Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

MRS_TO_BE_2

and where is the girlfriend officially living?

Amy78

officially at her parents

AliBallyBee

At the end of the day its your home and you need to be happy. I had a flatmate for a while who was really messy and smelly. I ended up doing all the cleaning and he just drove me up the wall!! Things came to a head when he took some random girl back to my flat while I was away and she stole stuff from his bedroom. Luckily he had the guts to tell me this and I checked all my own things and they were still there. But I then locked my bedroom door whenever I was out of the flat. When his contract expired I tolf him i wasn't renewing it. But I was miserable.

Amy, I think you should just bite the bullet and tell your flatmate he needs to move out. You will feel so relieved when its done.

ampersand

He even has his OWN BATHROOM?

Look Amy, a lot of us are here giving you the advice YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS YOU WANT TO HEAR AND HAVE TO FOLLOW.

If I am close by(East Anglia), I can be there, firmly but fairly for you.

You must do this today and have someone with you.
In the meantime, you can 'help' by having his things in binliners ready for him to take away.

None of us want to be telling you the same thing on Christmas Eve.

ampersand

Amy78 wrote: »

officially at her parents

##############
...and they haven't invited the Light of Her Life to join them?

neas

can all the women here raise there hands up please? :)Not being sexist just a trait i see sometimes.... my wife being one of them is very unforgiving at all.. and sometimes reacts too quickly to think things through properly.Ok heres what i think you should do:GIve him 1 months notice from today... this is a reasonable amount of time to leave... if he wants t leave earlier he can.. if not then he got a month... you was fair to him.if you give him 3 days, 1 week or even under 2 weeks... over the xmas period it will be difficult to find somewhere else and move etc.... so he might resent you for it.If you can handle it for a month then just ask him to leave... but keep things good between you or else you might find your car 'accidentally' damaged, or your house windows 'broken'.Very often people on here spout things that should be done... but because its not them dont think about any repercussions.... sure if someone bricked your window police may find them... but not likely :P.just my two penneth.

Amy78

I know
i was just thinking it would not be nice to throw him out before christmas
i am being soft again
but then i dont want to stress out when i will be away either and if he stays i will stress out every day
i even bring my guinea pig to my best friend for christmas as i would not be happy to let him home with the lodger especially since the argument at 1.30 this morning

AliBallyBee

I think you need to give him notice for moving out. A month would be ideal but it depends how you feel. You could tell him that if he wants to go sooner he can as he may be able to stay at his girlfriends parents? You need to keep it civil though as at the end of the day he knows where you live and at the moment has a key. I'm not saying things will turn nasty but just be aware....this is not the time to start getting petty and slingin insults. Not that I am saying you would, you know what I mean

ampersand

:santa2: Sorry neas, but you need to read ALL of Amy's posts thoroughly to understand why this man of 35 should not be in her house over Christmas, or any longer at all.

She is already going round in circles, too fearful, too nice, too soft to do WHAT MUST BE DONE.

Amy does not have to placate this person. He is beholden to her, not the other way round.

Amy is having a miserable time in her own home because of his behaviour.

Amy fears for her home over Christmas if he is still there anyway.

Neas, if you read earlier posts, especially from vivatifosi(Hello V)you will see she also thought along your lines THEN...we've all learnt a lot more now.

Now Amy, let us all be here to congratulate you for doing THIS ONE THING to improve the quality of ALL our lives:santa2:

neas

i just reread the threa and AMY hijacked it after the original poster stopped right?Having read amys posts i can summarise the following:1. Amy has 35 year old lodger (dont see how relevant age is these days)2. Amy said he could bring woman around 'from time to time'... which was never specified correctly.. shoudl've been 'once a week'.3. Amy doesn't like him eating food in room or staying in room all time.4. Amy wants him to eat food in living room - Number 3 and 4 are exactly how i'd prob behave at start, id feel uncomfortable in someone elses space and would eat in 'my' room as its my personal area.5. Amy records how many times he brings woman around every day on a calendar6. Amy has different cleanliness standards than lodger7. Amy expects lodger to share cleaning of communal areas... even if he doesn't use them8. Now this is the only one i can really say is that bad: Amy gets woken up by drunken behaviour many nights a week.. this one is disrupting your sleep and health and is warranted to get rid of him.Other ones sound like you have diff standards for cleaning to him, and he didnt see you as a friend (hence the sticking to his personal area). One side of the story tells half a story.