Re: Lodger...Wrong Choice? Help Please

neas

the problem arises when a person pushes their standards on another.. or there is a big standard 'mismatch'.Oh and silvercar its meant to mean 'Wife's car fund'... am savign to buy her a newer car and for a house at same time... her renault laguna s reg is gonna die next mot lol.

Amy78

i fear arguments i dont like them at all,
he is not violent that is not what i meant at all.
just i dont know what to say if he talks to me about it
this is a good idea i will check with a neighour if the can come over thanks

Neas
i did not tell him anything about eating in the bedroom or cleaning cos i did not want him to feel i was imposing my standards on him
i had 2 lodgers before one for 6 months who moved in uk and 1 for a year and all was perfectly fine and they were lovely and we are still in touch they became friends so i dont think problem comes from me
now as i said major problem is noise at night and 4 or 5 nights a week the GF being there and noisy those are my major problems with him
he may have figured he was renting a room and the amount he paid would cover you cleaning bathroom etc. NO THAT RULE WAS VERY CLEAR AT THE BEGINNING So no excuse on this one
thanks

cave_2

Amy78 wrote: »

and i really don't feel like going back home tonight. it will be really akward after last night

That's awful - you NEED to get this guy out, for your own health and sanity.

This is your home - and he has no right to make you feel like this.

C

Badger_Lady

You rang?

Yes, taking a lodger in does command a certain acceptance of lifestyle - if you've ever lived in a shared house, assume that it'll be something like that. I'm very laid back and have a lot of space between me and the lodgers but I'd still be put out by having extra people wandering in and out all night! And it's not unreasonable - one of my lodgers once asked me on moving in, "what are the rules with, er, overnight guests?".

The fact is, you don't need any good reason to ask him to leave and he has no right to stay beyond his welcome. I was so nervous about asking my Lodger1 to go after only a couple of months, but I just said "Don't really think this is working out" and he agreed. I guess it's like dumping someone you've been dating but don't really get on well with!

Write a letter to give him as well, which factually outlines moving out dates, outstanding rent / bills and anything else that'll wrap it up, and start advertising for someone new if you're not scared off. Try and recruit someone who will fit with your lifestyle - if that's a 30-yr-old woman then go for it! Personally I always go for 28-yr-old men (but then I'm a messy, beer-drinking slob )

Amy78

I really tried to accept his lifestyle and i really made efforts
especially on the guest thing
but her being alone in the flat when he is not here or i am not made things worst too
he said he would not do it again and he did
so if i am being awake every single night by someone who does not care banging the doors and having loud phone conversation or with guest until 3 or 4 in morning this can not work
now on the cleaning i never told him anything and took it on myself to do everything as i did not want to make him feel uncomfortable.
but i think if you share even with a landlord you should clean after yourself and take responsabilities to clean after yourself. it is just for me i think common sense. My ex-landlord never had to clean after myself or hang my clothes.
i dont know i just though it was common sense as all the lodgers i had before were super

cave_2

"i really made efforts"
"i never told him anything and took it on myself to do everything as i did not want to make him feel uncomfortable"

I know you want to be a 'good landlady', but you are not his friend, and you are not his mother.

He's made it perfectly clear what his stance is, he doesn't care that he's hurting you and he's perfectly happy to take full advantage of you whenever you give him the opportunity.

Getting rid of him I think is going to bother you much more than him - but that's another reason to do it faster. He's a lodger, not an emotional investment. I know it feels horrible doing it, but it's not going to be as horrible living with it - and it's just going to erode your self respect if nothing else - he's made it quite clear that he doesn't respect you.

C x

sarahs999

We had a fantastic lodger for years - I had lived with her when I was single and then when I got married my DH and I asked her to live with us (reading that it sounds kinda kinky, but it wasn't, promise!) however she was a dream lodger. She was rarely in, very quiet when she was, and being Japanese occasionally made killer home made sushi.

If you don't like who you live with, change it. Life's too short.

RobertoMoir

Amy78 wrote: »

[Throwing him out because she doesn't like his brand of breakfast cereal might be daft but she'd within her rights to do that too.

i wont touch is things as it is his.

Oh I know Amy, I wasn't suggesting you would. I fully support anything you choose to do, for what little my support is worth, I was simply trying to come up with a ludicrous reason to throw someone out, in order to illustrate to someone else how a lodger has very few rights indeed.

Amy78

i told him yesterday i felt he was trying to walk over me and he said no
well as you said he is a lodger and not a friend so as he does not seem to care i better tell him to go ASAP

Thanks to all of you to have given me advise it is quite hard to deal with when it is the first time. 1st bad experience in 8 years of renting with landlord or other tenants or as being a landlord myself. Could be worst i presume never had this problem before

ampersand

Roberto - I wish you could be on hand when Amy tells him he must go.
####################
'i better tell him to go ASAP' -

NO!!!!!! Amy - you tell him he'll have to go this weekend at the latest and the locks are being changed. THEN ENSURE THEY ARE.

Don't return with more unhappiness and indecision here - kindly meant, but you will feel SO much better when this is done.
Than give yourself a break before choosing another Lodger, if you intend to.

The Christmas break can be EXACTLY that if you do this thing now.