Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

poppysarah

Amy78 wrote: »

to be honest he is lovely very nice person

i am a bit scared that while i will be away for 10 days she will be here everyday.
he also let her alone in the flat once i told him it was a NO NO and he said he would not do it again but he did

Yes she will. Yes he will.
The only way you stop it - and if it actually frightens you, then get rid of them now. Tell him to go by Friday.

Amy78

you can't really ask someone to leave without a month notice especially just before christmas
maybe it is me being too nice once again
and i think i will say it on the day i am back so that i am sure he wont damage anything by anger in the flat while i am away

poppysarah

Amy78 wrote: »

you can't really ask someone to leave without a month notice especially just before christmas
maybe it is me being too nice once again
and i think i will say it on the day i am back so that i am sure he wont damage anything by anger in the flat while i am away

They're a lodger. You can turn them out instantly can't you?
If you have to give them a moral months notice it'll be the start of Feb before you get rid.

Give a neighbour your phone number where you're going on holiday and ask them to get in touch if anything happens odd over xmas (parties etc) - take a small box of chocs round as a xmas gift when you do this.

ampersand

I'd ask the police to do a house check in your absence, too - it's one of the things they offer and recommend. 10 days is quite a time to be away in these circs.
As others say, you do NOT have to justify/explain anything.
He has to go NOW and you will feel so much better - where was HE intending to go at Christmas? No family/friends who expect him? The girlfriend?
Your being fearful about some vengeful act against your home is the tail wagging the dog.
Another time, you'll feel relief that the right person is going to be house-sitting while you're away.
You're making yourself unhappy and anxious over this, so stop the cause of it.
##################
I'd even say 'You know I'm away on[day]so you'll need to be gone by [time and day before]. The police will be checking the house.'

silvercar

I think people are being hard on this lodger.

He seems young and a bit inconsiderate of the landlord's feelings, I don't get the impression that he is outright malicious.

He has probably moved away from home to have more freedom. In his eyes that includes the right to entertain in what is now his home.

Of course he will have girlfriend(s) visiting while the landlord is away, but what is the problem with that. You can't expect him to sit alone watching TV every night!

The lodger just hasn't understood the need to be considerate of someone who doesn't subscribe to his lifestyle. May be the rules weren't made crystal clear at the outset. If he was told no girlfriends and no sleepovers at the outset he may have decided to stay at home!

The fairest course of action would be to tell him now that he needs to find somewhere else to live in January.

Amy78

he is 35 years old and before he was renting
at the beginning he asked and i told from time to time
time to time for him means more than a week end from time to time
it means that on the last 9 days she came 6 times without counting the day she was in the flat while i was at work

ampersand

Didn't mean to come across harshly, silvercar, but this arrangement just isn't working, for either side, in fact.
A 35 year-old who has been renting(why the change? might be a pertinent question)will have another set of parameters and he must adjust; op already has and is experienced as a lodger herself.
His being 'lovely' is fine at a personal level; he needs to be acceptable as a lodger, in this case as op's lodger.
He will learn from the experience, too. I would not say that includes being in op's house while she's away over Christmas. Let him use this time to find a suitable houseshare.

Amy78

i think it is just a bit of respect
by being a lodger before, you know that you have to respect the landlord, even if you share with other tenants, you try not to impose your partner on them or friends not too much.
I rented with a landlord before and he is now my mate, but i always made sure he would know if i brought someone for dinner or coffee just so that he knew that this evening i had someone over so that he would know at the end of the day it was his house and i did not want him to feel too many stranger where coming when he was not there. and it did work well if on friday i had a dinner with my friend and dvd then he was letting us the living room which was nice and then he would have his mate or GF on the saturday and i would let them the living room.
and we never had a roster for the cleaning one week end i did it the following he did. which i felt was normal for me to clean
it is a way as well of making sure everyone is happy.
but i never came at 3.35 in the morning with a guy and banged the door in the week, 6 nights in a row. cos you need to respect people's sleep as they work.
just a bit of respect

Strapped

poppysarah wrote: »

They're a lodger. You can turn them out instantly can't you?

Nice.

And a Merry Christmas to you too!

Amy78

well it will be sooner than i though
i had an argument with him last night at 2 in the morning
as he came back with her again and was noisy
so his excuse was they work in week ends so they can not see each other in week end which is a lie as she 's been here in the flat every single week end
i said you have no consideration at all about the fact i work in the week so and we are far from what was agreed at the begining. when you visited you asked to bring someone for some week ends from time to time
and since you moved in it was week end and week nights regardless if you stop me from sleeping.
i told him i felt he was walking over me big time and that his lifestyle did not match mine
he said she had not been here a lot i took the calendar and showed him all the days she's been here and say it was not the agreement to start with
once again she took it badly when she was not in the room we had the chat and not involved in the conversation.
so he asked if he had to go i told him i will let him know by today
then after he was being all nice that i was so good looking and he could not believe i was single and that i was a nice person that i should go out more often and if i wanted i could go out with him and her. sorry he is a lodger not a mate and it all sounded so fake after the argument
i just can not stand being awake 3 to 4 nights a week in the week when i work. Week ends i dont really care but week time i feel so dead today as his phone rang all night
i will tell him he has a month to be out of here
he is nice but my patience has limits. after 2 warnings he kept doing it so i know it wont change