Am I being unreasonable

hmm_3

Crazy

I think your husband is taking the p**s.
- There's a loan in your mum's name but the car ( presumerably ? ) is in hubbie's name.
- The debt was run up by both of you but on paper ie credit card/loan documentation it's a in your name.
- the 'joint' savings isn't joint because you have no access to it.
- He's already told you he won't pay child support or maintenance.
- HE lives in the house but you pay the bills.

Tbh he sounds like a total user !!! You need that legal advice asap. Maybe get your hands on any cash ( from accounts ) you can, get hold of the car, change the locks on the house etc. Just out of interest, how do you know your husbands going to let the house be sold ie when viewers come round, will he let them in, will it be tidy etc. I mean he's got a cushy number at the minute. He is and ( from the sound of it ) continue to take you for a ride.

Best of Luck

rchddap1

I understand that you don't want to divorce just yet, but I've a small feeling that it would be better if you do. However, I'm sure the solicitor could confirm things in detail.

If all you go for is a separation then he has you 'hook line and sinker', as legally you are still a couple & still married....he can do what he likes.

Divorce, and all the assets and debts should be split equally. Perhaps a strongly worded letter threatening divorce from a solicitor would help, but you must be prepared to go through with it. He sounds nasty and would probably use any excuse to run off with anything he can get.

You both ran up the debts together and so he should pay for his half. The only way you can do this without his agreement, is through a divorce. A divorce will also put this relationship behind both you and your daughter. Simply seperate and there could be more problems to come.

Once the house issue is sorted, I'd make sure that the CSA are put onto him as well. It is only right that he contributes to the upkeep of his child. It doesn't matter what his circumstances are....its a simple case of its the right things to do. Any decent bloke, would give something....even if they were on the breadline.

Good luck, and keep strong. Remember that it all does get better once it is all out of the way.

hobo28

Hi CrazyC

As the others have said, you need to get tougher. It sounds like nice and amicable is only working one way. He wants half your bonus etc. yet seems uninterested in having half the debts.

Why can you not get your hands on the savings? It sounds like he's taking the !!!!!! and can spend it all then leave you with nothing.

Make sure you cancel anything joint now like credit cards or savings accounts. Get a solicitor ASAP.

Your situation sounds totally like my ex-childminder who after 20 years of marriage and child minding for 15 years, suddenly her husband decided her job was intolerable. He conveniently split up with her a month before his dad died who was leaving him with enough money to buy a £500k house yet he wanted to split HIS credit card debts with her and forced her to sell their family home even tho she has 3 kids and had offered to buy him out of the mortgage on the house.

CSA only require you to register with them if you are claiming income support. Otherwise its voluntary. If I were you, I'd use it as a bargaining chip. The hassle alone from those morons should make him think twice. Just don't expect any money from them!

As for the car, not sure where you stand on that. If your mum took out a personal loan, it won't be secured against the car. Therefore the debt is with her. I assume the car is registered in your husband's name? If not, I'd sell it and pay off half your debts. My ex did a similar thing. When she left, she took the car yet I paid for it. Had to write it off in the end as one of those things.

Crazy_C

Hi All, :xmassign:

Thanks for your comments and words of support. In answer to some of the questions.

1) He is the registered keeper of the car, the finance is in my mums name so I will have to pay 212 per month for the next 4 years, I cant touch the car otherwise I can be done for theft.

2) I cant kick him out I can only get him out of the house if he is violent, which he wouldnt be because he likes to play mind games rather than physical.

3) Im going to ask on Friday if I can get the locks changed whilst he is in AUS.

4) Please dont call me stupid on this one, because I have called it myself so many times. I am the main earner in the house, I have my own seperate account, which I pay, Mortgage, Utility, poll tax, sky (which by the way I have just cancelled in time for the united match tonight, he wont be happy about that), car insurance, loans, credit card payments, basically everyhing. My other half has his own account, he buys food which is maximum £25 per week and pays 7.00 per week dinner money, the rest of his money was used for if we went out (not very often) and savings, at the last count 3 months ago we had about £3200 saved up in HIS ACCOUNT, but its half my money because Ive been paying everything.

We have been in our current house nearly 4 years and he would not have one bank statement that proved he made any contributions to the upkeep of the house.

5) As far as viewings for the house, I have had 2 so far and made sure that he has not been there at any of them, because he is not on the mortgage I did not need permissioin from him to sell, but he did say last night that he was going to get a charge put on the house with the land registry so that I can not sell it without his permission.

So the plot thickens, its funny you always think you know someone but where money is involved its a totally different ball game.

Live and learn EH :mad: :mad: :mad:

dinkylou

Crazy C,

As the others have said, its already too late to be civil.

Start doing things now.

Take money out of all joint accounts. - dont wait on this.

If the car is on finance rather than a loan, speak to them and explain the sitaution. If not then when he leaves for the hol you are paying for, take the keys - dont ask, and sell it.

Have all the locks on the house changed before he gets back, as hmm said, he could make things nasty whilst you are trying to sell the house. Get him out now.

Whilst he is away, take anything you can of value in the house of his and sell it.
If he is going to play nasty with you and not give you the money he owes, take it yourself - after all, it works both ways.

I know this may sound quite drastic right now, but he is walking all over you and no one should treat you this way.

You need to take back control.

hmm_3

CrazyC

This is the edited version - he WILL take you for every penny he can get. He is obviously a good manipulator. Talk to a solicitor ASAP. Start your strategy for protecting yourself & daughter.

:santa2:

rchddap1

I don't know where you'd stand as regards countil tax, utility and (I assume) his car insurance. However, I'd be tempted to give him notice that you will stop paying his car insurance. Also, I don't know if the house owner is liable for council tax and utility bills if they aren't living there. Perhaps a phone call to your local council to confirm.....and then perhaps stop paying those bills as well.

it might give you a bit more bargaining power to use....and a bit more cash to get you sorted.

Edit: This holiday could be a blessing in disguise. Change the locks when he's away...if he breaks in he will be in real trouble, as he isn't the legal owner of the property, nor is he paying rent to stay there.

dinkylou

Just beat me there Crazy C,

OK, so at least he has nt paid towards the mortgage, this may go in your favour with the courts? Maybe it wont be split 50/50 - not sure.

You can still change the locks and sell anything of his - except the car.

Dont think he can put a charge on the house for no reason - thats usually for debt purposes but not 100% so am sure solicitor will tell you.

Dont let him play mind games, he thinks he s in control.

Oh and you' re not stupid, you loved and trusted the man.

micheleen

Surely if the car finance is in your mum's name then she is the legal owner of it. Legal Owner and Registered Keeper aren't the same thing at all so she would be perfectly entitled to take possession of it.

elisebutt65

Did you say that you're paying HIS car insurance - for the car you bought and now can't get??
Cancel it and let him know!!! He can't use it then.

Also It's good that he has no proof of paying towards mortgatge - he has no right to be there then - Get copies of his savings accounts for the solicitor.

You need to really toughen up and fast - really put your foot down now and stick it to him as he is going to try and do it first!!