christmas family nightmares

belfastgirl23

First things first, you are going to be hung for a sheep as a lamb on this one so make your decisions carefully and remember you are going to get flak no matter what you do so you may as well do what's right for you and your family.

I think reframe everything from the POV of your LO, this will help you think a lot better about what is right or not.

I always think it's awful for kids on christmas morning to be dragged away from their presents and scrubbed from head to toe and made to go visit relatives. They deserve time, space, and the attention of their parents. That's a big part of the pleasure of christmas for children. Don't take it away from yours.

If your mum cuts up rough tell her that your LO is going to be your centre of attention this christmas. yes it will be horrible at the time but if you give in now then you are going to be doing this for another 20 years or so. If you've invited her then you've done your share.

These things do blow over. Your mum needs to understand that your LO is now the focus of your life rather than her.

But when it gets bad, remember you are doing this for your child. It isn't selfish, in fact to me it's selfless that you are enduring this so that they can have happy christmases for years to come

edited to say, if your mum disputes that this is what is best for your LO don't be afraid to say that you are her parents and you are the people who know what is best for them!

bunty109

I say do exactly what you want!

It's taken a fair few Christmases before I got something resembling the arrangement I would like and in the past I have been asked to commit to arrangements for the following Christmas on Boxing Day!

If you don't do what you'd like then you run the risk of ending up not liking Christmas. I've become pretty ambivalent to it tbh and I don't like that feeling (I don't think my children see that in me though as I try really hard!).

nadnad

my mum actually sees the little one every week, but to her christmas is just sooo special. i def dont want to be tramping the roads with my little man, it'll make him grouchy and we wont be relaxed and my OH gets little enough time off work to enjoy spending time with us. so i'm just giong to have to be brave.

oh deary me, now where did i put those ear plugs and the emotional blackmail protective suit of armour....

serena

nadnad,

I'm with everyone else. Your family is the one that matters now.

Youy've planned your perfect day. Why not write it down, and stick it on the fridge, so you will be reminded everytime your mum has a guilt trip.

It may help her deal with it if you can say something like 'I understand that you feel disappointed' - acknowledge she has the right to feel however she wants. Just keep gently pointing out that your little one is six months old, he's teething (if he isn't yet, he will be!) and would be better nice and calm at home. I doubt very much if he'll care one way or the other, babies are pretty portable at six months - but it'll be a very diferent story when he's four!

belfastgirl23

Also try really hard not to get drawn into guilt inducing conversations, as serena says, acknowledge it and move on. If your mum persists, find a reason to hang up the phone or walk away. If all else fails, say it straight that the subject is closed. Remember supernanny do not reward bad behaviour with attention!!

skylight

And good advice for next year, get your "no's" in nice and early!

jellyhead

nadnad wrote: »

me and oh were planning our ideal christmas day last night.

If that's what both of you would wish for then you should do it!

I agree with comments about getting your sister on board too, she probably wishes she was strong enough to stand up to your stubborn mother.

Talk to your sister and maybe agree that you both want to have christmas in your own homes, and your mum can visit each of you if she wants to.

When your mum moans tell her how unfair it is for your child's christmas to be ruined by being dragged from his toys to spend most of the day in a car. You could even say that because there are so many drunk drivers on christmas day you don't want to take the risk, not now you have your baby in the car with you.

Tell her it's a joint decision, your husband agrees and that she can't get you to change your mind because she will never change HIS mind

Newly_retired

I have always had to stay at home as DH always works Christmas Eve and Day. Some years relatives have come to us. As we live a long way from all our relatives we go always to them afterwards.
Often it makes me sad at what I'm missing out on but that's the way it is. I would love to be part of a big family gathering. As a Granny I would LOVE to see them opening their presents, but I can't. I don't expect them to travel up here with small children.

Pssst

Why do you allow others to control your life? simply explain to them that you will be spending Christmas at home this year but that you will come visiting on another day be it just before or after Christmas. Dont feel guilty about it. after all,they are not feeling bad about organising YOUR life are they?

Loz01

I agree with everyone else! You have your own family now and a baby, so you should do what families like doing best on xmas and stay home and have fun can always visit relatives on christmas eve or boxing day etc.