Am I being unreasonable

musicboy

Go girl ... you are doing amazingly well and I don't wish to sound patronising but you can tell by the amount of instant responses you have had in this post that people are on your side !!!!

The 15% by the way is the standard 'cut' for maintenance, like I said he can't refuse that and even so I wouldn't give him the chance, just go straight to the CSA and let them deal with it !

Good luck,

North West Marc. x

Thefunkygibbons

I would write down an offer so he has something to read over

Tell him "Take it or leave it"

tempest42

Sit down and Plan
You need a stratagy - and now is the time to do it - you wont be in as good a position again so use what you know wisely
your 10 steps in front as you know the likely outcome
dont go 50/50 go for as much as possible - you can negotioate later and you dont know what he will go for (this may supprise you )
Stay away from the CSA for now you can use this later and you may need to ,
Like I said you need to plan, Imagine if you went to the CSA (if that was me I wouldnt come back from OZ ) then you have no chance of selling the house.

If he aint on the house you will have to sell it behind his back..........

Dont let him know you've been to a solicitor.

Plan out all the if he jumps this way I'll do this scenarios.

PLAN PLAN PLAN

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Thanks for letting us know how you got on Chrissy. Now you know where you stand financially. It doesn't sound like your solicitor recommended you lose the keys and change the locks, but pointing out the scenario to you.

Has the court case for repossession of the house which you wrote about last month in your other thread been sorted out? Could your husband decide whether the house is sold or not if the mortgage company has been awarded possession by the court?
Good luck.

Peachy_2

Hi Chrissy
Am new to this thread but read through them all just now (at work!!) - I cannot recommend highly enough getting the locks changed when he is away - if he stays you've been told he is entitled to half the house - but if you DON'T SELL - how can this be true? If he's in the place, he has what's known as squatters rights (i.e even though he's not paying anything, he has possession) - the minute he's out is a different story - so yes 'lose' your keys and change the locks - at the very least it will get him to listen to you and realise he can't treat you the way he has been...maybe.... I also know you can write to the DVLA and change the name back to your name - YES! I lent my car to my flat mate on the condition he changed the registered keeper to himself (so if he got parking tickets etc he would have to be responsible for them (I didn't want or use the car anyhow and couldn't sell it for some reason)) - He didn't do this and I ended up with parking fines and as we lived in a parking permit area - I got charged daily for them!! SO I wrote to the DVLA and just told them the truth - that I had asked him to change it to his name and he didn't - and they accepted this. Try writing to them and explain? And in the meantime you ARE entitled to sell it while he's away - !

So glad you're on here to get advice and support. What a rubbish time for you - well done for being the nice person - but well done for putting you and your daughter first now

Sarah

jazzyjustlaw

Just to point out it wont be a charge as such against the house it will be a notice i.e. to any purchases wanting to buy that someone has an interest in the property.

In my opinion, A car on HP is not anyone elses but the company that lent the money. You buy a car and get HP they are separate transactions, thus if you bought a car and it was knackered you still have to pay the HP. You cannot sell it unless its yours.

Glitterari

Just gonna say that I've been reading this thread with interest and it's been fantastic the transformation in the tone of your postings! Not got any advice to give about this sort of thing, (crap with money = why I am here! :snow_laug ) but will just say

GOOD LUCK!

Carly xxxx

hobo28

Hi Crazy C

Sounds like you got some good advice and it has reassured you a lot. Having been through this myself, please bear in mind that the "fun" is only about to begin.

I think as Tempest says, you need a plan. Get control, then YOU can decide whats fair and whats not. Everything is always fair to the person who's in control. Your ex probably thinks its perfectly fair that he gets the car and you get the debt!

If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do.

1) Ensure everything which is joint is stopped (eg. C Cards, savings, bank etc)

2) Find out what he can/can't do if you were ever heaven forbid to lose your keys and have to have the locks replaced. Ie. What can he do to say reclaim his clothes (bearing in mind half of them are yours!). What can you do if he tries to kick the door down? What actions can police take?

3) Go out, have a wild time whilst your keys are jiggling around. Upon returning home, if you've lost your keys, call a locksmith cos you don't want someone breaking in do you? If you have your own car, now would be a good time to find somewhere else to park it! Might also be useful to have a friend round at the time. You could even video the occasion for posterity!

4) File for divorce the same day.

I'd keep the CSA in reserve, something to use at a later date when he really p***es you off (which he no doubt will). But be careful, he will only have to pay you 15% minus a proportion of any nights your daughter stays with him. Ie. if she stays one night a week then its 15% - (1/7 of 15%). My ex's solicitor failed to mention this small point to her and she thought I'd pay full whack AND have the kids half the week. The look on her face was priceless when she realised I was right!

Tell him you want half the savings in his account. He's then got two choices. Either split it or spend it. If he's very spiteful he'll go out and blow the lot but at least it will screw him up more than you.

I'd also tell him that half the car is yours and that it'll be listed as a matrimonial asset. Does he need this car for work? If so then he's unlikely to sell it. In fact, you could keep hold of the log book just to make things harder. You could offer to let him keep the car if he gives you ALL the money from the savings account, after all you need it to pay your mum's loan off. You still want him to work! Otherwise how will he pay you child support?

As Tempest says, don't start by negotiating for 50%. I'd start off higher. Use the fact you earn more and therefore in your mind you contributed more. Then you have leeway to "compromise" rather than start with 50% and move backwards.

When my ex & I split, I went for the shock and awe tactic. I hit her from so many sides at once that she crumbled. One minute she was living in my house rent free, going out with her BF whilst i looked after the kids to being homeless and facing financial ruin. Fair? Well in my mind yes, everything I did was legal. From her perspective? Probably not.

mummytofour

Go girl, in a couple of weeked we will be in a new yr, new yr new start for you and your dd, get this creep out of your life. You are one strong amazing woman, you have a wonderful dd and good job and the whole world at your feet, you do not need a leech!

Vxx

vastsarah_2

just to say good luck and best wishes for every thing you are going though.
from sarah