Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

ampersand

If you have a new lock, are you sure he doesn't have a key?

HE IS NOT A FLATMATE - THAT IS WHAT HE WILL BE IN A HOUSESHARE, IF THIS IS WHAT HE LEFT BEHIND(you said he was renting previously)

Amy, stop feeling any of his niceness is a reason NOT to be rid of him.

We all cross paths with people we find 'nice', but that's not a reason to have them lodging with us.

Sailor Sam is correct in repeating what we all think and you fear yourself - do it with officialdom/a police officer/strong male present, if necessary

Then we can all feel better over Christmas knowing that your home is okay - okay?

poppysarah

Amy - you have to think of yourself and stop being so nice.
Weigh up stress of him staying and stress of him going.

Amy78

yeah i am sure he does not have a key of the new lock as it is still sealed in the packaging and in my bedroom so all is fine on this side
i used flatmate as for me even if i am the landlady i still share the flat with him and rules were set up at the beginning but what was agreed is not what is happening now. and i though he would be mature enough not to bend the rules. i agreed for him to have visitor as i feel he should be entitled to

i though that even if the situation had change as he is in his 30's he would mature enough to understand on his own, and he did not even after dicussing it.
we had a discussion and he said i understand as you work in the week so no worries but still he did not change his way to do
i dont think i am being unreasonnable, the situation changed as what was agreed at beginning was only week end from time to time and he never asked me if he could bring anybody in the week and just did it regardless of me.

always excuses to justify it now as i told him i am done with him, finished i won't shut up and accept everything as it is affecting my life and i rent to 1 person not a couple.
so i will tell him to go ASAP tonight simple as that as i told him i don't think i can cope with this on a long term basis

MRS_TO_BE_2

Amy, just tell him its not working out and he now needs to leave.

Have you got a friend who can be pottering in Kitchen or something when you have this conversation?

poppysarah

MRS_TO_BE wrote: »

Have you got a friend who can be pottering in Kitchen or something when you have this conversation?

That's a good idea!
Moral support is always a good plan!

Amy78

l can ask my friend she lives cross the road
i think am a bit scared to throw someone out
1st time i have to ask someone to leave
and i dont really know how to handle it
never happened before
my 1st lodger was brilliant too bad he had to move country

beaujolais-nouveau

Amy78 wrote: »

i don't want to sound like a b..t and make him feel i thow him out for christmas
in a way i dont feel it is nice

But you have been nice, and he has paid you back with nastiness. Why all the guilt about him being thrown out for Christmas? Christmas is a festival and a holiday, but not specially for sociopaths. Protecting yourself, and everything that you have worked for, is not being a b..t

Amy78 wrote: »

it just makes me laugh when he said i should go out for pints with him and his girlfriend
is that a joke or what?

He is being controlling and - from the other things you quote him as saying - he seems to think that you are a sad loser with no friends or life, and he is trying to build on that.

Amy78 wrote: »

in a way he is sound as a pound

But, from what you have said here, he isn't sound in any way that matters. He is a nightmare. He and his girlfriend are using you. They are not even giving you minimum respect. You don't know anything about his girlfriend. And if you came back from your Christmas holiday to find that they'd had a party and advertised it on Facebook so the place was trashed, or he had stolen and sold some of your belongings, or burned a hole in the carpet, would you still say that he was "sound as a pound"? What if he changed the locks while you were away and squatted in your home? It would be six months or more before you could get him out.

I must say, I'd feel happier if you threw him out tomorrow. He can't be trusted to be left in your home over Christmas.

tiamai_d

This is not relevent, but my parenst has a lodger when I was younger (must have been 7-9 years old) and I hated it. Hated it. He was dirty, strange, his room smelled (actually our dog used to always go into his room to be sick!), he would get drunk and pee in the hall.... plus I had to share a room with my brother! I hated my parents for it, I really did! Then he got a girlfriend.... She ended up staying over most nights and well, lets just say the nicname 'squeaks' was apt. Though it should have been SQEAKS!!!!

MRS_TO_BE_2

So where is he now? Can you have the conversation now. At least it gives it the chance to start packing and finding somewhere else.

Amy78

thanks Beaujolais nouveau ,well what is sure is that he is not my mate and my life is not his business
i do go out but in week ends
i think you are right when you say that he seems to think that you are a sad loser with no friends or life, and he is trying to build on that.
well i told him i would let him know after thinking if he had to go or not and i will just tell him he has to go ASAP preferably before i go on holidays as i dont feel comfortable letting him the flat alone as trust is gone and i dont want his GF to be alone in the flat in the day.

it is hard as it is really the 1st time i have to do that. but he did not care letting me do all the cleaning, and awaking me so why should i care about him.
i have checked his bathroom and it is filthy i need to make sure he cleans this before he goes cos i aint touching it.