Its ok , so he thinks ......

Mely

Mandi how are you today? Have you heard/seen him? Does he have his own key for your place? If so could you change the locks? Sorry for all the questions. I know you love him, but you know in your heart that things cant carry on like this.

DKLS

james10999 wrote: »

I don't want this to come across in the wrong way, but sometimes people can make a mountain over a molehill.

Your advice has the potential to be fatal, chuffing !!!!!! :mad:

Edit: Mandi, I hope you find the courage and strength to do what is right for you, Love is unconditional and doesnt come at the end of a fist, get this idiot out of your life and one day in the future you will meet somone who will treat you like the Goddess that you truly are.

nearlyrich

Violent bullies seldom change, drink is no excuse he hurt you and took your phone battery away. Please end this relationship and show your sons that it's not OK to abuse weaker people.

james10999

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

:eek:
Do you hit your partner? If so, under what circumstances?

I absolutely do not hit my boyfriend!!

I am quite shocked people are so horrifed with my response. I know the clear cut answer is to leave, and by that reckoning will be the most obvious advise anyone could give, however no one will ever know the background about this case.

I'd suggest you stay with him but put up secert cameras in the house. That way if he does it again you have evidence of what he's doing to you!

I am just giving other options of what you can do. At the end of the day it's your decision and no-one elses. All this forum shows you is some words on a screen from some random people on the internet you will never meet. The choices are yours to take.

bestpud

james10999 wrote: »

I absolutely do not hit my boyfriend!!

I am quite shocked people are so horrifed with my response. I know the clear cut answer is to leave, and by that reckoning will be the most obvious advise anyone could give, however no one will ever know the background about this case.

I'd suggest you stay with him but put up secert cameras in the house. That way if he does it again you have evidence of what he's doing to you!

I am just giving other options of what you can do. At the end of the day it's your decision and no-one elses. All this forum shows you is some words on a screen from some random people on the internet you will never meet. The choices are yours to take.

To a point you are correct but there are real people behind those words. And for someone in an abusive relationship, the internet can be a Godsend so please don't knock it based on your experience.

I am shocked you cannot understand why your post was wrong tbh.

Gingham_Ribbon

Mandi. I'm sorry. I really am.

I've been in a similar position to you, twice. I have a black eye at the moment and every time I go out I am very conscious of it because the thought of anyone thinking my lovely husband is like either of those 'men' really upsets me.

You love him. You really do. And maybe he loves you in his own fkd up way. But it's not enough. It really, really isn't and the simple fact is that you DESERVE more, you deserve better and you will be much, much happier once he's out of your life.

I lived with the second !!!!!! for 3 years before I stood up to him and kicked him out. I had to put up with various things afterwards that were humiliating and upsetting. He took my stuff, he broke in (using his key) with his father and went through all my things, even my underwear drawer was tipped out on the floor. He emptied the joint bank account. He continued to use the phone card knowing it was being charged to me.

However, there wasn't a single second that I regretted that decision and every stupid thing he did just made me stronger. Although he did hit me sometimes, it was mostly 'just' threats so I was never afraid of physical reprisals (from him. I was from the first one, so I broke up with him in public.)

Change the locks, honey and keep talking to anyone but him. Block his number on your phone. Don't answer the door unless you know who it is.

It'll hurt, because you're emotionally vulnerable. But it will be worth it. I PROMISE YOU.

RoxieW

Dear Mandi - please read my thread on this board 'massive family storm brewing' (if someone could link it I'd appreciate it cos I'm rubbish.)

I watched my mum fade from being a strong, single mum over the years to being someone who stood back and let her own children be abused because of domenstic violence. It eroded her completely until she was just a shell - just an extension of him because she wasnt allowed her own friends/thoughts and feelings. She loves this man like you love your man and she has stood by him through gradually worsening domestic violence, the sexual assaults on herself, then DV on her child (me), then sexual assaults on her child. He went to prison and went onto the sex offenders register and when he got out of prison she married him because she'd missed him so much.
If you cant draw the line now - when will you draw the line?
This is still affecting me and my whole family (I'm 26 years old now). Do you want your children to suffer the same? Trust me - one way or another they will suffer and it will scar them for life.

Gingham_Ribbon

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I have a black eye at the moment .

For the sake of clarity - my 1 year old hit me with a toy guitar by accident.

yoni_one

mandi wrote: »

Ty .

If you could just stop my emotions , my feelings for him . It hurts so much, to love someone that hurts you............

((Mandi)), I really wish I could stop your more damaging emotions.

It is bound to hurt so much now, your head and your heart are not in sync at all and that is painful.

With good support you can learn ways to at least better cope with your thoughts and your emotions and start bringing them together.

You know it might help to seek relationship counselling on your own as opposed to as a couple. We often refer women who come to the refuge on to RELATE and the feedback we get is really good.

Have a think about it Mandi.

btw, everyone on this thread seems to mean well but some advice you are being given is dangerous and I can only assume offered out of ignorance of the risks and a lack of understanding of your position. Please always put your safety and that of your children first in any decision making you do. Even when your head is mashed if you can focus on an aim to stay safe first and foremost then build everything around that, it can really help to have that direction when trying to navigate your way in a sea of total confusion.

july73

To a point you are correct but there are real people behind those words. And for someone in an abusive relationship, the internet can be a Godsend so please don't knock it based on your experience.

I just wanted to add to this. Many people have no one to turn to or feel they can trust. Mandi has most certainly had her confidence knocked. To top it of she is trying to make sense in her own head what to do. It may take 100 posts of support, understanding and advice even though it's from complete strangers. I know Mandi knows the right thing to do, It's just helping her get the strength and confidence to do it. Theres strength in numbers.

I know if I had this much support from complete strangers it would help me.

hope we are all getting your strength up to do what's best.