Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

RobertoMoir

neas wrote: »

i just reread the threa and AMY hijacked it after the original poster stopped right?Having read amys posts i can summarise the following:1. Amy has 35 year old lodger (dont see how relevant age is these days)2. Amy said he could bring woman around 'from time to time'... which was never specified correctly.. shoudl've been 'once a week'.3. Amy doesn't like him eating food in room or staying in room all time.4. Amy wants him to eat food in living room - Number 3 and 4 are exactly how i'd prob behave at start, id feel uncomfortable in someone elses space and would eat in 'my' room as its my personal area.5. Amy records how many times he brings woman around every day on a calendar6. Amy has different cleanliness standards than lodger7. Amy expects lodger to share cleaning of communal areas... even if he doesn't use them8. Now this is the only one i can really say is that bad: Amy gets woken up by drunken behaviour many nights a week.. this one is disrupting your sleep and health and is warranted to get rid of him.Other ones sound like you have diff standards for cleaning to him, and he didnt see you as a friend (hence the sticking to his personal area). One side of the story tells half a story.

Even if I saw it your way, the fact remains that he's a lodger, and has no 'right' to stay. The one problem Amy mentions that you agree with is more than enough to throw him out at Amy's convenience. Throwing him out because she doesn't like his brand of breakfast cereal might be daft but she'd within her rights to do that too. I'd have somewhat less sympathy myself for that last reason, but the point is that it's her house and lodgers have very little rights compared to tenants, say.

neas

no offence and i'll say it again.You both have different levels of cleanliness.He sounds just like a normal type of housemate, i've lived with over 20 housemates and half of them have been lazy, unmotivated and try not to do chores as there no order/rota etc. some didnt even wash their bedding for a year!... they just threw it out after a year... i know i know disgusting but this is my experience of them lol.Most male housemates are as you describe him:just thinking if this is your first lodger or not, if you dont like the way he behaves get a woman lodger next time as alot of single men are like how you described him.. not as clean etc.

neas

And i suggest you get female lodger next time, as alot of men will not tidy up, empty bins, clean kitchen, clean bathroom, vacuumn etc etc.Its in our brains. I was quite like that during my single days.... my wife has drilled cleanliness into me now though.Again though, other things he done are not on, the waking you up.Either way sounds like relationship soured so get rid of him, but be fair... if you give him 1 day to leave and empty his stuff into bin bags thats really really nasty....then you'd be worried if he ever came back to give you back.

Amy78

[Throwing him out because she doesn't like his brand of breakfast cereal might be daft but she'd within her rights to do that too.

i wont touch is things as it is his.
it is not what he eat
it is the fact the deal is not respected at all
he lied
my floor is wrecked
his girlfriend is there 4 to 5 nights a week if i do not say anything and they dont care banging doors when they come back home between 1.30 am and 3.30
no regard that i work in the week
they work part time and always start work around noon or later
so they dont have the problem of being wrecked at work contrary to me

I had a guy before and he was fine i mean he had manners and was very clean so i dont think all guys are this way, and my neighbour had a girl lodger who was filthy so it does not depend on the gendre but on the manners i think

silvercar

Some of the things he does should not really bother you - its part of the joy of having a lodger. If he doesn't wash his bedsheets that is his choice.

Give him reasonable notice and get rid. What is reasonable? Normally I would say a week, as its Xmas 2 weeks.

neas, explain this bit of your signature. Wife Car Fund - 2k/6k 2k to buy a wife and 6k to buy a car?? the car is clearly winning.

Amy78

fair enough for the sheets, though it is still hygene and i live here too and the smell in the corridor when i come home is not nice

now that he does not clean the room and bathrom, yes i have a word to say on that as the room was clean and in neat condition when he moved in so i expect it to be the same way when he leaves
Now to be honest, what bugs me the most is the noise at night and the lack of respect of my sleep and the fact i have a couple in the house instead of 1 lodger, and that even after talking with him twice things dont change. To my face i am being told yes yes but things dont change which is not fair on me.

now unfortunately as i am annoyed all the other things add up

i really cant do this for christmas as it would be not nice at all
so i will tell him he has a month notice so i am not putting him in any problem either.but i am done with being nice and understanding all the time especially when the favor is not returned
i am a fair but

ampersand

neas, (I'm in drone mode now)it's just that being a housemate with over 20 others is different from being a lodger.

We're back to the beginning again - think I'll join beaujolais nouveau in a glass now..........

Amy78

and i really don't feel like going back home tonight. it will be really akward after last night

poppysarah

Amy78 wrote: »

and i really don't feel like going back home tonight. it will be really akward after last night

Now you're just being silly.
Phone a friend who lives nearby and get them to go back with you. Get rid of him. NOW

neas

The reason most people don't take a lodger is they dont want someone alien sharing their house with them.I honestly dont think you are cut out to have lodgers. I agree he has done things wrong... (Waking you up and not helping out alot)... but you are in total moan mode about things that are quite normal for houseshares... The thing is.. lodger, tenant or what not... in life people have different standards, i used to live with a girl who sounded a little like you we were housemates tho.. but she was aggressive not 'soft'. She tried to push her standards on me and eventually we had a massive argument about me saying to her boyfriend if he wasnt happy in his job he should look for a different one.... She was alot worse than your standards but she demanded me to accept her standards totally ;P. The annoying thing is that after house sharing so much i've become less bothered about dishes being left on the sinks, people with overflowing bins and generally a struggle for who does the chores in a house. he may have figured he was renting a room and the amount he paid would cover you cleaning bathroom etc.