christmas family nightmares

Ishtar

ross007 wrote: »

When we brought our first house we told respective parents no visits to us or them on Christmas day, harsh sounding but that is what we wanted. We visited my family on Boxing Day morning and the wife's in the afternoon. The arrangement worked and we have kept it the same for 10 years, even after the birth of our daughter and another one on the way. It works better as my little girl now gets 2 Christmas days!

We pretty much did this after our first Christmas together - the one where we spent the entire time rushing around visiting parents and not getting any time to ourselves. Our situation is slightly more complicated because my parents are divorced, so essentially there are three sets to visit! We ended up tired and snapping at each other - not the best Christmas day for either of us.

After that we said 'tough' and told people that we weren't visiting them on Christmas Day. It's been like this for the past 15 years, but this year MIL is piling on the pressure to descend upon us...we're just going to have to dig our heels in I think. (We're hoping to head her off by spending most of Christmas Eve with them!)

It became more important to us to have Christmas Day to ourselves when we had our daughter (she's now 4), and I agree with other posters that as you are a family unit now the day should be yours to spend as you want.

In our case, most of the rest of the break is booked up with visits to parents and other family. It's not much to ask people to respect your wishes for one day is it?

D.

margaretclare

By the way margaret your christmas breakfast sounds delicious

You're welcome to join me if you like. Or join us, if DH is here and not in hospital, which won't be known until nearer the time.

rev229

I can never understand why people make such a fuss over 1 day, I know its christmas day but do as you want, you are an adult now with your own family and it is for you and your partner to decide what you really want. My mother used to invite herself from Ireland every year when our kids were younger then we would all go to the in-laws on Boxing day if I was not working, it was always the same my husband and I had to do a Christmas Lunch just because my mother was with us. My Husband got fed up with it and just asked her if my brother in Ireland would like to spend Christmas with her! Job done! she has never been back for a christmas since. We also had a few years were we told the in-laws that we wanted to have christmas on our own without seeing any family. We saw tham about 2 weeks before and then invited them at the last minute for New year. I think they were a bit dissappointed but it was our choice. 2 years ago we went to Wales just the 4 of us and it was the best xmas ever! This year we are having all my Husbands family here on Christmas day for lunch which is the first year ever. I think my mother was hoping for an invite, but no way as she would be here for at least 2 weeks!!!!!

nadnad

i know a lot of people dont see christmas as a big deal, but it always has been a special day in our house, prob traditionally because it was the one day we all got together and saw each other, but now we all live within about 30 minutes (or less) of each other and so we see everyone all the time, and so to me its less special, but to my mum it prob always will be a big day.

Zazen999

nadnad wrote: »

i know a lot of people dont see christmas as a big deal, but it always has been a special day in our house, prob traditionally because it was the one day we all got together and saw each other, but now we all live within about 30 minutes (or less) of each other and so we see everyone all the time, and so to me its less special, but to my mum it prob always will be a big day.

And to you - with your little one - it will also be a big day. Why should you be any different to your mum?

nadnad

Zazen999 wrote: »

And to you - with your little one - it will also be a big day. Why should you be any different to your mum?

suppose thats true enough! i'm so used to putting her first and worrying about her feelings that i forget about my own! :rolleyes:

ClareEmily

I have similar problems with my family.

Last Xmas went like this:

Xmas Eve drove down to Gosport to visit friends and swap presents, then down to Chichester to see more friends.

Xmas Day at home just the two of us (as hubby prefers this) while I was serving lunch some more friends popped over, I asked if they wanted to stay for something to eat they said no, but then wouldn't leave.

In the afternoon went over my hubby's mum and dads, then to his sisters.

On boxing day went over my dads (they postpone Xmas day until Boxing day every year for us, even though I have asked them not to) so ate another Xmas lunch with all the trimmings. Then in evening went to my mum's where she moaned about not seeing us for very long and why didn't we want to eat more choc and sausage rolls.

The following day we travelled all the way to Leicester to spend day with my sister.

Each year it is the same, it is easy for people to say stand your ground blah blah blah, but I get emotionally blackmailed by everyone each year, starting about now.

We always feel rushed and stressed and don't enjoy this time of year at all. Also we feel like we are the ones doing all the travelling backwards and forwards to people.

Every year I say to my hubby "right this year will be different" but it never is. I don't want to upset anyone, and suppose it is nice that they do all want to see us.

So OP you have my sympathies and I know about families not getting on, nightmare at my recent wedding.

Zazen999

ClareEmily wrote: »

I have similar problems with my family.

Last Xmas went like this:

Xmas Eve drove down to Gosport to visit friends and swap presents, then down to Chichester to see more friends.

Xmas Day at home just the two of us (as hubby prefers this) while I was serving lunch some more friends popped over, I asked if they wanted to stay for something to eat they said no, but then wouldn't leave.

In the afternoon went over my hubby's mum and dads, then to his sisters.

On boxing day went over my dads (they postpone Xmas day until Boxing day every year for us, even though I have asked them not to) so ate another Xmas lunch with all the trimmings. Then in evening went to my mum's where she moaned about not seeing us for very long and why didn't we want to eat more choc and sausage rolls.

The following day we travelled all the way to Leicester to spend day with my sister.

Each year it is the same, it is easy for people to say stand your ground blah blah blah, but I get emotionally blackmailed by everyone each year, starting about now.

We always feel rushed and stressed and don't enjoy this time of year at all. Also we feel like we are the ones doing all the travelling backwards and forwards to people.

Every year I say to my hubby "right this year will be different" but it never is. I don't want to upset anyone, and suppose it is nice that they do all want to see us.

So OP you have my sympathies and I know about families not getting on, nightmare at my recent wedding.

Wow - doesn't anyone else in your family drive then?

ClareEmily

Zazen999 wrote: »

Wow - doesn't anyone else in your family drive then?

You would think not wouldn't you, so annoying.

Because we haven't got children can't even use that excuse to lock the door and dissapear until the New Year.

melwright

I have to admit we're really lucky. We set the tone afew years back without children and now follow this every year.
Since we had kids my in laws moved to Spain, the first year they muted that us spending Christmas in Spain would be a great idea, but the thought of lugging presents, travelling, expense etc put paid to that. Then DS2 was born on Xmas day, so we made it clear, it's his birthday too and tough, we're not going to Spain for the forseeable future at Xmas. They fly over each year 2 weeks before hand, we have the tree up and I cook Xmas dinner and have a special family time with them then.

My folks are generally great, mum has always said, do what you want, if that involves us great, if not it's your family and do what's best for you.

For the last few years, we call them when the kids have opened their stockings and my folks come over to watch the presents being opened (b'day ones first!), have bucks fizz and then leave.

We do usually go to them for dinner or they come to us, but it's our choice and we're happy with that. Admittedly because it's DS2's b'day, it makes our day different anyway (singing happy birthday and having b'day cake with Xmas pud!)

Most people understand that when you have a family of your own, you make the rules that suit you.

Good luck with your plans, but please do the right thing for YOUR family unit and everyone else can go round that. Surely your mum won't cut her nose off to spite her face and not see you just because your not going there? How about inviting her round for Xmas breakfast, get to see presents opened etc?

Wishing you well.
Mx