Suitable punishments for a 6 year old. Ideas please!! Anything considered!

lolababy

I just wanted to say that many of the traits in your dd are in mine. My dd like yours is very bright and still gets into bother. It can feel like an up hill struggle when they are destroying things, hitting you,refusing to do as they are told.
I dont think that my dd has a autistic problem or some other disorder although other people may have. My dd would growl at people if they looked at her and that was whilst a baby.
I guess what Im trying to say is dont fall into the trap of labelling your daughter. Thats not to say that your wrong to think this way.
I hope that you get more support as you sound really stressed. Belive me I know my brother has severe learning disabilitys and I watched how my mother struggled for years without support.
You sound like a brilliant mum and like I said in my previouse post hopefully its a phase. Although I could strangle my dd when like yours she pours out expensive shampoos ect lol.
Take care.

Savvy_Sue

Excellent post Nicki. Have a hug blue_monkey.

TBH bm, the only thing I might have done differently was put her to bed the first time she was violent to me. I know you give warnings, but there are some things which really don't NEED a warning: even if she seems not to remember that she was in trouble for punching you, there are some things up with which you cannot put.

Given that she'd had a load of party food, sounds like diet might be implicated as well, if not on a day to day level then at times like this.

And sometimes, yes, I did leave it to the school to get through to my sons how to do things, because they wouldn't have it from me. Teachers know everything, mothers know nothing.

Milford_Cubicle

blue_monkey: I know this has already been said before, in fact I mentioned it on the previous page, but reading what you've written I can say (in my opinion!) that your daughter isn't 'normal'. I know the 'normal' spectrum is immense, but so is the autistic spectrum. I initially thought she might be playing up because your son obviously gets 'different' attention to her (not being horrible, I'm sure you know what I mean by that) but the more you write, the more I'm becoming convinced she's autistic too. Even if it's just mild...

I'm in full agreement with Nicki. Go to your GP, kick and scream, refuse to leave and demand the help you're entitled to. I know how difficult it is to get a definitive diagnosis of AS, so even if your DD retains the diagnosis of 'normal', at least some help with your son means you can dedicate a little more time to helping her develop into someone who isn't going to keep punching you in the stomach because she wants some chocolate! That comment made me feel really sad. I'm sorry you're having a **** time, you sound as if you're coping pretty damn well considering.

I think the title of this thread no longer applies, I don't think it's a case of punishing her, I think it's a case of being 100% sure she has AS. Or, that she doesn't, but at the moment it's all a bit up in the air, isn't it?

CarerQuie

The other thing is to remember that ASD often presents differently in girls.I'm sure my 19yo has it but there's no point getting a dx because she's found her way in life.(I only realised this retrospectively following my youngest's diagnosis with autism).

Sometimes it's enough to be aware because you can slightly adjust your approach to things in the light of the possible ASD.It's probably easier to accept that her interaction is not spot on in terms of wanting shared activities if you acknowledge that she might have 'issues'.Alsoo,use some of the strategies thatwork for your ds.Use whatever works for you.

I found part of it was that when my ds didn't respond to the strategies that generally applied to his 5 siblings -and worked- that he had problems ;eventually dx'd as autism.xx

allIcouldwishfor

blue_monkey wrote: »

Hi AICWF, I am feeling a bit tearful after reading this. In all honesty what do you think I should do? Would it make any difference if I went to the docs about it? I am not sure whether I should be mentioning it now. Or not. IF there is a problem then I can deal with it differently - can I? Or not. I am just confused now.

Of course, since the doc mentioned my son's ASD I spend most days wondering 'what if' when it comes to DD and her little ways. You just do, sometimes when she is off on one something just does not feel 'right' but then I wonder if I am reading too much into things - this that are not really there. I don't know.

Thank you though, it is just nice to hear other peoples opinions. DD has just turned 6 and is in Year 1, she is reading about 4 years above her year group and is writing joined up. They were giving the word Christmas and they were told to find words within it to win a prize. She found 16..... even I could not find 16.

BM, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just very struck by the similarities between your daughter and my friend's DD. If I can explain further, my friend and her daughter have found life easier since she was diagnosed and people around her can understand that she is not being deliberately difficult or "naughty". She is on medication (only during the week) to help her focus at school, which also makes her more empathic (which her family appreciate) and she has a found a support/social group called Spectrum Girls.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you know what you are dealing with you can alter your approach accordingly. So if you think deep down there might be more to her behaviour than just downright naughtiness, it may well be worth chasing a diagnosis which could offer you new options.

lrr_2

Kids love making us feel guilty, when I tell my daughter off she goes off in a huff then doesn't bother 2 mins later while I am left feeling mega guilty!

Who is punishing who?

bigpaws23

Hiya blue monkey - heartfelt ((HUGS)) for you. I haven't had chance to read through the entire thread either, but you could be talking about my dd!
My approach was very radical and may be of no use whatsoever, but we did two things which have made an amazing difference. We have taken all forms of refined sugar out of her diet (which doesn't fit in with this frugal board, because the alternatives are more expensive) and we took her out of school and are home edding.........
She is by no means angelic, but she is back to being able to listen to me and is slowly learning to respond better to discipline (like you, I feel like slapping her, but never would).
Undoubtedly, if I took her to the doc's she would be 'labelled' on the autistic / gifted spectrum, but that is of no use to me, so we're muddling through in our own way.
It's not easy, but it is MUCH better than it was....

Good luck! You sound like a wonderful mother who clearly wants the best for her kids.