Its ok , so he thinks ......

bestpud

aliasojo wrote: »

mandi, I think I'm safe in saying not one person who has replied on this thread is judging you, I promise you that.

This is going to have to be a leap of faith for you. You are going to have to take it on trust and believe that once you dont see him, your feelings will lessen. I'm not saying it's a case of out of sight out of mind, but your emotions are all over the place and are at a constant high level because this situation is all you can think of right now. It passes mandi, it really does.

:T

That's exactly how it was for my relative - she had really mixed emotions for quite a while but once she did let go, she could see it was the best thing she's ever done - and she now can't understand why she couldn't see it earlier...

And I agree nobody is judging you, as far as I am aware.

skintchick

Mandi
It must be the hardest thing ever. It's difficult enough to leave a relationship that simply isn;t working but when you still love them it must be hell.

But you can do it, you are such a strong person, I can tell that from your posts on here over the years, and you deserve so much better, as do your children.

Contact some of the agencies posted on here and begin to talk through your options. Make just one phone call today. Baby steps are best - don;t think about the whole thing, just talking to someone and seeing what help is there, then tomorrow make another step, and so on, until it's done.

Is there a RL friend you can talk to and get support from? If not, the Samaritans are lovely and will let you talk without judging if you just need to say it all out loud - I always find talking to someone else helps me decide what to do, and the Samaritans aren;t allowed to offer advice.

I do feel so much for you - i had a bf that hit me once and I stayed with him until he dumped me, so I do know that daft as it sounds you simply love them and don;t want to walk away. You hope it will get better, but honey you know it won't.

Take a baby step today.
xxx

pinkshoes

I believe statistics show that most victims of domestic violence are hit 35 times before leaving or seeking help.

For many it is then too late.

I know you love him, but you need to put yourself and your children ahead of your feelings for him, and get out.

Perhaps some shock tactics would work? How do you KNOW that he wouldn't hit the kids? How would you feel if he did, knowing that you could have prevented it by leaving? Or if social services found out and took them away... Risks like that are not worth taking, so you really need to leave.

Mutter_2

I think some of you well meaning folk have not read the OP correctly.
There's no point advising her to get out.
She is the tenant.
He is the boyfriend who calls round to physically abuse her.
She lets him in.
Why does she post about it? No idea. All she has to do is not answer the door.

rchddap1

I think people mean 'get out of the relationship'.

To Mandi: I think your feelings are identical to many people across the world. You love them, but hate them. Know what you should do, but can't seem to do it. Those bumps though don't mean that he loves you. But I think you know all this already. So I'll stop whilst I'm ahead and won't 'preach to the converted'.

Sounds to me like you're looking for a bit of courage to do something.

belfastgirl23

I'd say don't focus on how you feel about him at all, focus on your children. Sometimes it's easier to see what other people deserve rather than what you deserve. you might think because the violence happens when they aren't there that they don't know about it. But if you think that it's not obvious in how you act around him, you're kidding yourself. I'm sure you don't want them to see their mum treading on eggshells.

Whether you love him or not, he is bad for your children and they come first.

I know this is incredibly hard but sometimes if you look at it from someone else's perspective it helps to strengthen your resolve. And I'm with the others, you know what it is you have to do, it's just about following through with it.

It might also be worth getting in touch with women's aid - the support isn't just there for women who have to leave home and are in crisis, they also provide emotional support etc which I think might help you a lot!

Good luck!

james10999

I don't want this to come across in the wrong way, but sometimes people can make a mountain over a molehill.

If you really love someone, you stick by them for better or for worse. It seems like your going through a rough patch and you need to sit down and talk about who is hitting who and talk about the emotional feelings and to stop overiding these with physical emotions.

Your husband hit you? Hit him back! He'll soon get the message not to mess with you and then you can sit down and talk about your problems rather than resorting to violence all the time.

And overall.....Good luck!

wannabe_sybil

james10999 wrote: »

I don't want this to come across in the wrong way, but sometimes people can make a mountain over a molehill.

If you really love someone, you stick by them for better or for worse. It seems like your going through a rough patch and you need to sit down and talk about who is hitting who and talk about the emotional feelings and to stop overiding these with physical emotions.

Your husband hit you? Hit him back! He'll soon get the message not to mess with you and then you can sit down and talk about your problems rather than resorting to violence all the time.

And overall.....Good luck!

:eek:
James, I am sure you mean well, but it doesn't quite work like that. It is unacceptable for any human being to hit another human being. Also it is very likely that to follow your advise - the complete opposite of that of the police - would get Mandi seriously beaten up and possibly seriously injured. Men are usually stronger than women. And after years and years and years of abuse, mental and physical, hitting back is not generally an option. If you do, the abuser (yes, abuser!) sees it as a challenge and will try and reassert authority. By whatever means necessary. The statistic quoted is two women every WEEK are killed by their partner or former partner.

Do you hit your partner? If so, under what circumstances?

I am sorry Mandi, keep posting on here for support whatever you decided to do, there are a lot of people on here who are lovely and who have been in your position.

LilMissEmmylou

James - no offence but what sodding stupid advice! In most cases men are stronger than women and if they are angry enough to hit once when you fight back they will happily hit you again!! There is no 2nd chances when you have been hit IMO.

Get out while you can mandi - you are worth more than this.

Mely

James...i really couldnt believe what i was reading when you advised the op to hit her violent partner back!!!!! Omg if she did that could have catastrophic consequences!!!! Also i doubt she would have it in her to do so, after having the stuffing knocked out of her both emotionally and physically by him. Violence breeds violence,....end of!!!!