domestic violence

solongmarianne

morning all , thanks again for all the advice.

i know you say stay dont let him win but its not just a case of that, i am at risk he nearly killed me, he has mde threats to hve me finished off,(police aware and even heard him say it when h was arrested ) i really think dissapearing is the safest option.

i had a dog , my retriever , which he tried to hurt twice after he was arrested , the dog was my baby, anotherway to get to me. dog has gone,to lovely lovely old man. and once or twice i have seen them when i had to go to the old place. my dog was looking content. i know a dog would protect me, but the thought of him hurting another dog i love is too uch.

i have found a large town/city which is very busy . a village is too cosy/neighbourly which i would dearly love but its too likely people talk. the town i have found is perfect and i should have moved there in the first place.

i am happy to cut everyone off. everyone seems drawn in on how lovely he is how he treated me like a princess ( I AM SICK OF CONSTANTLY HEARING THIS FROM FRIENDS)

my family wouldnt say a word to where i was. i have no worries there.

i do have 1 friend who i believe will not let me down. but even so i am still cagey with her. my facebook is secure and down to family nd one friend, my number is yet again changed. email changed. home number not yet changed, bit difficult as its on my business advertising.

i am not on electrol register tht can be seen. not sure wat else i can do ?

the town i have found he has no connections no family no friends , no need to work there. far enough away , mybe they wuld takea trip there for shopping at christmas but thas it, if ever they did do the journey.

i dont know what else i can think of.

tried martial arts classes before but having a man hold me so i couldnt move gave me panic attacks, cant have anyone touch my neck area. i will try this again and i know it wil help, but i wasnt ready at the time.

i didnt give my daughter every gory detail, but enough for her age (she is secondary age , ) so that she knows the situation , what happened, why it happened and wy we moved. she , to me, is quite a headstrong young girl.

i still hav my cat, he covered her in wd40 or the like , the vet said it was poisonous , but he sorted her and she is fine.

i dont want to leave here and start agn but i want to wake up feeling safe forever not just a few months like now.

belfastgirl23

No idea what to say to that last post except to say again how well you've done getting away from this man!

On the martial arts thing, you could try finding a female instructor and see if that might make things a bit easier?

Lots of luck whatever you decide to do!

74jax

Nothing for me to add either, other than on facebook make sure all your photos are for friends only and not friends of friends and remember if you are on a friends photo and they have it selected to friends then it soon get's about.

Do you know his email, can you bloke him completely. He can still search for you otherwise even if he can't get access. make sure you block friends too, as when you search for someone you can see there friends. it doesn't take much to then click on friends of yours and see what they are doing, where they live etc.

Steel_2

Could you change your business number from a home number to an 0800? I'm sure they are only a few quid every month and they might be able to divert calls through to your home number for a few months until you can change your advertising or update it to remove your home number permanently.

Do you have a limited company?

i am happy to cut everyone off. everyone seems drawn in on how lovely he is how he treated me like a princess ( I AM SICK OF CONSTANTLY HEARING THIS FROM FRIENDS)

I don't blame you. It must be awful. That's like someone saying you must be telling porkies. If they can still say that to you after knowing what he did and seeing the evidence dump them. Give his phone number to them and tell them if they're so bloody enamoured with the psychopath, why don't they ring him and go on a few dates with him to get him out of your hair. They have your blessing.

tried martial arts classes before but having a man hold me so i couldnt move gave me panic attacks, cant have anyone touch my neck area. i will try this again and i know it wil help, but i wasnt ready at the time.

Are you having counselling? A combination of that and going back to martial arts classes might help. Your counsellor could talk you through coping strategies. But you do need to find a way past this. It means that if you ever grabbed by someone, male or female, you'll freeze up instead of experiencing the normal 'fight or flight' reaction that could help you.

Can I ask, how angry do you get about this man and what he's done? Do you get really ball-crunching, fist-swinging angry when you think about everything he's done?

Have you ever been able to get really angry about what's happened or do you get upset instead?

ailuro2

If you aren't ready to go to classes with strangers, maybe you and your daughter could use youtube to find a few different moves, searching for choke holds, sleeper holds etc. on your own then try out a few with DD's help. Be careful you don't break anything though, even just talking through a few of the moves might help you feel a bit more comfortable with it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He may well be getting the 'friend' emotionally involved with him, partly so he can get your details, partly just because he's probably bored with not having a punchbag. She'll find out what he's like soon enough and she'll realise that you weren't self harming or attacking him, forcing him to defend himself, or whatever guff he is feeding her to make her feel sorry for poor little him.

It's not a failure of yours that he is a person who does bad things - thinking you are to blame is an extension of his 'you made me do it' nonsense.

Just do what you have to do to keep yourself safe.

xx

MrsE_2

solongmarianne wrote: »

up until saturday my partner lived with me (my house everything paid for by me)
saturday night he came home far drunker than usual (he is an alcoholic in my opinion) and attacked me/strangled me until I lost consiousness. now I called the police who were fantastic , he was found the next evening and arrested, bailed on conditions that he does not come near me, which laughably he broke straight away!!

I will not be taking him back , as I really did think my time on earth was up saturda night, however I do still love him, its stupid isnt it!!

I suppose my question is , how do you cope if this has happened to you? I have not stopped working /cleaning /.cooking as I feel if I do I am going to explode. I am gutted that 5 years and our future has gone in a flash. I am 28 if thats any help. Marianne x

I don't mean to sound hard, but you are well rid.
You are far better off single than keeping a free loading woman beater.

You will meet someone else & find love, but don't ever set your standards so low again.

tara747

MrsE wrote: »

I don't mean to sound hard, but you are well rid.
You are far better off single than keeping a free loading woman beater.

You will meet someone else & find love, but don't ever set your standards so low again.

Not sure if you have read the rest of the thread MrsE. The OP has got rid and left and now he has tracked her down again.

OP, you are an amazing person and I have the utmost admiration for you. I have no advice to offer beyond what others have said, but please do keep us posted as I follow your thread and am hoping for some positive news soon xoxo

joolsybools

Good luck to OP, just be careful not to give out too much personal information on an online forum. I hope things are on the up for you

MrsE_2

tara747 wrote: »

Not sure if you have read the rest of the thread MrsE. The OP has got rid and left and now he has tracked her down again.

OP, you are an amazing person and I have the utmost admiration for you. I have no advice to offer beyond what others have said, but please do keep us posted as I follow your thread and am hoping for some positive news soon xoxo

No I answered from the first post.

I just wanted her to wake up & see she was too good for this waster.

Well done OP