Am I being unreasonable

HLK

elisebutt65 wrote:

If he's leaving for Australia - can't you 'forget' he's coming back so when he gets back - all locks changed and belongings in the garage until he can pick them up??

If he has no proof of paying any bills - as he hasn't - then he shouldn't be entitled to anything- also the fact that you have banks statements showing your outgoings with his accounts showing savings is pretty much proof positive that he saves his money while 'making' you pay for everything!

I'm afraid the law is quite clear on this. If you are married then it's 50/50 unless you can convice a judge to award you more - your daughter is under 16 - and if you can stay in the house and buy him out for what his share is, minus his half of the debts and your share of the savings ? This would at least save on the costs of buying and selling which can add up to thousands.
e.g.

Equity 20k + 3K savings minus
debt 10k+4 car loan

total 9K equity * 50% = 4500 or less if judge goes for lower %age
then sell the car (he won't be able to afford to run it) and pay off as much of the loan as possible. He may try and sell the car anyway if he can't drive it, and then I guess he would just keep the cash.

Oh and , give him some information on the CSA.

I would never try and persuade someone to go for divorce but if you are determined it's over - it is a cleaner way to get a final settlement.
He even has a clain over half your pension.. Blame Brussels for that one.

Your solictor should help you on this... . Ex may be entitled to some legal aid if he doesn't earn enough to pay a solicitor, but make sure your's argues to split the costs of the divorce equally - legal aid will claw back from anything he gets, used be over 3K but not sure now!..

In all dealings remain reasonable this will pay off in the end.
Once you are free, get him to contribute to your daughter.. you sound tough CC , but you will get there. That's certain.

If it's any consolation, he'll have NOTHING when this is over , the money will be gone on his solictor ( the more unreasonable he becomes the costlier the divorce) but more than that he will have lost you and probably his daughter.

Hey, he'll always have those memories of his trip to OZ! :rotfl: and the :footie: !!!!

southernscouser

Sorry, I haven't read any most of the replys on this thread so I may be repeating someone else.

Firstly, you said about paying for his car! In what name does the car belong? And I assume the debt for the car is just in your name!

Also, and this idea would need more expert advice, but how about securing some of the debt on your mortgage, ie £20,000 if you have that much. This way when you come to sell you will still have nothing and all the debts will be paid off and your ex has nothing aswell!

micheleen

Nothing more to add at this stage, but good luck with the solicitor on Friday.

ps If you are worried about a violent reaction to anything then the police can be called (and pilloried if they don't respond)

dinkylou

I know I keep coming back to this but you need to do something about the car.

As the finance is your mums and he is the registered keeper then it really should nt come into what will be split 50/50 as the car has nothing to do with you.

The car belongs to your mum and therefore as things are going sour, she/you need to get it back and either sell it or put it somewhere he wont find it.

Im sure that as hes the registered keeper that he could get away with selling it and he may well try this.

Im sure the solicitor will tell you the legal side of this but dont let him just have it as its not something he should be entitled to take.

In effect, your mum is 'loaning' it to him and if he wont give it back, then she/you need to take it back.

You are doing really well though and have all the people here to back you up and give you support. Stay strong.

x

Crazy_C

Wow thanks for the support, you are all amazing.!! :beer:

Just a little update, I spoke to my mum last night regarding the loan, it is with Lombard and not secured on the car she is going to ring up the CAB today and get some advice about where she stands and legally what options she has, by the way my mum is like really really :mad: with the way he has treated me. This is the women who sued Manchester United and won, she will not let go of his Baxxs now she has got hold of them.

oH and he went SICK last night when he found out that I had turned Sky Sports off, :snow_laug

So 10.00am tomorrow I should have more answers, and I might be able to totally ruin his trip to OZ, change the locks, put his stuff in the Garage, sell his car. That should be a nice welcome back gift when he returns.

The list of questions I have for the solicitor is big and getting bigger by the second.

So I will post tomorrow with an update from the solicitor.

And thanks again everyone, its like having an army behind you, I dont feel so alone. :santa2:

rchddap1

Poor guy....hehehe. Perhaps he'll start to pick up on the fact that you are serious now. Good luck for tomorrow, and don't forget to let us know what is going on. I'm sure the solicitor will give you some fantastic advice and ammunition to throw at him.

The MSE Army is certainly a fine force once it gets going. No matter what he tries to throw at you just remember that you are the one in control

RAMBLER

All's fair in love and war - here we have a combination of both. What makes it worse is there are children involved.
1. Be honest - He might not be, but you have to look yourself in the mirror each day. 50% is not unreasonable especially if you have proof.
2. Keep relations as civil as possible - By putting decisions through the lawyers - hopefully you can keep your relationship as normal as possible for the child

Good luck

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Hi Chrissy, really glad to hear you mum's now ready to do battle she sounds terrific. I've been checking the DVLA site re vehicle owner or registered keeper. My reading is that whoever's name is on the vehicle document/logbook is the owner but have to say that info would be worth checking by a petrol head which I'm not.
Re who contributed what and why to household expenses. Age Concern recommend that a single pensioner should spend around £30 a week on food (sorry can't find the exact figure but it's thirty something). That means if OH was contributing £25 weekly to the household it wouldn't even cover his food - in other words you and your daughter have been subsidising him.
MSE' ers are a great bunch with loads of info and lots of advice, some useful some not so useful, and always ready to get stuck in and help out.
Good luck with the solicitor tomorrow and remember you are the client and they are there to serve you so don't be overawed.

tempest42

Best of luck for tommorow, went down this route 6 years ago myself, the solicitor should put your mind at rest over a lot of things, reading the posts things arnt as bad as they seem but one thing I would go for as soon as possible is a CLEAN BREAK, Best of luck.

skintchick

I just want to say good luck.

I wondered if, because he pays nothing and the house isn't in his name, if you might not be able to demand rent or chuck him out? Ask your solicitor, but it seems odd that he pays no mortgage or bills and yet would have a right to be there. I can't see why he would now the marriage has broken down.

He sounds like a right !!!!!! - good luck