does it just take a while to adjust?

Another thing that worries me is that we would need for me to work part-time, as otherwise I don't know how we would afford everything (neither of us are in particularly well paid jobs). I'm concerned that I would never see my OH and that really saddens me. I miss him even when he's out of the house an hour or so. We're best of friends and do everything together.

I don't really expect answers - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

Very interesting reading!

galvanizersbaby

Silverbird wrote: »

To somebody who has yet to have kids (but hoping to try in a couple of years), this all makes interesting (and slightly scary!) reading.

I do like my 'me' time. Just a half hour reading or on the 'net or watching a film.

I live 200 miles from all friends and family.

Am I likely to have a tough time of it too?! I guess you just adjust because you have to and because you made the decision to bring this child into the world? Does having a child mean you can no longer pursue your hobbies or interests at all or does it just take a while to adjust?

Another thing that worries me is that we would need for me to work part-time, as otherwise I don't know how we would afford everything (neither of us are in particularly well paid jobs). I'm concerned that I would never see my OH and that really saddens me. I miss him even when he's out of the house an hour or so. We're best of friends and do everything together.

I don't really expect answers - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

Very interesting reading!

I think some adjust to parenthood easier than others Silverbird, possibily down to individual character and circumstances - but with you not having any nearby friends and family nearby I would think it would be a good idea to join as many baby clubs/groups as poss for support and company (when the time comes)

Reading these posts brings back memories for me of when my 2 were babies (18 months between them)
I wasn't prepared for the loneliness aspect at all and although I did have friends and family nearby I still felt isolated - everyone had their day ahead planned out (work/take kids to school etc.....) and I was on maternity leave thinking - what on earth shall I do today? - I ended up walking round and round the block with the pram a lot of the time.
I didn't find it easy to make an effort to join local groups (didn't have lots in common with the other mum's in my local area or any transport at this point so don't suppose that helped either)
I couldn't be a sahm for financial reasons at the time but if I had been I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made a good job of it!
I wish I had found this site back then it would have been a lot of help!

Sorry, I've made it all sound a bit depressing - it's not there are loads of positives - I wouldn't change my kids for the world but in hindsight I would have got better prepared social network wise before they arrived!

Horasio

Silverbird wrote: »

To somebody who has yet to have kids (but hoping to try in a couple of years), this all makes interesting (and slightly scary!) reading.

I do like my 'me' time. Just a half hour reading or on the 'net or watching a film.

I live 200 miles from all friends and family.

Am I likely to have a tough time of it too?! I guess you just adjust because you have to and because you made the decision to bring this child into the world? Does having a child mean you can no longer pursue your hobbies or interests at all or does it just take a while to adjust?

Another thing that worries me is that we would need for me to work part-time, as otherwise I don't know how we would afford everything (neither of us are in particularly well paid jobs). I'm concerned that I would never see my OH and that really saddens me. I miss him even when he's out of the house an hour or so. We're best of friends and do everything together.

I don't really expect answers - I guess I'm just thinking aloud.

Very interesting reading!

I would look after someone else's for a day or two to get a reality check.

They can be a real joy but they do change your life, unless you have a 24-7 available reliable nanny

freebiequennie

could you afford to send your daughter to a childminder for say a morning/afternoon/day a week so you can have some 'me time' or book a nanny for a few hours on an ad-hoc basis as you can afford it, many nannies who work part time do offer this service. suppose you would be looking at between £5 and £10 an hr for this.

Silverbird

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I think some adjust to parenthood easier than others Silverbird, possibily down to individual character and circumstances - but with you not having any nearby friends and family nearby I would think it would be a good idea to join as many baby clubs/groups as poss for support and company (when the time comes)

Reading these posts brings back memories for me of when my 2 were babies (18 months between them)
I wasn't prepared for the loneliness aspect at all and although I did have friends and family nearby I still felt isolated - everyone had their day ahead planned out (work/take kids to school etc.....) and I was on maternity leave thinking - what on earth shall I do today? - I ended up walking round and round the block with the pram a lot of the time.
I didn't find it easy to make an effort to join local groups (didn't have lots in common with the other mum's in my local area or any transport at this point so don't suppose that helped either)
I couldn't be a sahm for financial reasons at the time but if I had been I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made a good job of it!
I wish I had found this site back then it would have been a lot of help!

Sorry, I've made it all sound a bit depressing - it's not there are loads of positives - I wouldn't change my kids for the world but in hindsight I would have got better prepared social network wise before they arrived!

No, that's really great. Thanks for the info. It's great to hear about how different people have coped and I will certainly keep the support groups in mind now. Many thanks indeed!

Silverbird

CCStar wrote: »

I would look after someone else's for a day or two to get a reality check.

They can be a real joy but they do change your life, unless you have a 24-7 available reliable nanny

No need - I was 11 (and the eldest) when my youngest brother was born and I still recall all the hard work involved (I helped out a lot by choice). But I also remember the joy.

I'm more concerned about the change to the relationship with my OH once kids come along, which obviously I have no experience of and the lack of time to do other things, which didn't come into play when I was younger.

cazbie16

Hi I have 4 kids and been SAHM for last 7 years (since no 2 was about 5mths, did go back to work parttime but made redundant). I worked until 1st was 4 and going to work was childs play compared to staying at home! But having said that I sometimes feel that I missed out on a lot, especially after being at home with the other 3. Of course life feels like a never ending treadmill sometimes but they only stay little for a short time and you never get back this time. My youngest is 16mths now and I know that when he is 2 he'll be able to go to nursery for one afternoon and I can't wait! I go to toddler groups 4 days a week and I don't get into the comparing conversations just like to talk about life, have a moan and a laugh, all the mums there are in the same boat and its helps when you know so many feel the same as you. Mums at groups are a great way to find out what childcare and nurseries are like in your area as many will have older ones so can help to tell which are good and bad. On the social side all of mine have been to groups from an early age (no 4 from 2 wks old!) and they are all very confident around adults as well as children, but having said that no 2 hated school when he started so it doesn't always help on that front. Hope you manage to sort things out.

Silverbird - glad to hear you considering baby even though you helped out when you were 11 as my eldest has just turned 12, I sometimes joke helping out will put her off for life and sometimes she agrees!

morganb

Hi Lala; forgive me but I haven't had chance to read all the thread (as DS1 and DS2 came to stand right next to me, how dare I leave them to play for 3 whole minutes, I shall be going back to work next week for a rest!!!)
I just wanted to add ... what would happen if you took DD along to friends parties, etc., along with a travel cot? It's worth a try. And could you not go along with OH to look at a nursery? Some of them are fantastic (have no experience of childminders so can't comment)