christmas family nightmares

babs2008

PasturesNew wrote: »

Now you are a family you need to stay in your own home and start to build your family traditions and memories for you child/ren.

I'd put my foot down and say it's Xmas Day at home/alone for you ... then on Boxing Day you'll visit each family in turn, so alternate years.

Agreed.

New families need to think of themselves and enjoy themselves at Christmas, without the worry of pleasing everyone else.

vickyjayne

I would tell one family to come in the morning then one in the afternoon like you have had to do for years then perhaps they will appreciate what you have had to do.
It is your first family xmas and you cant drag your baby up and down the motorway every year as it will spoil their day as well

clairehi

Agree with the others. Do it your way, they may sulk but they will get over it. Christmas is one day out of 365 and they have the rest of the year as well! We have (had) a 3 -year rota - one year at home, one year with DH family, one year with mine. Fair on everyone.

Your families sound totally manipulative, and they are just using Christmas as an excuse for an argument. Sad but they are not the only ones.

Dumyat

we've tried it all ways over the years, and you will never please everyone, so just do what suits you and your new family.
my in-laws like to go out for christmas dinner - tried that one year with kids...never again!
went to my folks...not bad for me but OH felt hard done by...
had everyone round here...mmmm

play the compromise card...christmas eve or boxing day.

and definitely agree with the set boundaries this year, or you will live with the consequences forever.

pukkamum

We have had this with my eldest sister.
Prior to last year at her insistance we would all go to her house getting as early as poss (again at her insistance mainly so i could make the dinner while she swanned around).
Quite frankly the last time we did it i had the worst day ever our poor kids opened their pressie and within half an hour were being herded out the house to my sisters whose elderly mil would tut every time they made a noise.
Last year both my sisters were away travelling and we got to spend it at home, well it was bliss!!!!
My mum works on the day so she came round at about four in time for dinner and stayed for a few hours which was perfect (not to be horrible lol)
This year my sister has had a baby and expected us yet again to drop everything and go round to hers.
We have refused saying as the kids were older we felt it was only fair to stay at home but we would be willing to have the family round on boxing day.
Well she has had a strop saying we don't care it is her son's first christmas and nobody wants her!!!!
I am standing my ground though (so far)!!!

nadnad

yeah my OH is of the opinion let them get on with it and do whatever but I'm the one who worries and who'll get the grief.

clairehi

nadnad wrote: »

I'm the one who worries and who'll get the grief.

My cousin had a wonderful way of taking the wind out of the sails of moaning relatives. she would just say, totally sincerely, without any aggression, that it really upset her when they said ...etc. etc...

Maybe worth a try?

RoxieW

Hi nadnad
We have this problem too and took our son to nannys for his first xmas. first and last time. since then we've stood firm and had our own family xmas at home - reasons being - children like to be at home, in their own beds and surroundings, children like to be at home to play with their toys on xmas day, children dont like being rushed here there and everywhere! Now you have your own family you do your own family xmas - it will only get worse as child gets older and/or you have more children. Who wants to traipse tired, excitable kids around on a day that should be about relaxing, fun, family time?? Do whats best for you and your child - blow everyone else!
We now visit people the day before and the again sometime after xmas - maybe boxing day but more often the day after.
If family are that bothered then they should visit you - esp with a young baby to travel with. They're being selfish. I wouldnt make it into a big deal - just, when they ask about xmas arrangement say 'oh, we've decided to spend it at home this year. we dont want to be doing lots of too-ing and fro-ing with the baby'.

brazilianwax

daveyjp wrote: »

There is a solution - go on holiday. Doing this was the best decision we ever made. We now have a daughter and my family have hosted on Christmas Day for the last two Xmas days, but this year we are going on holiday again. Only in Scotland, but we can please ourselves.

There are 365 other days to see family.

That's what we do :beer:

My parents hate xmas (as do i), my sister usually works. Xmas has bad memories for me, and I'd rather not be with family at that time of year. Did try going to OH's (enormous) family one year and I couldn't handle it. So we go away with friends every other year, and have xmas on our own in between.

Works really well. (we don't have children).

shellsuit

Christmas Day is spent at home for me, always has and always will be, ever since I had the children.

There is NO way that I'm going to drag my children around with me and take them away from their presents (Christmas is for the children IMO) just to make others happy and keep the peace.

We had everyone round for Christmas last year, and we are doing the same this year, but next year when the new baby arrives, it will just be us, my Dad, Mum and stepdad.

I don't have to worry about OH's family, as I've never been invited there on any day of the year for the 6+ years I've been with OH, let alone be invited over the Christmas period.