Its ok , so he thinks ......

mandi

yoni_one wrote: »

Mandi, yes the way you are feeling may confuse the heck out of you with your head and your heart at odds with each other but I promise you LOTS of the women I work with go through those emotions too. It really isn't unusual.

It is very difficult if not impossible to just stop loving someone, even when they intentionally hurt you however what is less difficult is learning how to cope with missing that person, learning how to challenge your thoughts when you are feeling weak, learning how to start thinking for yourself and living independently.

I cannot stress enough how much it helps to receive support on this journey, please contact the helpline and find out what is available in your area. No one will put pressure on you to do anything, and no one will judge you for feeling the way you do but what you will receive is lots of emotional support.

You do not have to go through this alone Mandi but you can only receive support if you ask for it.

I am so sorry you are feeling this pain, as many victims will testify, the longer term emotional pain is often far more difficult to deal with than the shorter term physical pain however it does heal eventually and many come out much stronger for having had the courage to face it.

Please get some help Mandi.

Ty .

If you could just stop my emotions , my feelings for him . It hurts so much, to love someone that hurts you............

mandi

mandi wrote: »

Ty .

If you could just stop my emotions , my feelings for him . It hurts so much, to love someone that hurts you............

ITS MADNESS, BUT TRUE...

july73

I don't think thats true and a very sweeping statement on DV. If a woman smacks a bloke as hard as she can in the face because she is angry is it any worse than a man doing it?

I agree no man should hit a woman, but also no one should hit anybody male or female. It's violence and shouldn't be tolerated.:mad:

As for this thread I have been angered, moved and all sorts tonight and haven't even read all posts.

Please!!! Please!!! leave him. No one deserves to be treated like this. If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself please do it for your boys. They will pick up on this and sorry to sound blunt, but you letting them see that you are tolerating this, you could sadly see history repeating itself. Do you want them to think what this man is doing is acceptable. Even worse they could turning out the same way when they get older. Please think about it.

I know this can't be easy and my heart goes out to you honestly. But please take on board what all are posting. You don't deserve and shouldn't put up with this. xxx

mandi

july73 wrote: »

I agree no man should hit a woman, but also no one should hit anybody male or female. It's violence and shouldn't be tolerated.:mad:

As for this thread I have been angered, moved and all sorts tonight and haven't even read all posts.

Please!!! Please!!! leave him. No one deserves to be treated like this. If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself please do it for your boys. They will pick up on this and sorry to sound blunt, but you letting them see that you are tolerating this, you could sadly see history repeating itself. Do you want them to think what this man is doing is acceptable. Even worse they could turning out the same way when they get older. Please think about it.

I know this can't be easy and my heart goes out to you honestly. But please take on board what all are posting. You don't deserve and shouldn't put up with this. xxx

Thank you very much July

i cant have .any contact, but my feelings, are real ..........and as much as I hate him ..im love him too

robpw2

mandi wrote: »

Thank you very much July

i cant have .any contact, but my feelings, are real ..........and as much as I hate him ..im love him too

its ok to still be in love with him , you cannot help who you fall in love with

but love isnt going to stop the violence .

you need to see someone about working through this and dont let your feelings get you into trouble

CFC

Robpw2 is right.

You can't control who you love. You do love him, and you may love him for the rest of your life. But that doesn't alter the fact that you need to end the relationship. It's very very hard and sad; but leopards dont change their spots.

july73

Thank you very much July

i cant have .any contact, but my feelings, are real ..........and as much as I hate him ..im love him too

I do feel you. This might sound odd, but if you love him then perhaps you could focus that love into forcing him to get help, by leaving him, rather than tolerating the violence. In other words your love is great enough, to not only do what's best for you and your boys, but what might be best for him too. It wont take weeks it could take years. Or he may not change at all. Do you love him enough to push him and help him change and become a better person. It is possible. We don't know his past or if any sort of help will change him, and this wont be easy for you. But do you love him enough to help him try to be that better person and change? That's going to be very hard to do, It will take all you strength emotionally, but you have to do something and if it means the person you love has any hope of being the person he should be towards you. Then it will be worth the heartache of leaving him etc

It's probably not how I meant to put it, I know what I'm trying to say but it's not an easy thing to put into words. I just think you can't change how you feel, then perhaps try to look at it differently. Where your doing this out of love for him too. But whatever happens you have to stop this violence now before it's to late. Hope I'm making sense. x

ragingbass

First off, it's very easy when you're on the outside looking in to take the moral high ground and say what the right thing to do is. But it's much more difficult when you're immersed in a situation and have conflicting emotions about it. So I won't take the moral high ground, like I said before, because that's obvious.

OP knows what the right thing to do is, so anything anyone says on here is largely irrelevant. It's a conclusion that an individual needs to draw themselves. In my lifetime, I'm sure there will always be victims of domestic abuse who choose to stay in that relationship, and that's their choice. Not to trivialise what's happened, but it's not exactly a new story is it? In fact, it sounds textbook.

Nothing in life is certain, but I have a feeling I'll be reading a similar post in a few weeks time. Or worse, in the paper. OP, I wish you luck in your decision making and I hope you make it before you or your kids really do get seriously hurt.

aliasojo

mandi, I think I'm safe in saying not one person who has replied on this thread is judging you, I promise you that.

This is going to have to be a leap of faith for you. You are going to have to take it on trust and believe that once you dont see him, your feelings will lessen. I'm not saying it's a case of out of sight out of mind, but your emotions are all over the place and are at a constant high level because this situation is all you can think of right now. It passes mandi, it really does.

Mely

Mandi...do you have children? You know when you feel the bumps on your head? Well i was like that all through my childhood and up untill i was 20. As my father was very violent and mentally abusive.My mother didnt leave him for years. It has caused me long term problems. He started on my mum first then me. Get out while you can!!!! Men like this rarely change. ((((hugs)))) xxxx
P.s...no one on here is judging you. We want to help you and are here for you xxxx