Am I being unreasonable

Crazy_C

I posted a while ago regarding my debt situation and impending repossesion of my home,

The story is long but I will try and keep it short. I am currently going through a serperation from my husband of 15 yrs, the mortgage is in my name, we have debt which is all in my name, and I have mortgage arrears which are under control for the moment.

I have finally decided to sell the house if we get just below asking price we stand to make about 10k each, this 10k will clear my outstanding debt except a loan which is in my mums name and I pay each month, My OH has no intentioins of supporting me or my daughters when we split he earns only 216 per week (net) and will need to rent a place etc.

I am seeking free advice from a solicitor this week but I wondered if anyone knew where I stand with the debt, why should I settle all our debt out of my half of the 10k from the house and still pay a loan for his car for the next 5 yrs and get nothing from my OH.

Am I being selfish, I dont want it to go to divorce and we are trying to be as civil as possible but its starting to get very bitter and I think we should just split 50/50 profit/debt
. :eek:

johannamse

Can you confirm...even though the debt (aside from mortgage) is in your name, it is joint debt? ie: it was all run up during the relationship, and neither of you entered it with any?

black-saturn

When you split with your husband you will be oblidged by law to give over the details of him to the Child Support Agency. If you dont you will be breaking the law. Then he will have to pay up some money to support them. My kids father only earns what yours earns and he pays £35 per week towards them.

Xbigman

If the mortgage is in your name plus all the debts too I thought a divorce court would take all that into account and split the net assetts equally, not just the house, especially if the debts were run up jointly as part of the marriage.
Given his stated intention not to give you any support and apparent intention to stick all the debts on you, get a solicitor and put the boot in for all you are worth. I know you are trying to be civil but being civil seems to translate to him getting everything in your case. Don't be a fool, get a solicitor and forget being civil.
Regards



X

Crazy_C

:xmastree: I have an appointment on Friday with a solicitor, I didnt want to go down the divorce route just yet, I wanted to go for seperation for 2 years then Divorce as it may be cheaper in the long run.

The debt is joint debt as in we "both spent it", but the debt is only in my name. I think the civil is going out the window. I have a list for the solicitor and hopefully should get some answers on Friday.

Thanks for your comments

X

musicboy

Hi there,

Black-Sat - I don't think it's strictly true that it's law you have to give the details to the CSA, you can approach them to make it all 'above board and out of your hands' so it reduces the stress for Crazy C ...

My ex decided to go through the CSA, even though I had paid her the correct amount of maintenance for 6 months and also both shares of all our debts (and the mortgage) for 6 months before that while she moved out with our son to continue her affair. Then the settlement for our remaining debts was that I ended up with 18k and she ended up with 6k because I earned more and I thought I was doing 'the right thing'. However, even though I had been with her for 5 years, she certainly looked after 'number one' and I suggest you do exactly the same to some extent.

What I would say about the CSA is that, in my experience of being the cheated on person (ie not my fault), they seemed to take the lies of the other person (in my case the one with the child) as gospel even though I could prove this was not the case - ie proving maintenance payments, overnight stays etc etc .. but in the end my monthly payment has gone down because I am claiming every reduction I can (overnight stays, travelling (I live 110 miles away), debts etc) so she has lost out anyway. Don't get me wrong - I support my son and I want to see him as much as possible but I don't agree in paying money to her so she can buy herself a new car ... that's wrong !

One of my best friends is in the other 'boat' as it were - his partner has 2 kids and she has a lot of debt brought on by her ex's gambling. He doesn't pay maintenance, he only has the kids when he says (ie to avoid spoiling his nights out with the lads) but he constantly turns up in designer clothes and claims he has no money. My friend has been totally fair in his approach, that basically they don't need the maintenance money at the moment because it isn't desperately needed, and that his partner's ex needs to get a roof over his head etc for the kids sake. So they aren't going through the CSA. That said, the minute he buys a new car, or his new girlfriend moves in, or whatever, they will start to claim - ie when he can afford it.

What I am saying in a nutshell is -

* Don't assume your ex will play as nicely as you would expect.

* Keep all credit card bills etc so you can clearly show what has been spent on what. My ex spent £4k in one month and even tried to deny we bought her wedding dress on my credit card (£1k) so HAVE THE PROOF.

