A not so happy relationship

AnnieM_3

Are you going for Couple's Counselling, or is it Anger Management Counselling for him?

Does the counsellor know hehas been violent, and the full extent of the violence? If not, you MUST MUST MUST let them know, in order for them to be able to address the issues in the correct way. Otherwise, I'm sorry, but I really do think you are playing a very dangerous game - this man has committed repeated acts of violence against you. I'd like to know what it is that makes you think this violent nature will suddenly disappear. I'm afraid I think sandraroffey is right - he will say what you and the counsellor want to hear, and will just carry on where he left off once he has you back in a house alone with him.

Without proper Anger Management therapy, he has no hope of really coming to terms with hs behaviour and its consequences. If you really are determined to stay with your OH/Ex, you have to make sure that his violent behaviour is dealt with.

If you don't do this properly, having made such progress and proving you do actually possess a great deal of inner strength by removing yourself from the situation initially, it will be such a shame. Please use this opportunity fully, and be prepared that you may still need to leave this man for good, if that's really what needs to happen.

Good luck,

AnnieM x

sandraroffey

i lived with a man like this for 37 years. he kept promising to change, flatly refused counselling but saw a shrink every once in a while but decided they couldnt do anything for him. and like you i kept thinking he would change, it would be fine tomorrow. but it never was. unfortunately they grind you down and down until their normal, becomes your normal. it culminated with us when he couldnt get his own way over something, so he threw gunpowder all around and was trying to find matches to light it. when my sister called the police, he waved a shotgun in her face. THEY NEVER EVER CHANGE. THEY GET WORSE.

and even now to this day, his is adamant that he has never made a threat of violence against me!! the gun wasnt loaded (AND WE KNEW THAT??) and the gunpwder wouldnt explode because it wasnt confined (AND WE KNEW THAT??) and all the other stuff over 37 years that he thinks was ok and didnt happen.

really, they dont change. not in a million years.

arthur_dent_2

Stavie please listen to these people they have all been through hell. Don't put yourself through that you are worth so much more.

Justwed08

Stacie - I know that you want to make this relationship work and that you believe he will change but the odds are he won't. However despite what people are telling you I don't think you will take any notice until you get back together and he is violent towards you once more. You are young and you want so much to believe him - most of us who have been in a violent relationship know what that is like even if we have managed to escape and have the support of our families behind us. Take things slowly but the really sad fact is that the vast majority of men never change I hope yours is the exception to the rule and that you do not learn the lessons some of us have the hard way. I know you love him and it's hard to stop loving someone but sometimes you have to let go while you are strong enough to do so. I wish you luck and I hope the strength to walk away when the time comes and before you get hurt.

Stephb1986_2

Hold on everyone!!!

Let her carry on fooling herself she will belive what she wants to believe and we are just wasting our time trying to give her advice when she wont listen to people who have been there and done that instead she believes someone who can control her. Let her carry on ruining her life. Its nothing to do with us.

I dont believe for a minute that they are not together with the comment of "we had a fab weekend" it says it all really. So lets all of us move on to someone who will actually listen to advice. Its the case off ask enough people and someone will eventually agree with her.

Steph xx

Staciep88

Thank you all. I didnt realise I was coming across like that, and I am grateful for your advice, im just struggling to do anything about it. And yes I really do beleive that he can change, and yes I probably won't do anything until/if it happens again. I really do appreciated everyones advice, and I know alot of your have been through it and whilst I was reading the posts you have all said that when you were back in my position you felt the same as me.

I DO appeciated your advice though.

CLOSED

ditzymuppet

Come on you! You can do this! You are stronger than this!

You are bright, smart and astute.... Your family will support you, and so will your friends (believe me, at a time like this, they will pull through)...they can however only do this once you acknowledge that you need help... You know what you need to do... please do it....

:T

~ditzy:p

arthur_dent_2

I will refrain from saying everything that I feel as I donot want you to think that I/We are against you, however you are in a position to get out now before children come into the equation and before your bust heads south.

The reason people are telling you to get out is not to annoy it is because they have been there done that. Honestly if you stay in a relationship which I feel in your heart of hearts you know is not going to work, you will regret it, eventually.

Putting closed at the end of a thread and hiding from the truth just because it hurts (and boy does it hurt) is not going to change anything.

Staciep88

I know people arent saying this to annoy me, I know that they are speaking from experience etc, and I know I must come across as just starting a thread and then being ungratful as I didnt take any advice. And for that I am sorry.

arthur dent: 'you know is not going to work' you said this in your last post, can I just say that I dont know that at all, if I did know then I wouldnt be in this situation. I have spoke to to a few people that have survived a broken relationship under the same circumstances and they are still together now. I'm not saying its going to work for me, and Im not saying that its going to be easy but I'm gunna give it a damn good go. And I know you're thinking that I have already given him a chance etc, and I know why your thinking that, I would be the same if it was another girl posting my thread. The reason I have closed the thread is not because Im hinding from the truth - well maybe I am a little, but thats not how I am seeing it at the moment, its more because I've made my mind up of what I'm going to try and do. thank u

Zazen999

Hi Stacey.

Nobody is doing anything to annoy you.

You started out asking how to get out of a relationship, where you owed money on behalf of your boyfriend, who was using you as a punchbag.

You were persuaded that the money doesn't matter, and then proceeded to make other excuses to stay with him.

You are an adult, what you do is your business and none of ours. Until someone really wants to help themselves, there is no point in others trying to do so.

So, go ahead, move back in with him, knock yourself out. After all, if you don't, he probably will.