A not so happy relationship

Staciep88

grey_lady wrote: »

Stacie, do you think he really will change, or be encouraged to change because you walked out / left him?
It just doesnt work like that - nothing that you do, or you hope for, will change him, we cant change others or force them into changing, no matter how much we want them to or try to talk them into
we can only change ourselves and our reactions / dealings with others.

If he's going to see a counsellor either with you or on his own because he thinks it's what you want, then thats not the same as him trying to change on his own accord.

If you really think he wants to change then the best thing that you can do to help him is to take a step back and get on with your life and let him get on with his for a few months.

Thank you, exactly my point - yes we can only change ourselves - which is why im off to see a consellor about why i let it happen. And he going to see his own counseller about why he does it. He made that appointment on his own accord - I didnt prompt him, it was probs his family giving him a little push aswell I think. And we are getting on in the way that he has moved in with his parents, and I have moved in with mine. We are taking a step back - well a few really, and just seeing what happens. thanks again x

Staciep88

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Your a fool if you take him back!

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me

I think your still hoping to get back with him as you keep saying "OH" when your no longer together.

You dont need this loser all he does is hurt you and make you depressed and feel worthless. Do you really need to feel like this?

Your 2 years younger than i am you have your whole life ahead of you, you could do so much with it hun please dont waste it

Steph xx

I totally agree. I actually only wrote OH once, and that was purely out of habbit. No I dont want to feel like that no, what I want is to see if things will change - whilst we are apart. Im not doing it for him anymore, if he really means he is sorry etc etc then I will know about it, if not, then oh well atleast i tried. thanks x

Little_Pickle

good luck to you Stacie x

scouserwench

You dont need the Counselling,Its the prat You got rid of, that You need to get rid out of your life forever.

sandraroffey

i cant believe you are even considering going back to him!!! he wont change. ever. and by going back ot him, you are telling him that his behaviour is ok, acceptable and normal. and he WILL do it again. and it willbe all your fault. grow up. grow a backbone and stand up for your self. he is now doing what everyone on here said he would do and you are believing him and caving in. game set and match to him. you are being a very silly person and dare i say incredibly childish even thinking about believing him!!!!

anger management does not change a control freak!!!!! and a control freak does not ever change!!!! and the control will become worse and worse!! has he mentioned having a baby yet?? thats the one they usually use. or 'i only do this because i care about you and worry about you!!!. rowlocks!!!!!!

dont do it!!! please!!!!!

and no - men like that dont change. ever. they usually end up seriously injuring someone. or worse!!!

debtmustgo

Leave him now!! I'm speaking from experience, they NEVER change, it may seem that they have (for a while), but it NEVER lasts.

I was never physically abused, but mentally my ex wore me out.. He depleted me of my character, my health, friends, family and so on... It has taken me a good 5 years to get back to my old bubbly self... :dance:

You have your whole life ahead of you, please, please listen to everyone, dump him for good!!

Good Luck!!

btw - we went for counselling too, it made me realise what an ar*e he was, the counsellor was fab and kept telling him to "shut up" and let me speak...
I look back now and realise how weak i was, but i tell you, i will never ever ruin a big chunk of my life again... Go on get out!

Jo_R_2

Hi Stacie

Just been catching up with the thread and I just wanted to clarify re: the confusion over you typing 'OH' - is he now your ex? I ask because I also noticed you said you both were getting on and taking a step back and seeing what happens, which reading into it sounds like you are in regular contact rather than no contact?

I honestly don't think you actually think of him as your ex - calling him your ex won't change what he is to you, and I think to you, you guys are 'cooling it', if you like, but I don't think in your head the break has been made has it, as I sense this counselling on both your parts, in your head is a route to 'mending' the relationship rather than learning from mistakes made and moving on?

hocuspocus22

How are things going for you now Stacie? all very well ih ope

Staciep88

Hello,

Im still living at home with my parents - and he is living at his parents. We still see eachother and had a fab weekend. We went to our first counselling session last wednesday and got our second tomorrow night. Just seeing how things go at the moment.

Thanks x

sandraroffey

he will tell them what they want to hear - what you want to hear!!!!

it wont change anything!! he will talk the talk and you will go back to him and in a few months its all back to square one. if you are still seeing him,you havent broken up at all.

believe me, nothing will change once he gets you back there.xx