* Keep a diary. Do it now and update it all the time. Even if it's just a word document which you update with dates on it, you will forget things and you have got to make sure you are COMPLETELY ORGANISED.

* Your goal has got to be getting yourself and your kids settled. Do not be greedy as you will be accused of being vindictive. Stick to your guns and do not argue the point with endless phone calls and screaming matches, it won't do any good. Tell your ex that all you want to do is the best for the kids, and leave it at that. Do not accept anything less that a 50/50 split of the lot, especially if you can prove that he has spent a lot more than you have. Why are you paying his car loan by the way ? If you haven't got the car, don't pay it ! I carried on paying my ex's car insurance because it was in my name for my sons sake, so that she didn't get caught with no insurance, but after 3 months she hadn't bothered to sort out her own policy so I gave her a months notice and cancelled it anyway.

* The CSA don't back-date maintenance payments. So if you are struggling and he is living the lifestyle, go to the CSA as soon as possible. Or at least tell him you need him to meet certain expenses involving the kids which will be less than his maintenance would be, and if he isn't willing to compromise, go to the CSA. Remember what I said above.

* If you live in Preston let me know and we can meet up for a 'brew' and compare situations !

Good luck, hope that helps a bit.

:santa2:

Crazy_C

Thanks Musicboy, thats a real help. :xmassmile

I am paying the loan because it is in my mums name, she got us the loan a year ago so OH could get a car. Im taking your advice and getting my diary started now, there is so much to remember.
I know I need to go to a solicitor, he is getting a bit nasty now, saying he wants half my claim money and half my bonus. The house is up for sale and he has been there for 6 weeks and not paid one penny towards anything, I am paying 85% of my wages out to keep the house running, mortgage, bills, debts etc etc and the best part is, he is going to australia for 3 weeks over christmas (thank god) on a flight that has cost £1200 out of our savings which I dont have access to.

Thanks for your advice, I will see what the solictior says on Friday.

I live in Bolton by the way. :rudolf:

dinkylou

Sorry to hear of your situation Crazy C, it must be hard enough separating without all this to worry about.

Have you tried saying to him that in order to be civil, all debts and mortgage must e split equally? If he says no then it is not you who is not being civil, and you should look after yourself.

Otherwise, is the car on finance? Is there no way that you can cancel the finance and give the car back? Or maybe you could transfer it into his name with his permission? Its in his interests to be civil? Or could you sell the car and use that to pay off the loan, as legally its in your name and so belongs to you.

But otherwise, dont be overly civil or he is taking advantage of you and actually profiting out of the situation by gaining £10k and a free car!

dinkylou

Just seen your reply!

Thats disgusting! He is taking the p***.

If I were you I would kick him out of your house and (and this is really devious) sell the car - which belongs to your mum after all, whilst he is away.

Do you know who is the registered keeper of the car? Did you put it in his name?

Why dont you have access to that savings account? Is it in his name? I would make sure that any accounts you have dual access to, stop putting money in (take it out if you can) and set up a separate one of your own as this looks like he is going to get very nasty and will try dirty tricks.

I'd be going mad by now if I were you.

rchddap1

He is taking things way too far. Cut yourself off from him as much as you possibly can and contact a solicitor. If he has access to any of your bank accounts close the accounts or take the money out.

A solicitor will soon cut him down to size. What a nice gift for him when he comes back from his holiday on some of your money.

Crazy_C

Hi Dinkylou, :santa2:

I have tried saying that we split everything 50/50 equity in the house then settle debt outstanding but he has refused this and is saying that none of the debt is in his name so why should he pay it.

I am trying to stay away from divorce yet as I want to sell the house first because if I file for divorce now no proceeds are given until the divorce is finalised and I need to find somewhere to live for me and my daughter, and settle the debt.

I cant do anything with the car I dont think, its registered in his name and if he is refusing to pay the loan once we split, I dont think there is any chance he will give me the car or let me transfer the finance.

He is happy for me to continue paying it because he knows its in my mums name and that if its not paid it will be her who suffers.

He is becoming very bitter and twisted because, he cant get a mortgage or credit because he is black listed and earns a lower wage and will struggle to get accomodation etc, but that isnt my problem anymore. I have to consider my daughter in all this and make sure that she is well provided for with a roof over her head and food on the table.

So I think its "heads I lose, Tails I lose", but I will see what happens on Friday.

Thanks :beer: