Suitable punishments for a 6 year old. Ideas please!! Anything considered!

blue_monkey_2

Hi all,

Well, I am at my wits end with my DD who was 6 last month. She has turned into Satans child. I have so far not resorted to giving her a good spanking - and I am pleased with myself for not stopping to this level as she damn well needs it.

This morning she was sent to her room until it was time to get ready for school. The thing is there is no remorse for any of her actions. She is aggresive, rude, obnoxious..... you know. I know it is her age but I want some suitable punishments as the ones I am doing are not working.

The sending to bed has no effect, she has come down to get ready for school laughing and joking. I have now confiscated her My Little Ponies. I want to get on top of this because of the school holidays. This morning when she pulled faces at me while trying to 'speak to her at her level' I could have slapped her face.

Oh and apparently she was going to call the police and have me taken away by dialing 999. I handed her the phone saying 'go on then, but you know they will take you away for wasting their time' and walking off to the kitchen, where I heard the 'bing bong' of the phone going back into the cradle and my son shouting 'she has put the phone back mummy'. I had a little chuckle to myself then.

My son is AS and so has tantrums and she is really aggresive to him and I want this to stop. If she cannot get her own way then she turns on his punching, hitting and kicking out at him simply because he is there. But I am not sure just what action I should be taking now she is getting older. Taking things away has no effect (same with my friends kids too) she does not do after school clubs so nothing to 'ground' her with.

I used to have a reward system going where the kids would lose money given each day by punishing their bad behaviour, however, sons health worker said it was not 'positive enough' and I had to give them money if they were good instead. So it is all very well giving her 1p when she puts rubbish in the bin but now there is no punishment for the bad behaviour and she has returned to being a monster.

Ideas please. Before I have to find daycare during the school holidays.... :rotfl:

BernadetteN

Watch a bit of Supernanny and get some ideas off that.

i_wanna_save_money!

I would be interested in this too as my 6 year old DD is just the same.

Her main problem seems to be a jealousy that has arison in the past year or so over her 3 and half year old sister, and they both are very competitive in my attention. She will say things to her sister like 'I am mummy's favourite because I was born first' or 'look - mummy just hugged me not you' or even things like ' my hair is silkier than yours'!

Comments like this have them arguing like cat and dog. My OH (kids dad) says to me he doesn't want to come home from work because as soon as he walks in the door he can hear them arguing, and it just does not stop.

I have tried occupying them from the minute they come home from school this does not work. The other day I let them both make a pizza each for their own tea. This started out really well, and they both worked well together, and were quiet for about half an hour. Once the pizzas were ready they then argued over whos looked the nicest arghhhh.

Suggestions please!

i_wanna_save_money!

I just wanted to add that I think I am very fair in splitting my attention between my kids and my OH it's just they both seem to want ALL my attention ALL of the time

pinkshoes

Do you spend some 1 on 1 time with your daughter? Does her brother get more individual attention than she does?

Perhaps if she learnt to love one-to-one time with mummy, then that would be an incentive to behave?

I was an absolute brat at that age, but was angelic when I got individual attention away from my brother, and it was even better when he tried to intrude and got told to go away!

mariejader

has she just turned into the child from hell at home or is she acting up at school also?

I think you should start the chart again to be honest rather than give money offer them a treat like a game of bowling after school (there are sometimes offers on for games for a £1).

tamlem

Sounds like you have got into a viscious cycle of focusing on and punishing her bad behaviour when what you really need to do is reward her good behaviour.

Easier said than done I know, especially when things have got quite bad, but there is always something you can reward.

If you see her do anything remotely nice, eg. say something nice to her brother, say please or thank you, do something the first time you tell her, then do a really emphatic "wow, that was such a lovely thing to say to x" "I'm so pleased that you did that as soon as I asked you", and give her a hug. You can obviously use stars or whatever as well but its the relationship building, letting her know you're proud and having a hug that might be the most effective.

I would also avoid getting embroiled in conversations on her level. ie. I would have ignored her calling the police remark so she is not gaining attention from behaving badly.

I know its really hard but try to focus on the good and ease off on the bad (ignoring rather than disciplining for a while) unless she is physically endangering herself or someone else of course. I'm sure you will see positive effects. If childrens behaviour gets them attention, even negative attention, then it is reinforced, so give tons of attention to the good behaviour that you want to see.

Lastly could you make time to do something together just the two of you where you can spend a bit of quality time together and find lots of opportunities for hugs and praise?

Good luck with it all. I hope things improve.

Savvy_Sue

Ignore the HV and do what works?

Honestly, there is no 'one size fixes all children' solution.

but also pick your battles. I am not sure I would worry about having faces made at me, as long as I could manage not to laugh. I've been known to make faces back ...

Savvy_Sue

BTW, I listened to DS1 saying he was going to leave home for several days at about that age. I tried ignoring it, but he went on and on like a cracked record. It was beginning to affect his brothers as well, so finally I told him in NO uncertain terms that he could NOT leave home because no-one else would put up with him. I even went through all the lovely mummies he thought he'd be able to move in with, and pointed out why he wouldn't be happy with any of them, but also said that even if he wanted to try it they would NOT want him because his behaviour was so horrid.

I then said that even if he didn't love me, I loved him more than any other mummy in the world would ever be able to, so he'd just got to put up with me, but as I was the bestest Mummy he was ever going to get it wasn't so hard.

He never mentioned leaving home again, but clearly wasn't scarred for life as he has gone to Uni, due home today. He doesn't remember this incident!

I am quite sure the HV would have had me ignoring this, but it didn't work.

vixarooni

Where does all of this come from, the i'll ring 999 if you bla bla bla? I never had that kinda thoughts as a 6 year old. I remember joking to my mum in my late teens that i'd ring childline and she'd joke and say im too old for it now.

Im so glad i was a child in the late 80's/90's! seems like children know everything i didnt at that age, and i dont think its a good thing either.

But anyway, you say at the beggining that she needs a good smack, well why not? What is so bad in that? When i was a child i soon stopped when my mother smacked me!

Reggie_Rebel

Naughty Step, one minute for every birthday