christmas family nightmares

Red_Squirrel_4

My suggestion to counter the guilt trip (jeez am I familiar with those):rolleyes:

Yes, first get you sister in the frame, then get your in-laws sorted, have it settled when they are likely to visit you.

Now when you broach the subject with your mum, if she wimpers a little but accepts, do not let her know you invited in-laws first, but if she goes all guilt trippy then let her know, nicely, that in-laws have happily accepted situation and are happy to make the effort to visit you and their grandson during his first xmas.

This will throw the guilt trip round, in-laws are willing to make the effort but she is not!

I know this all sounds coniving ....... hmmm, well it is!! But having a mum (who I love dearly) who is highly skilled in both guilt tripping and comments that cut deep, I see it more as a defence tactic.;)

Everyone has mentioned dragging your sweetie out and about on xmas day is unfair, but so is having a frazzled mummy and daddy on xmas day, give him the best gift for his first xmas you can, happy, chillin' mummy and daddy.:beer:

Sorry, I can do guilt trips too, learnt from the best:rolleyes:

never_enough

Agree with all the previous posters, esp last one, as it's genius.
In my experience even if parents & in-laws get on there is a level of rivalry. Knowing that your in-laws are ok about your decision should help stop any moans from your mum.
I hope that it's not too stressful, but once it's said & sorted, make sure you
stick to it.
I hear of so many people feeling obligated to do things they dont want to do at Christmas. It's really sad, just spoils the day & the relationship. One of my friends used to drive 200miles to her mums on Christmas morning after a night shift...[she stopped after being told off for not being very festive!!!!] Another has a 'Vicar of Dibley' situation with two meals about 4 hours apart.
Our perfect Christmas, like any other perfect day off, involves wearing pjs all day, no cooking & lots of chocolate.

ross007

When we brought our first house we told respective parents no visits to us or them on Christmas day, harsh sounding but that is what we wanted. We visited my family on Boxing Day morning and the wife's in the afternoon. The arrangement worked and we have kept it the same for 10 years, even after the birth of our daughter and another one on the way. It works better as my little girl now gets 2 Christmas days!

It's simple they don't ask and we don't have to turn them down. Your own family unit is the most important thing, do what makes you happy not anyone else.

margaretclare

It's worth remembering that traditionally Christmas lasted for 12 days starting on Christmas Eve. Anyone who says that 'Boxing Day is less special than Christmas Day' has little understanding of what Christmas is all about.

12 days should be ample to see all those people, eat all those meals, listen to all those snide comments, everything else that you're expected to do!!

Pssst

nadnad wrote: »

i dont think i am letting others control my life. i have felt that christmas is for families and because its just been me and OH up til now it seemed that the right thing to do was to visit everyone, even though it was a pain in the bum. now we have our little one and our new house and we think its about time we sat down for christmas, however the rest of the family will think because its the babies 1st christmas they will want to see him, and they will think it terrible that we arent visiting them. its not really about control, but family values i think.

Sorry,i wasn't suggesting control in that sense. Of course you are right to want to have Christmas at home. as you say,it seemed the right thing to do but a pain and it does sound like a lot of running about. Just sit down with a pen and pad and plan a schedule which give a little to everyone but without excessive strain on new mummy

jellyhead

red squirrel your idea about getting the inlaws to agree first is fab lol!

nadnad I see what you mean about family value, and although some prefer to be on their own on christmas day I prefer to go to my mum's or my in-laws for a big family get-together. I wouldn't enjoy visiting more than one home though.

I understand why you want to see people - I just don't see why it has to be you who does all the running around. Let them all visit you in your home if that's what you prefer.

nadnad

jellyhead wrote: »

I understand why you want to see people - I just don't see why it has to be you who does all the running around. Let them all visit you in your home if that's what you prefer.

Exactly!! I think its cos my and OH have ran after everyone for so long now that they've come to expect it. although i think my mum thinks everyone should come and see her, that its not up to grandparents to go to visit their grandchildren but should be the other way round. and may i add here that my mum is only 55, if she was elderly or had difficulty getting round of course i would be going to her.

Well anyway last night I rang her and said that we would be having christmas dinner at home just the 3 of us. i said that we had mentioned to inlaws about visiting us. she never said a thing, other than "i'm not very well at the moment and dont really care whats happening at chistmas". i got the distinct vibe there would be more said. i didnt expressly mention we wouldnt be visiting before or after dinner and she never mentioned. this wont be the end of this thread i just know it....!! _pale_

belfastgirl23

Oh dear nadnad, please don't let yourself be dragged into this, I'm actually feeling a bit cross at your mum on your behalf and do keep posting her for moral support, you are in the right here and you have to stick to your guns. If she says again about not being well I'd just say well at least you'll get to have a nice quiet christmas then although if you fancy coming to ours on xx you know you'll be very welcome. And leave it at that. She will give up eventually if you hold fast, but don't show any sign of guilt or you're sunk!

Zazen999

What Belfast said...good luck
xxx

jellyhead

If she's only 55 I think there's no real reason for you to treat her any differently to any other family member, unless she is disabled or very ill. Some illnesses seem to make relatively young people feel like a pensioner though - diabetes etc.

Christmas is nearly 4 weeks away so it's unlikely that an illness now would still be affecting her on christmas day.

If you are close to your mum and you see her a lot then you might want to invite her round to have her lunch with you, depends how you feel about it.

It's something people like me won't really understand, because my mum, MIL, grans etc. are all just as happy to see people on boxing day etc. and don't think christmas day itself is a big deal. Is this really important to her? Perhaps you could get the other relatives to agree to coming over or seeing you on boxing day, but let your mum come over to you on the day itself. Your husband might think it's favouring your mum over his family though.