Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

cave_2

neas wrote: »

indeed. if i was a 21 year old i'd want to be able to sow me oats... without my landlord telling me i can't have a 'good' time.

maybe the reason why you didnt mention it is because it is quite restrictive..

Rent my room.. but you aint allowed to 'shag'.

I don't think that's restrictive, I think it's a matter of respect. I'm my opinion, he should be able to do what he wants - as long as the landlady doesn't have to deal with it - which she's not being given a choice in.

I'm 21...

silvercar

A month's notice is unnecessarily long. I think January 3rd is reasonable. There will be plenty of couples breaking up over Xmas and plenty of people looking for lodgers to help pay their mortgage in the new year.

I am female and would find it totally scarey to have a strange man living in my home. The last thing I would want is to be woken up at night.
Maybe you just have different standards, but it clearly isn't working out.

It seems that you need to pluck up the courage to tell him. Two options:
1. Email him a link to this thread!

2. Leave a note on his bedroom door, that way you will force yourself to tell him before he goes upstairs.

This guy may have done nothing wrong, it is just a question of having different lifestyles that has left you feeling insecure in your own home.

Hugbubble

ampersand wrote: »

:santa2: Sorry neas, but you need to read ALL of Amy's posts thoroughly to understand why this man of 35 should not be in her house over Christmas, or any longer at all.

I agree absolutely with everything that has been said about Amy needing to get this guy out for her own happiness....however, it does seem that people are over-reacting slightly. Yes, the man is an inconsiderate, manipulative (maybe) pig, who is lazy and disregards other peoples feelings....BUT there hasn't been any evidence to suggest this man is going to wreck her house and/ or hurt her.

Just my thoughts

beaujolais-nouveau

Amy78 wrote: »

i will just tell him he has to go ASAP preferably before i go on holidays

If you say "ASAP preferably", he'll prefer to go AFTER your holidays because what could be nicer - for him - than having your flat to himself and the girl.

Amy78 wrote: »

i have checked his bathroom and it is filthy i need to make sure he cleans this before he goes cos i aint touching it.

If you are not careful, he will turn this around to a bargain that better suits him, eg: he can stay in your flat while you are away, if he cleans his bathroom.

Really, Amy, you are working yourself up: it is not going to be difficult; it is going to be far worse, going away and leaving him to his own devices in your flat. Ask your friend from over the road to sit in the kitchen while you do this; put his stuff in bin bags and say that he can collect the rest (if there is any that he can't take today or tomorrow) after you get back from holiday. Take his key(s). You only have to make up your mind that this is the only acceptable course of action.

I don't think I can bear to read this thread any more - please have a better sense of self-preservation of yourself - I'll look in on Christmas Eve to see what happened.

cave_2

I'm 21 as is my OH - we live 5 hours away from each other so when we stay over it's usually for a couple of days. OH lodges with a older bloke - he was well warned that I existed before OH moved in, is told well in advance when I'm over, and made sure it's ok, thanked whenever appropriate, anything used replaced, the noise kept down whenever he's in bed, and the communal areas kept cleaner than when just OH is there.

It takes very little to be respectful... get rid of your lodgers

Cave

ampersand

Hugbubble wrote: »

I agree absolutely with everything that has been said about Amy needing to get this guy out for her own happiness....however, it does seem that people are over-reacting slightly. Yes, the man is an inconsiderate, manipulative (maybe) pig, who is lazy and disregards other peoples feelings....BUT there hasn't been any evidence to suggest this man is going to wreck her house and/ or hurt her.

Just my thoughts

#########
But this is one of Amy's concerns. repeated several times.
(12 jars and a dish of lime marmalade just poured, hoped to come back and read DEED DONE here.)

Can understand how beaujolais nouveau writes:

'I don't think I can bear to read this thread any more - please have a better sense of self-preservation of yourself - I'll look in on Christmas Eve to see what happened.'

Hugbubble

ampersand wrote: »

#########
But this is one of Amy's concerns. repeated several times.

Granted. However, there isn't any evidence (that she has presented thus far) to support this concern. And stating things like "I'll feel better if you get this guy out as soon as possible" (sorry, not sure of the exact quote) is not going to reassure her.

SailorSam

ampersand wrote: »

He even has his OWN BATHROOM?

Look Amy, a lot of us are here giving you the advice YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS YOU WANT TO HEAR AND HAVE TO FOLLOW.

If I am close by(East Anglia), I can be there, firmly but fairly for you.

You must do this today and have someone with you.
In the meantime, you can 'help' by having his things in binliners ready for him to take away.

None of us want to be telling you the same thing on Christmas Eve.

Ampersand has it right there, ok there may not be any come backs, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I'll sit in with having a coffee if you're around Liverpool while he packs his bags.
Just half a sugar please.

Amy78

i would like to let you know he uses the common areas in the day time when i am at work or evening when she is not there and uses the kitchen though if i dont ask him to empty the bin he won't do it.
Secondly the deal when he moved in was that his girlfriend would come in week ends only and from time to time. as this was a girl leaving abroad it would have been once or twice a month. which was absolutely fine for me.
then all the sudden he brought that lady who lives locally, so it was not the lady from abroad. And last week when she was talking with me she said they were dating for a few months. so if he has 2 GF is not my business but when he told me she was his new GF when she came the first time that was not true as he was already dating her prior to visiting the appartment which means he never intending to bring a lady from abroad from time to time but to bring that girl over since the begining so the deal we had was all based on lies from his side

he tested me and saw i was soft and nice so decided because she is nice she wont say nothing. 2 warnings and still same sh..t

if you use kitchen then clean as well and when you have filled dish washer put the tablet and press the button on,You use the ashtrey empty it.. I dont think this is really complex at all.
it is not that he is uncomfortable since the 1st day he moved in he started eating in his bedroom that the way he is used to do things.
and by the way for the last 2 months he is here. he washed his bed sheets once and remember both of them sleep in the bed and eat on the bed and hoovered his room once.
Without counting that when i came back home last friday or saturday morning my wooden floor was all damaged. and i was not there so i dont know what happened there but in the last 2and half years my floor was perfectly fine. i can not say it is him either as no proof so who will pay to have it changed? me! as it needs to be changed as not flat anymore

Now what bugs me the most is to be awoken at night by people who dont give a damn i work in the week
and if she has been here 4 to 5 times a week that is not acceptable or she might as well just move in no?

i have never brought someone 6 days in a row when i was living at my ex-landlord house and i dont think it is acceptable

neas

is it legal to put someones stuff into binliners? Seriously has he no rights about his property?id be pretty peed off if i got home, my things were man-handled by someone else... my personal things too.I'd definately get revenge then lol.