Suitable punishments for a 6 year old. Ideas please!! Anything considered!

geekgirl

Just out of interest is it usual these days for a HV to still call etc... at your childrens age? When I had my kids (aged 25, 23 and 17) you would get a visit or two from the HV and then never to be seen again. Just wondered if things had changed.

stardoman

I haven't got anything really useful to add, but just wanted to point out that my children also don't respond to the reward the good / ignore the bad philosophy. I used to find it so hard when my older two were younger, as how can you ignore one child hurting the other?

I do use praise, but found my older one became quite dependant on praise. At school, he was not praised and thought he was doing badly. He became quite upset, crying every night. When I spoke to the school, they said he is so good at aeverything it never occurred to them that they needed to say anything to him! (He is 10 and this is quite recent).

As with everyhitng, one solution will not work for all children. You have to find what works for your family, and if this is different to the health visitor advice then tough. She's not living in your family, you are.

As with everything in life you have to find the right balance.

Mandy.

stardoman

geekgirl wrote: »

Just out of interest is it usual these days for a HV to still call etc... at your childrens age? When I had my kids (aged 25, 23 and 17) you would get a visit or two from the HV and then never to be seen again. Just wondered if things had changed.

In my area you see them until your child starts school, although it gets less frequent. In the early days you are expected to get your baby weighed regularly. Then there is a hearing test at 7 months, a 9 months check, an 18 month check and a 3 year check. You also see the health visitor when vacinnations are due at 13 months and 4.5 years.

However, I had a falling out iwth mine when DS3 was 6 months old when the health visitor made me cry :-( and I have not seen her since.

Mandy.

blue_monkey_2

geekgirl wrote: »

Just out of interest is it usual these days for a HV to still call etc... at your childrens age? When I had my kids (aged 25, 23 and 17) you would get a visit or two from the HV and then never to be seen again. Just wondered if things had changed.

Hi Geekgirl,

She is not specifically a Health Visitor but let's call here that as she visits about my son's health. To be honest I do not know why she calls as my son is at school and she has never met him but... long story.... CAMHS bounced my son for referral 4 times and in the end the doc sais 'look, they are saying if you go on a Parenting Course they will let him back on the list', as I wanted my son diagnosed so he can get the help he needs through school I thought 'whatever, what harm can it do'. The woman I needed to speak to was off so eventually this lady got in touch with me from the local Childrens Centre. And so she comes to visit.

She used to spend the whole time lecturing me on sticker charts and the like and she would not have it that do not work so in the end we just said yes and no and let her get on with it. the last time she made her suggestion I thought 'well, I will give it a go' and this happened. I think the kids just need to get back to knowing just what their punishment/reward is going to be as she has messed everything up by suggesting we change it despite her knowing it worked - AND she had just spent half an hour telling me that routine is important for my son so we should not diverse from it...... Doh!! I am glad I posted now as I do not think I would have realised that is was the change of the system we used - that was working - that upset the apple cart. Dopey mare.

But this is why she still visits, because she is more a support worker than a health visitor. My HV by the way was useless, when the school picked this stuff up with my son (who was then 4) so I went to see her and she actually said 'I am not sure what to do'. (sorry Sue!)

blue_monkey_2

Does anyone else want to try the money thing with me and then we can report back on how it is going?

Basically, I start the day by putting either 15p or 20p in a pot in 1 pence pieces, if they are naughty they get a 1p fine, violence is not tolerated and is an instant fine, everything else is a warning first and then a fine if the child disobeys.

Because I was told there was not enough 'positive' in this I am going to implement a reward system so they can earn a few extra pennies each day or being very good will get a 2p reward. My DD already talks about what she will spend her money on so I think it will also give them a value of money and the cost of things. Maybe, LOL. But because we have tons of pennies knocking around then it is not a big deal and at the end of the week we swop it for 'big money'. My DD already has her eye on the 'big one' (a £2 coin. LOL).

milliebear00001

I'd be tempted to do this one with you, but my eldest is only just 5 and is a bit young to see the vlue of money. In a yearor so I think this will be great for her - only thing I'd do is get her to identify something achievable that she really wants - maybe a cheapish toy or game, and then she has something tangible to 'save' for. I do this with stickers and stuff sometimes, but I think pennies are better because you're also teaching her a really valuable lesson about money and deferred gratification - her teacher will love you as well!

allIcouldwishfor

BM, I did the money jar thing earlier this year when the kids were behaving atrociously and nothing else seemed to get through to them. I did it in exactly the way you described, start with 20p, 1 warning for bad behaviour then they lose a penny. It worked really well and got them back on track, but then OH started putting ridiculous amounts of money in the jars and the system lost it's impact.

At the moment, the thing that stops DD (age 5) from behaving badly is threatening to tell her teacher, who she adores.

Good luck with your system, I hope it works for you.

shazrobo

i use the money system with my 13 year old twins, started off with 20pence in pennies when they were younger, now its a pound a day with ten pence fines for most bad behaviour, and 50p for violent beahviour, hitting kicking etc. it has worked well, so long as i am consistent
both sons are at special school's, and they use money too, quite often they come home with £10 phone top up vouchers, or jjb vouchers
shaz x

jinnywren

Reading thru this whole thread I would seriously consider if your daughter is AS as well. My son wasn't good at playing games if he lost & always had to play by his rules. Was very stubborn but not vicious. Only wanted hugs on his terms when he wanted them. An angel in school. The spectrum of autism is so varied. You say your daughter doesn't want to play with friends, my son was like this. He was diagnosed with AS when he was 6 yrs. I thought from about 3 yrs old there was somthing different.
Just something to think about.

Savvy_Sue

blue_monkey wrote: »

But this is why she still visits, because she is more a support worker than a health visitor. My HV by the way was useless, when the school picked this stuff up with my son (who was then 4) so I went to see her and she actually said 'I am not sure what to do'. (sorry Sue!)

No worries - I mean this lady who's so useless isn't even a HV! :rotfl:

My 'official' HV wasn't terribly helpful with my various pooey pants problems (not my personal pooey pants, rather the pooey pants I had to deal with over the years! :rotfl:), and she did rather major on 'ignore the bad, reward the good', but she was a treasure when I had PND. But I still feel they are a useful 'first port of call' with problems, especially of the kind where you don't feel you want to 'bother' the GP.

And my best friend had never said a word about the possibility of DS1 being an Aspie, although she did seem to have a lightbulb moment when I said I'd had a tentative diagnosis when he was 12! Having said that, he is mildly rather than severely affected, never quite bad enough for me to march down to the surgery and refuse to leave until someone told me what was 'wrong' with him!

Because of course there is nothing at all 'wrong' with him. He's just different.