Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

silvercar

then after he was being all nice that i was so good looking and he could not believe i was single and that i was a nice person that i should go out more often and if i wanted i could go out with him and her.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

so he asked if he had to go i told him i will let him know by today

That was your opportunity to say, yes!

Today you need to tell him that your lifestyles are compatible and he needs to leave by 3 January. Thats gives him some time to find a new place and you will feel better knowing that there will be an end to all this.

ampersand

Please just do it, Amy - and a month is too long.
I'm sorry he seems to think he knows exactly how to play you.

Amy78

i know but i go on holidays on 24/12 so it is a bit short notice no?
i can't believe the excuse he gave : we can not see in the week end
she's been here all week ends. he was a bit ill at ease when i showed him the calendar and all the times she's been here.
i just can not believe he did not get the message at all
his lifestyle and mine can not work together and this is so different from what he asked at beginning
and i can not believe the nerves of this girl taking it badly, does she pays rent ?
no so she has no say whatsoever

poppysarah

Amy78 wrote: »

i know but i go on holidays on 24/12 so it is a bit short notice no?

last week wasn't short notice. It is getting that way now.
But why can't he go and doss at her house anyway if you throw him out?

ampersand

Not it isn't Amy.
Simply TELL him that the house will be empty during your absence and that neighbourhood police, or neighbour(as per poppysarah post 44)are checking.
He will find others to bed down with over the holiday.
If he isn't being welcomed or invited by them, you know why!
DON'T PROTRACT THIS ANY LONGER ,Amy.
You could be compromising your own case if you have to take tougher action, which wouldn't surprise me.
As Silvercar writes, you gave him a Lifeline to play you on.......
The girlfriend is irrelevant and should not be present when you speak to your lodger.
Of course he's 'really nice'...he wouldn't have got through your door otherwise.
And he IS 35...........how much longer will he be doing this sort of thing?
NOT UNDER YOUR ROOF THOUGH.
Your best present to yourself would be to change the locks before you go away.
#########
Sorry poppysarah, our posts crossed.

beaujolais-nouveau

Amy78 wrote: »

i know but i go on holidays on 24/12 so it is a bit short notice no?... and i can not believe the nerves of this girl taking it badly, does she pays rent ? no so she has no say whatsoever

Please, just say he has to leave tomorrow. Change the locks, if necessary. At the age of 35, he should know that actions (his) have consequences. If he wanted to go on being your lodger, he should have been (much) more considerate and unselfish. He hasn't considered you at all, and he can doss at his girlfriend's. You seem to be trying to "make sense" of his reactions and that of the girl - there isn't any sense to be made of it - selfish and exploitative people inhabit a different planet from the rest of us. For your lodger, your needs are not even on his radar.

Your home is meant to be where you feel safe and sheltered, comforted and consoled. Not exploited.

zzzLazyDaisy

beaujolais-nouveau wrote: »

Your home is meant to be where you feel safe and sheltered, comforted and consoled. Not exploited.

Got it in one. A lodger has no right to notice. Tell him he has to be out by Monday. That way you will know that when you go away the house will be safe and locked up, with no risk of all night parties or whatever. Make sure the police are aware of the situation and make sure he knows that.

Yes, it is a rotten time of year to be out on his ear, but he has had enough warnings, and as others have said, he will doss down at a mates house.

Don't let him creep round you, just be firm.

Good luck

x

SailorSam

When you go away for 10 days over the holiday you're not going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself. After having words with this lodger i'm sure you will be thinking about what is happening to your homewhile you're away.
Christmas or not, he should go before the weekend,you may come back from holiday to find the house trasshed and property stolen.

Amy78

i have a new lock already so all good on this side
i don't want to sound like a b..t and make him feel i thow him out for christmas
in a way i dont feel it is nice
but in a way i dont want anything bad to happen in the flat while i am away
and you are right he got warnings and was not considerate at all
it just makes me laugh when he said i should go out for pints with him and his girlfriend
is that a joke or what?
no matter what the lifestyles do not match so he has to go as i dont think i can take it any longer
and at 35 not understanding your flatmate works in the week and you need to respect that is a bit sad
1st time in 8 years i have this experience and it is not nice as in a way he is sound as a pound but on the other side he does not respect the fact i need sleep to go to work the next day

zzzLazyDaisy

Amy78 wrote: »

and at 35 not understanding your flatmate works in the week and you need to respect that is a bit sad

I think this may be where you have come unstuck. He is NOT your flatmate, he is your lodger.

Flatmates are two or more people who have a flat together with equal responsibility for the rent etc etc, and equal rights to live in the property and treat it as their home. One cannot evict the other without taking legal proceedings.

A lodger lives in someone else's property and normally has no responsibility for bills, repairs, furnishings, rent, etc etc, apart from the agreed lodgings payment. The lodger also has no right to live there, unless the proprietor allows him to.

This distinction is very important when you are taking someone else into your home. You have to be very clear from the outset - he is renting a room in your house, but ultimately it is YOUR home and it is for YOU to say what is acceptable. If you take another lodger you need to be much clearer about this from the outset.

Apologies if this comes across as criticising OP, that isn't my intention.