christmas family nightmares

bestpud

nadnad wrote: »

thanks for your replies.

we did actually invite my mum and her OH here but she was hesitant, i think because her OH likes to be at home, so you'd think if she understands that, she she would understand us wanting to stay at home. but i know she'll cry and go on. when my sister said she wanted to be at home with her LO a couple of years ago my mother went mad, and her big guilt trip is "if my mum was alive today i would break my neck to see her on christmas".

we would quite happily have everyone round here, we have the room the kitchen is big and the table seats 10, but they just dont get on so that would be more stressful.

i know we'll have to put our foot down because you're all right kids like to be at home playing with their toys and although he's too little yet to understand, he soon will.

i suppose we could drop all the presents round on christmas eve (only problem is my OH probably working til 5.30), and then we could visit them all on boxing day, or tell them all they're welcome to come round and see us. But in my heart i know that they'll say boxing day isnt as special as christmas. and i also know that though they'll complain about not seeing baby if we dont bring him round and i know that they wouldnt put themselves out to come over here for and hour or two. they expect us to run after them.

My response would be 'when my dd is grown up and I have a little grandson/daughter, I'll break my neck to see them at Christmas'!!

Works two ways when she is as able to get around as you are! In fact, one can argue it is kinder for the LO to be in his own home rather than being driven around the country!

Be tough or you will never get round this.

If there is one thing that makes me cross, it is emotional blackmail - it's a horrid thing to do to the people you are supposed to love!

Tell them they can come over xmas day, if they wish, or you will visit them on Boxing day. Every time she starts whining, remind her the offer is still open!!

At some point in the future (as they age), you may have to visit them, but for now, you, and they, have a choice, so if you want to stay at home then do so.

Believe me, your family are more normal than you think!!

skylight

Stand your ground. If you don't this will continue every year and you know it!

bestpud

Rachel85 wrote: »

Personally I would stay at home - and give them the option of calling in if they want to. If they don't like each other that's their problem - first to respond gets the best time. You could encourage one to call round in the morning then another later on around tea time.

:T :T :T I coudn't agree more!

Make a decision and stick to it, no matter what!

squidge60

we go around and see everyone a few days before xmas, great cos we leave when we want.:D

daphne_descends

skylight wrote: »

Stand your ground. If you don't this will continue every year and you know it!

nadnad, skylight is 100% right. What you do this year sets a precedent for the next several years and is especially important if you're factoring in having more children.

Put your foot down. Don't let them emotionally blackmail you - if my mum said that to me I'd be livid, she is putting herself above you and the needs of your DS and your family.

If I were in your shoes, I'd see one set on Christmas Eve, have Christmas Day to yourselves, and see the others on Boxing Day. I'd tell them all why you're doing it like this and to either like it or lump it.

Be careful and make the right choice for YOU, not them

nadnad

this is good everyone you're all giving me the push i need to be strong!!

we dont actually live that far from them all, so it would be easy for them to come here for a while, but i still know my mum's belief that grandchildren should be brought to visit nanna and not the other way round. grrrrr.

oh's family might be receptive to us spending boxing day with them, we'll sound them out and at least thats one side dealt with. and my dad only lives a mile up the road so he's easy - and he'll prob come here, he loves visiting the little man. and we can visit darrens gran on christmas eve she gets loads of visitors anyway so she'll not miss us on christmas day. its just my mum thats the problem really.

Spirit_2

Sounds a fairly normal family to me!

Have Xmas at home, invite your families to come if you want to, but enjoy your baby and time together on terms you are happy with . If those you invite do not want to come, that is their perogative.

Remember someone can only force you to do something you dont want to do if YOU let them.

iskc85860506

I would say my family are quite good at christmas they seem to understand that we have other people to see etc but my OH family arnt the same they allways moan no matter what we do.

We alternate each year christmas with OH family this year and boxing day with my family. oposite way around this year. My ih family allways moan but thats life someone allways has to try and spoil the occasion!! Aslong as we are happy with our decision and our children have a good christmas (which is whats important) I dont care what they think.

Infact this year we decided to stay at home for xmas day (as its much easier with the children) so we told the OH family that we are staying at home but they are very welcome to come here.
Of course they moaned but they are coming. They, like yours expect us to go to theres all the time and never seem to come to us. Allways moaning they dont see the children much but they havnt been to our house for about 4 months and we go there every 3-4 weeks.

Good luck.

ps - my husband thinks we should tell his family to get lost and have my cousin and her kids over for xmas day. As we would have a much better day. But I cant quite bring myself to do that. Even if it would save me being moaned at all day and listening to the snide comments about my abilitys as a wife and mother (no-one is ever as good as them).

Familys!!

PasturesNew

Now you are a family you need to stay in your own home and start to build your family traditions and memories for you child/ren.

I'd put my foot down and say it's Xmas Day at home/alone for you ... then on Boxing Day you'll visit each family in turn, so alternate years.

KellyWelly

Once we had kids we stayed at home unless we went to my husband's family who live in the States.

Stand your ground like everyone else has said. You are a family unit now and if everyone want to see you and the baby they will have to come to yours. It's your time now to start your own traditions and ways of doing things and you really don't want to be driving back and forth with a little baby. They're being completely selfish and unreasonable. Plus, it's only one day of the year, they can see you all another day.