Am I being unreasonable

loubie_lou

Won't he get violent if you change the locks while he is away?? This is one of the things i'd consider.

Could you not go and stay with your mom for a while? I wouldn't really want my daughter to be in such a hostile atmosphere. Apart from that what i think your putting up with must be making you a really strong person and reading what you and others go through I think i'll stay single for ever!

Good luck on Friday and keep us up to date so more advice can be posted if you needed it.

LL

Crazy_C

Im in work my PC at home doesnt work so no one can access it only me anyway, but yes I understand where you are coming from.

Oh rchddap1 i tried that one and explained that at the moment I am paying 85% of my wages out keeping the house going, and its only fair that he should pay 85% of his wages towards the bills etc, but that one "fell on deaf ears". The response was " well I earn far more than he does and Ive still got money to go out so why should he pay anything apart from the £25 max on food each week, which is all he has ever done.

Dinkylou,

I know that the loan is with Lombard and its not actually secured on the car, so its maybe an option what you suggested. Ill have a chat with my mum tonight.!! Im just a bit scared about selling it because I really dont know how he will react, but I can cross that bridge when I come to it.!

rchddap1

I earn more than my OH....and he contributes quite a bit to our household. He actually feels uncomfortable about it at times because he thinks that he should be supporting me, and not the other way around. So there are good blokes out there.

Sounds like he expects things to continue as normal forever. Don't worry, with what you are doing he'll soon get the message.

skipton

I don't think it's a good idea to move out just in case he decides to change the locks/live rent free/not sell etc. If you 're paying the mortgage stay put. The last thing you want is hassle over the house sale as well.
Like you I played fair and was ready to let my soon to be ex. move back( from abroad) while I went to my mums. A wake-up call from friends and stern words from a solicitor soon sorted me out. He did not like it....but I was glad I hadn't moved when it came to selling the house to him!!! I only wish I'd sewn prawns into the curtains I'd left!!!!

If you have paid the mortgage and most bills I'm not sure you have to split 50/50. Ask your solicitor. You could also try the Citizens advice for help.

Good luck

Dora_the_Explorer_5

C - you write you're a bit scared about how he will react if the car is sold. It might help if you asked yourself if you were afraid of him, it's hard to be honest with youself about this sort of thing but have a go. If you feel the slightest bit frightened then tell your solicitor, it's really important. Women put up with all kinds of behaviour from men and very often don't see it as wrong but it can be. Try and jump forward twenty years and think what you would be saying to your daughter if she found herself in the position that you're in, that might help you to understand how he should behave and contrast it with how he is behaving. If he's legally banned from the house and turns up and is the slightest bit abusive - ring the police immediately!
If he's acted as a father towards your daughter then it's a poor show if he wants to abandon her at Christmas so he can go off on his holiday and that would be worth pointing out to the solicitor.
Staying in the house until it's repossessed I think would mean you will be rehoused by the council if your daughter is under 16 so that's worth thinking about.
Don't forget to backup your stuff on the firm's pc onto a cd - you never know!
If the car is in your mum's name why not ask her to decide what should happen about it? Then it's her decision and not yours and you can accept no blame or responsibility for what she decides to do.
Take care - Dora

Crazy_C

Thanks Dora,

Your right I am scared, I have a list as long as my arm for the Solicitor. I agree totally with your comments about him being a rubbish father leaving his daughter over christmas and new year and leaving me to pick up the pieces, "but nothing new there anyway". Getting the house repossessed is not an option, I need to be able to buy something after mine has sold, If he starts being really unreasonable then I would walk out and leave the house, there is no way on this earth he could afford to stay there and pay everything, "But as I say that is the very very last final option". And then Im putting on the line everything that I have worked for as well "and why should I"

Im sure I will have more firm answers after my appointment on Friday.

I shall keep everyone posted.

Thanks for your words of support and advice, I feel so much stronger. :j

HLK

Crazy C .. this all sounds so familiar to me, from way back. I will post more later as must dash but a couple of points from personal experience -

1.he owns half the debts as well as half the equity/savings.
2.try to stay in the house and get him out
3.try to hold onto all paperwork - bills receipts anything even if they are his
4. don't subsidise him in any way - even down to food, stop his mobile bill if you are paying it, empty any accounts.. etc you get the gist you are EMPOWERED

finally, this will cost you, but it will be worth EVERY PENNY and some!! and you will feel better and life will wonderful again.

lallyaya

Best of luck with your solicitor on Friday, and def don't worry about inconveniencing him - your daughter is the priority and he can stick it!

Your solicitor will provide the best advice but def don't move out and leave him in the house no matter how bad he gets - it can be very difficult to get him out even though you own and are paying for it.

My circumstances were different but when I left an ex - who was always so sweet and nice he turned psycho and I now how hard it is.

I'm a Bolton Lass too so if you ever need a chat or to let off steam then get in touch! We'll all be thinking of you.

Lally
-X-

elisebutt65

If he's leaving for Australia - can't you 'forget' he's coming back so when he gets back - all locks changed and belongings in the garage until he can pick them up??

If he has no proof of paying any bills - as he hasn't - then he shouldn't be entitled to anything- also the fact that you have banks statements showing your outgoings with his accounts showing savings is pretty much proof positive that he saves his money while 'making' you pay for everything!

TAZ

no expert so bear that in mind please. i just wanted to say a few things,

firstly, mind games etc can be classed as domestic abuse, well worth telling the solicitor.

secondly, i am sure that at some point recently i have read that during devorce the contributions to running the home are considered when spliting the assets and the fact that your hubby has paid no bills except for £25 food in all the time you lived there then i think thatyou should be entitled to more than him, ie if you added up the amount you paid in bills mortgage etc. then did the same for what he paid added it together and looked at the percentage he paid, i bet it would look something like 90%/10% i am sure this is how courts look at it,

thirdly, you say hes going away, could you get a letter to him less than 24 hours (recorded delivery) before he goes giving him 7 days to leave the house, (notice to quit) after which the locks will be changed and his stuff removed, therefore leaving him no time to counter act on it but then he cannot say that he has not had notice, if you have the mortgage in your name etc then he is only really a lodger albeit one your married too.

was the car paid for in full by the loan and youre paying the loan, if so then the loan could be seen as totally diferant but that does not stop you mother persueing him for money she lent him ie the loan, to purchace a car. if the car, insurance etc is in his name then surely he is responsible for that debt.

keep strong and I'm glad to see you have taken the blinkers off.