Suitable punishments for a 6 year old. Ideas please!! Anything considered!

Notsosharp

Hi Bm,

Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble with your DD, TBH mine is 6 too and she is EXACTLY the same. She never listens, cannot sit still, gives constant cheek all the time and sometimes acts so spoiled she takes my breath away! But then again she does get days when she is the most pleasant child you could wish for, sometimes I think that she just gets "off" days like everyone else.

If mine starts acting up I just walk away and ignore her, if it gets really bad I send her to her room (but not for too long). Once when we were walking home from school she started playing up I just plugged in my Ipod and let her get on with it. I think its OK to do though obviously you need to check they are not going to hurt themselves. Its harder to punish her when we are out tbh, I am not sure how to go about it......

Try not to get into any pointless arguements with her, sometimes I can do this others not (usually not!). I just say what I have to say and then I say "thats it, I don't want to talk about it anymore". Tell her you have listened to her but the answer is still no or whatever.

She also gets a story read to her at bedtime and if she is consistantly naughty and won't behave no matter what then she doesn't get the story. I absolutely hate doing it and the first time I did I felt soo guilty but it seems to work (though again not all the time).

My DS loves baking and cooking - have you tried doing this with her instead of playing games she always has to win? I think its a kid thing because my DD is the same, she does not like to lose.

As an absolute last resort I will smack her but not too hard and just on her backside. I don't think its wrong so long as you don't set out to deliberately hurt her. I spoke to a psych friend and he said he didn't see any harm in it either.

newbienortherner

I'm not going to give some advice on behaviour management, you already have more than enough to digest.

My one comment woulld be to tell the Health visitor to get stuffed! You spend all the time with your children, you know them best. If a reward/punishment system worked then go with it.

Health visitors do not know everything - mine thinks that generic antibiotics don't work and are a conspiracy created by the medical profession! I take everything else she says with a giant pinch of salt!

blue_monkey_2

Back again, stuck in the house today so will 'potter' and as the house is tidy will be on here. I've a few orders to pack (for my busniess) and that is all. I've just been for a scan as I've pelvic problems and I've had to drink 2 pints of water in an hour...... crossed legs on the drive back home, LOL.

You know, it may sound daft but my kids are not the kind of what to do stuff with me. Swimming or a trip out is as good as it gets as then we are able to 'do stuff' together. I make cakes and they are not interested in helping, they want to decorate them and eat them, I do craft they do not want me helping, I spent an absolute fortune (and it was a fortune) on card making stuff so DD & I could have a hobby together and a general interest but she did not want anything to do with me, no help, no assistance, no talking about what to do together. Hmmmm, I've pretty much got on with it and if she is happy doing it I leave her to it. But that sounds a bit sad now doesn't it. My son is the same, he will want help setting up a train track but it is his way or it gets ripped up and thrown. Yes, it is frustrating but you tend to just let them get on with things else you just have everyday as a day from hell. And as someone else said, you have to pick your battles.

Just recently she got a DS for her birthday and some games you can link up, she will link it up but if she is not winning the game gets closed and she refuses to play. She made this lovely snakes and ladders game, we sat and played it and the minute I landed on a ladder all hell broke loose and the game got ripped up. It is really hard to get her to do anything together unless she is winning or on top or has control of what we are doing so to avoid an arguement it is easier to either let her win the whole time (which leads to a whole load of gloating) or to not bother. The result of which is that no-one wants to play games with her. Also, she wants to invite people round but when they get here she will not play with them, they will be playing with her toys and she is sitting on the sofa with her 'blanket' showing no interest in the friend who has come to play.

So if she wants to make cards or paint or do some drawing I let her get on with it.

Just as an example, the other day she was making something on the table, I asked if she wanted help. No. When she had finished she had done this fantasitic book, words and drawings, on the Xmas story. She bought it over and she had made made it back to front. So I said, let's get the cutter out and we can put the pages in the right way and fix it with some ribbon to make it look pretty. but No. That ended up in 3/4 hour tantrum and with her being so horrible and aggressive to everyone she had to be sent to bed without a story. Which I really do not like doing but I will not tolerate the constant aggressive behaviour - especially when it continues after a time out. So I waited until she went to bed and sorted the book and put it all back together for her. She had a moan about some things (such as the staples cuttong a word in half) but eventually I was able to reason with her that it was great.

I do find that she is an absolute perfectionist and if something is not going her way she will screw it up, throw it and have an absolute fit over it, the thing is there is never any reasoning over how to make it better and she would rather throw it in the bin than have any help fixing it. However *ahem* I do remember being like this with my school work and my mum used to ignore me as when it was out of my system I'd go and get the work and carry on.... oops. I do remember being like this.

This has turned into long threads so I do apologise, I am trying to get across what she is like. She just seems to be happy when she is on her own doing what she wants with no-one else to 'upset the applecart' and ruin the game she wants to play. Now she can read she does not even want me reading stories to her, sit with her while she reads but if I try and read her a story she will say 'no, I will read this' and snatches the book from me.

Does anyone want a swap children for a few weeks......

blue_monkey_2

newbienortherner wrote: »

I'm not going to give some advice on behaviour management, you already have more than enough to digest.

My one comment woulld be to tell the Health visitor to get stuffed! You spend all the time with your children, you know them best. If a reward/punishment system worked then go with it.

Health visitors do not know everything - mine thinks that generic antibiotics don't work and are a conspiracy created by the medical profession! I take everything else she says with a giant pinch of salt!

