Ever feel trapped???

lauren_1

The best thing i ever did was work 2 nights a week in a bar - my god i would have had a nervous breakdown otherwise, i used to feel so trapped.

It may feel like another commitment but its something you can drop if you dont find somewhere you enjoy.

pennyocs

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I adore my OH and my daughter but I wish I could just go out by myself at a moments notice like I could when all I had to think about was myself. I'm a sahm and I have a desperate need for time off at the moment. My life is housework, cooking, laundry and looking after my dd. My OH wants me to get a part time job but I just cannot bear the thought of having another commitment. My OH is great and says he'd do more around the house if I was working too (he already does his fair share ). I think it has just dawned on me that until my dd (and any other children we have) grows up my life will not be my own *sigh* I have a headache and would like to just go out for a walk right now but I can't because my OH is working so I have to stay in.....so I feel trapped! On his days off he wants us to have time together as a family during the day and as a couple at night which is lovely but when do I get time for me? I do get to go to Tesco on a monday morning all by myself!

I remember feeling like this when mine were younger i used to put baby in a seat on the back of my pushbike and go for a long ride did wonders for my figure;) and made me feel so much better.

Money_maker

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I've been thinking about the toddler group thing. I think I'll start by taking her to the rhymetime sessions at the library. She'll love that.

A few of you have said that she needs to socialise but are toddler groups not a relatively new thing? They didn't exist when my mum was a baby and I wasn't taken to any, neither was my OH. Also, children being put into nursery under the age of about 3 is a relatively new thing too as there are more working mums than ever. I am only saying this because I was starting to feel really guilty that I am not taking my dd to toddler group or putting her in a nursery when I realised that most people over the age of, say, 30 won't have had these experiences and have grown up fine. If my daughter needs these things then I will do my best to do them but is it really essential?

I am not meaning to sound argumentative (I hope it doesn't ), you have all been so lovely, supportive and helpful, I am just querying whether I have to do these things for my dd's well being.

We do the rhymetime sessions at the library (not in sussex, are you?), only last half an hour and are more focussed on the children so no need to actually know any of the other mums. Also its free

My mum never used to drive, so everywhere we went was on foot as a child. I think the whole lifestyle was more community orientated. Having said that, 12 years ago toddler groups consisted of parents sitting formally in a circle on chairs whilst the little uns played. There was a big focus on chatting to each other - very daunting and many were very 'clicky'. These days they seem to be more relaxed, mum crawls around the floor with little un and not so scary for those going on their own.

Most of my friends have almost teenage/teenage children so I feel very isolated with my lo. Will be forcing myself to go out more and trying more of these groups.

BTW, used creche at leisure centre when doing a class there. Was ever so nervous about the whole thing but staff were lovely and dh really enjoyed the new toys!

Money_maker

Dh? Oops, mean dd :rotfl:

masonsmum

Hi, I can sympathise with your situation. When I was 6 months pregnant with my son (he is now 2 and a half) my 19 year old brother was tragically killed in a house fire. So when my baby son came along I felt so mixed up and down all the time.

My DH would go to work then waltz in the door at night thinking I had, had an easy day because I was not at work. :mad: As soon as my maternity leave was up I was straight back at work part time, as I needed my friends around me and people to talk to again to keep my sanity. I know it might not be as easy for everyone else but I do have a good support network with my parents and aunt and uncles.

You might be just having a down time, when I felt like this my Health Visitor was amazing and helped me so much through the tough times and recommended groups etc. Do you not have a local parent and toddler group you could visit?

Hope this helps but its never plain sailing being a mummy xx

Felicity

Oh OP, I could have written your post myself!

I absolutely adore my little boy, he is (normally) very well behaved. He is now 15 months and he gives so much back. I actually feel that I have a little chum now as well as a dependent.

I love taking him out places or just spending time playing with him at home and I feel VERY lucky indeed to have the opportunity to be a SAHM. I also waited 5 years to conceive our little boy and I was told I would never have children so I count my lucky stars EVERY DAY!

HOWEVER!!!!!! I too feel like you do.

I have started having physio early evening twice a week and have to drive to the nearest town for it. This means my hubby who normally works till 8ish at night has to come home early to look after the little poppet.

Its only since I have been going out myself to a boring physio appointments that I realised how much a little freedom could be such a breath of fresh air.

Just being able to 'pop' into the supermarket on the way home for a few bits, WOW, straight out of the car, no worrying about trollies, harnesses, have I got a dummy? something to occupy him? etc.

After the first appointment I came home with a spring in my step, just for having gone out for an hour on my own!

If you can, just try it. It doesnt take a lot to just regain a bit of your own sense of space and independence.

I also feel this awful weather has not helped, it seems as though it has been winter forever and I am really looking forward to warmer weather and lighter evenings when I am sure everything will seem better anyway.

So, sorry for the long post, no you are certainly not on your own. I am sure there are many of us out there and this will pass.

Good luck!

Felicity.

beckseven

I can sympathise with you-it does feel like you are trapped within the four walls sometimes and lurching from one task to the next. I have two children now- DS is 3 and DD 4 4 weeks old. i found that taking a walk each day on my first mat leave gave me time for my own thoughts, got my figure back and got DS a nice bit of fresh air. I went to a mums and tots group and although I had to force myself through the doors the first times it was a godsend to me. DS was kept absorbed, i made new friends and we have a night out for just mums every few months so not just talking about nappies! I went back to work after 6months and really wanted to be a sahm mum but did appreciate the time as someone said above to go to the toilet alone and popping to the shops alone on my lunchbreak or going to the gym. My DS loves nursery and he really interacts well with other children. Even now with dd who is 4 weeks old you can see her looking with interest at her big brother so it does do them good. Now 5 weeks into my 2nd maternity leave i'm making the most of it as they dont stay babies very long and soon start answering you back and arguing with you! I hope you find a good balance for you and feel happier soon.

Pssst

LaLabird a lot of people forget that a relationship is a thing which is formed of two individuals. Individuals have their own hopes,dreams desires and need their own space otherwise spiritually,they wither and die and so does the relationship that they are involved in.

You have some responsibility here.

If you mean that you want out of the relationship then analyse it,realise it and make it known

If you just need some me time then identify space in your future diary,pencil it in,tell OH,plan something,book something,do something.

bank_of_slate

Have you registered on the netmums website?
There may be other Mums in your area who'd love to get together with the kids and it'll give you an opportunity to talk to and socialise.
...Linda xx

nzmegs

The best time I have to myself is in the mornings. I am sure you know your childs routine like the back of your hand, so do what i do and get up an hour before she wakes. I find that time is great. It is quiet and peaceful. Sometimes I watch the news or have a lovely breakfast or let your husband know and just go for a long walk. I know you are thinking you'll be exhausted bt actually youll be energised.
Nowadays i go to work but I still get up way earlier than I have to and i don't do housework. I just sit and relax!