christmas family nightmares

nadnad

does anyone else have the same problems i do at christmas - which family to spend it with?

most of my friends have reasonable families who understand that you can't split yourself down the middle but unfortunately my family and my oh's family don't fall into this category.

for the last 10 years we have got up on christmas day, flew down the motorway, visited my dad, visited his granny, had dinner with one family and then spent the evening with the other family (vice versa each year). its totally not enjoyable cos we never feel that we can sit down and relax before moving on we always clock watching and trying to split the time equally. Every year we get the "oh are you going already", "you didnt stay long" blah blah blah. We never get chance to have a drink or sit and veg in front of the tv.

this year we had a baby and moved into a new house and vowed that we would have christmas at home, but already the rumbles of complaining is starting, cos of course they all want to see the baby on his first christmas. we can't even invite everyone here because the two families dont get on. so either we stay at home all day (like we want to) and cause WW3 (my sister tried this one year and my mum went buck mad), or we have dinner at home and traipse round everyone afterwards in which case its the same old same old, us doing the running.

is there ever a peaceful solution?!

jackomdj

Personally I would stand your ground - or you will be trapsing your Children around every Xmas (OK when they are babies but when LO is older they should be able to enjoy their toys etc)

How about inviting one set of parents to visit this year & the other next year & going to visit the other set a few days before or after Xmas Day. This is what we do (but because of the size of our house rather than them not getting on) as I feel our Children should be able to enjoy this special day in their own surroundings.

HTH
Nicky

myrnahaz

If you don't feel like telling them what a selfish bunch they all are, what about spreading your visits over a few days, starting a day or two before christmas? That way, you get to see everyone over the holiday, spending more time with each, and still get to spend christmas day at home. Otherwise, just get the visiting over on Christmas day and spend the rest of the holiday at home.

deborah64

We nearly had this problem 21 years ago after having our 1st daughter, but my o/h dug his heels in and we have spent every christmas at home with the girls, now 21, 13 and 10, we have visitors christmas eve, and if people want to come and see us boxing day thats fine, but christmas day is ours.
My 21 yr old often goes to a friends on the afternoon, but my o/h and i both work, so its our chance to sit and veg if we want to and to spend time with the girls.
This year we can go and do the eve/ boxing day visits as o/h has passed his test this year,
If you are serious about spending the day on your own, you need to be strong and stick to your guns, i know its easy for me to say it.
I for one wouldn't fancy travelling most of the day with such a young baby, not fair on him either.
Hope you get it sorted and manage to spend a happy christmas together

Rachel83

Probably not a useful solution but stand your ground and say thanks for inviting us but we want to do christmas at home this year as we have our own little family now and we want to do it our way.
Unfortunatly this may upset people but im sure deep down they will understand, and if its that much of an issue they can book a time to come see the baby and you when the other family wont be there. Although that seems a litte extrem.
I guess if you don't tell them now that you'd like christmas at home you may be expected to do this every year, and carting a small child around to everyones houses on christmas day will never be fun especially if your carting round santas pressies everywhere.

foxxymynx

You have your own family now. You have to d what is best for your little one. It wouldn't be fair for you to cart a little one up and down the motorway around all the houses etc, when a huge part of celebrating Christmas is spending it with your family - your family is your little one!

If they want to see your child at Christmas, tell them to come over. Maybe do what I do, spend Christmas Day with one side of the family and Boxing day with the other side and alternate each year. For example, go to your Mums on Christmas day for tea and his mums on Boxing Day for tea and have Christmas Dinner at your house!

nadnad

thanks for your replies.

we did actually invite my mum and her OH here but she was hesitant, i think because her OH likes to be at home, so you'd think if she understands that, she she would understand us wanting to stay at home. but i know she'll cry and go on. when my sister said she wanted to be at home with her LO a couple of years ago my mother went mad, and her big guilt trip is "if my mum was alive today i would break my neck to see her on christmas".

we would quite happily have everyone round here, we have the room the kitchen is big and the table seats 10, but they just dont get on so that would be more stressful.

i know we'll have to put our foot down because you're all right kids like to be at home playing with their toys and although he's too little yet to understand, he soon will.

i suppose we could drop all the presents round on christmas eve (only problem is my OH probably working til 5.30), and then we could visit them all on boxing day, or tell them all they're welcome to come round and see us. But in my heart i know that they'll say boxing day isnt as special as christmas. and i also know that though they'll complain about not seeing baby if we dont bring him round and i know that they wouldnt put themselves out to come over here for and hour or two. they expect us to run after them.

*Paris*

I agree with everyone else, stand your ground! I think you should spend Christmas day how you want to, not worry about what other people want!

What about inviting the 2 families, 1 on Christmas Eve, and 1 on Boxing Day? Christmas is only 1 day afterall, your families shouldn't hold it against you!

nadnad

*Paris* wrote: »

your families shouldn't hold it against you!

they shouldnt but they will!

is everyone elses family normal? just mine are the mad ones eh?! :rolleyes:

Rachel85

Personally I would stay at home - and give them the option of calling in if they want to. If they don't like each other that's their problem - first to respond gets the best time. You could encourage one to call round in the morning then another later on around tea time.

daveyjp

There is a solution - go on holiday. Doing this was the best decision we ever made. We now have a daughter and my family have hosted on Christmas Day for the last two Xmas days, but this year we are going on holiday again. Only in Scotland, but we can please ourselves.

There are 365 other days to see family.