Ha, yes I already put off when she wanted to come and see me in January and I am going to take GREAT delight in telling her she has ruined our household and put me back to square one. before she suggested this things were OK - not perfect but they are never going to be perfect are they - but nothing as bad as things are now.

We shall see. I managed to stop her poking her tongue out at me by fining her this morning. She will think twice next time where as me saying 'please do not do that it is not very nice' has no effect at all (hence her still doing it!).

blue_monkey_2

To the lady who suggested 5 was too young to start, my son is 4 and AS and I am doing it with him too. Also, DD was actually 5 when we started doing this so I really do not think she is too young. My son does understand as he can see things being 'taken away' and he also realises that 'money buys nice things'. So maybe think about giving it a try, the key is perserverence and making sure that it is done all the time, the money topped up and not buying things whenever they want them becauase this gives them an incentive to save the money. Then we count it into 'big money' when I need more change. DD helps me with that funnily enough....

Oh also, diet yes. I have actually switched from stuff with artificial sweetners in as well as I have my doubts about Aspartimine (sp) so things like Juice we are back on the ones with sugar in. They do not have anything with 'added' stuff - it is surprising what you find in some foods so mostly I make my own (unless it is for DH or I)!!

blue_monkey_2

Yes, I do know that most people show some for of ASD trait - but what tips them over the edge? I guess it is more when you find that you cannot live with the things your children do, or if others have a problem with your childs behaviour. So far no-one else has said anything as DD is very bright and very happy at school where she is learning or doing things - hence any ASD has not been picked up. I used to say to the doctor that I had probelms with a few things she did from an early age and she used to say 'ignmore the bad reward the good'.

I guess it takes putting things down like this to make me realise that she may be borderline ASD, something to work on but not anything to worry about. It is interesting though how just the one reward system I have found works for both of my children, and this being the one my son understands more than anything. The thread has given me food for thought if nothing else. Thanks for everyone's advice.

blue_monkey_2

I just wanted to add, in the New Year I am going to start going to a support group for parents of AS/ASD children, I've not had any support before so it will be nice to bounce ideas off peope and find out how they cope day to day. I really think I need this, I looked up the Early Years thing that NAS have on their website but there is nothing in this area so I guess this is why the support group has been set up.

I am looking forward to it, I am hoping it will mean a move forward and to meet some parents and children who understand if my son is a bit full on.

blue_monkey_2

A question for Nicki please: Nicki, how does your DD cope wehn she 'loses control'. I sat here to read through some of the posts again and this does seem to be the key thing here - that she needs the control over whatever it is she is doing. Please can you tell me how you get around this or what you do. Is there a way? I would hate for my DD to take this attitude through life with her and this way I can deal with it and maybe even get the school involved in trying to sort this problem out.

Thank you

morganb

Milford_Cubicle wrote: »

2) Extreme punishment. You've come to your wits end, right? Tell her that you've absolutely had enough of her behaviour and she's going to lose every single one of her toys. Yes, all of them. Remove EVERYTHING from her room and DS/Wii etc from where they're kept and put them in the loft/garage/wherever. Somewhere she can't access them. Tell her that she'll get her toys back, one by one (or box of toys, depends how you organise her room) if she does as she's asked, is nice to you, is co-operative etc etc. So, she says please and thank-you, give her back ONE of her toys/boxes of toys but make it the one she plays with least, then you can build up to giving her back the one she loves most, make that last when she's been well behaved for a specified amount of time (days, weeks, whatever).
The very second she's unnacceptably naughty or disrespectful, take the most recently given back toy, away again.

That's just what I was going to suggest

blue_monkey_2

About the toy removal. I really do think that she does not understand why they have been removed. If she has been put aside she will have to come and apologise and I ask her why she is apologising, but if I remove toys from her by the next day she has forgotten what it is she has done wrong and will do the same things over again. It is the same thing with the star charts, if they did not get a star for doing something naughty they could not remember why. Does that make sense?

For example. While she has a bath I potter around getting bed things ready, curtains, stories, bookbags, etc.. then go back in and sort her out. One day I went in and she had tipped my entire bottle of Satuary wash lotion into the bath, she was told not to touch it, but she still did it - minutes after she had been told. So she got sent to bed for that. The next day it was the same, then the day after the same again...... so now I have to remove everything from the bathroom - in fact I stopped bothering buyying anything nice and just get basic stuff to get me by. She did the same thing with almost a whole bottle of Tresemme shampoo. You know how big they are. Only this week I've gone into the bathroom and found her with body wash poured out of the bottle. Maybe this is her obsession?? Who knows. And then you think 'GRRR' why can't she listen or follow simple instructions. How many times does she need to be told, the one day I forget to remove from the bathroom something it is tipped into the bath again. The worst thing is she has to have just water as her and her brother have excema - now they are both covered in itchy red patches as they were in the bath.

Plus I've now had to seperate their bathtimes as she thinks it is funny to grab her brothers willy and pull it and hurt him. It is literally the minute my back is turned she is grabbing him. Again she has been told many times not to do it and why she should touch people 'bits and pieces', but she still does it. So unless I give her constant supervision or hide everything out of reach she will do something.

Surely this is not normal, surely I should only have to tell her and punish her once or twice and she will know, so why would she keep on doing the same naughty things over and over again. Why does the punishment I give - which she hates, sending to bed without a story - not have any effect whatsoever? Can someone seriously explain that to me?