Trying for a baby (12+ M/not straightforward)

skintbutsmiling01

jiblets1 wrote: »

Skintbutsmiling, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. Big hugs. This ttc thing can be so very hard at times. Have faith that this is a low point, and you will be feeling more positive soon.

Thanks everyone- it just gets me sometimes. I'm fine today, OH has 40 tablets left so hopefully we will know before xmas if they have worked and what the next step will be.

skintbutsmiling01

Thats a lovely post lilo and puts things into perspective.
Yesterday I saw a group of young ( well, early 20s) girls and uys sitting on a wall outside a local shop, drinking c ans of lager and smoking, tehy had 2 pushchairs with them and it made my blood boil!! It was about 530pm and really windy and I was thinking they should have been at home making their children a lovely meal for their tea not sitting in the cold getting [EMAIL="p@ssed"]p*ssed[/EMAIL] up.
SO UNFAIR that poeple like that seem to have babies left right and centre !!

FairyElephant_2

Hi All, & Welcome to those new to this thread.

Not been around for a while as I've been off with a bad cold and generally feeling 'under the weather'. That's what we call it in our house - I know that it's really the 'Big D' but we don't use the word...

Lilo - hope all is still progressing well, and best of luck!

Skinty - know just how you feel Hun!

JS - wish I'd read your thread yesterday..... last night was a bad one and DH & I had a bust-up - I would say a row but he doesn't really 'row', he goes off and gets all quiet - I wish he'd just shout and be done with it, but that is more my way than his. I ended up crying for hours and now my cold symptoms have come back and I feel worse than ever.

I know that he loves me, but he just doesn't (can't?) really understand how it is for me. Sorry Dantiatto & Meltrix - I'm not having a go at men in general - honest! I think it's something to do with him already having children from his previous marriage. He seems to be able to contemplate a future where we don't succeed, wheras I just cannot face that anymore - it's get worse the longer it goes on - probably because it seems more real. When we first started TTC I had no real belief in a possiblity that we wouldn't succeed, so it was easier to think that it wouldn't matter so much - does that make any sense? Maybe it's also in part because I am a 'planner' wheras DH takes life pretty much as it comes, day-by-day, and doesn't really think about how he
will deal with situations before they happen.

I feel stretched so tightly at the moment that the slightest thing can make me snap - yesterday it was the realisation that DH's stupid GP surgery (I have been trying to get him to change to the same one as me, but it's another thing he just doesn't get around to...) has done the wrong blood-tests! We've been waiting for his syphalis test results (a new requirement since our Fertility Clinic merged with the NHS one) and been told we can't proceed with next ICSI until they are back. After much nagging by me, DH finally called and got GP's to send us a copy of the results, as they didn't seem able to get the results direct to the FC - and they've only gone & done MY blood tests on HIM! I mean - how the heck they can get that confused I don't know! So we have his FBC etc, (FSH???!!!???) etc, but the one that they missed? - the Syph one of course - THE ONLY ONE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE - UNBELIEVABLE! They had a copy of the consultant's letter - how the heck could they have thought that he was a MRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His response? - well he was annoyed of course - but his suggestion to recify it 'maybe you can give them a call and sort it out in the morning'.......How many more times do I have to tell him that they are not MY GP's and won't discuss his personal stuff with me? And what did he expect me to do - go give them my blood? Provisional start date for treatment this cycle is 7th Nov (CD 19), but we can't do it unless his results are back at least a few days before this. This will be the 3rd postponed cycle this year for various reasons, and if we miss it then we can't go again until the New Year.....and he wondered why I was upset and shouting????????

Thing is - I hate myself for it - but I seem to get nastier & nastier in my ranting these days. Last night I accused him of not really wanting a baby with me, and told him he can make his own arrangements to see his kids on his own in future - just let me know when so I can go away and not have to spend time with them. I don't really mean it....well not totally....I get on fine with his kids, but the longer this goes on, seeing him with them is becoming like rubbing salt into an open wound - showing me what I don't, and sometimes it seems may never, have.

Sorry it's such a long & moany post - I just don't have anyone else to let off steam to who may understand a bit where I am. Luckily colleagues put my red eyes and white face down to the lingering cold symptoms, but I feel like I could just burst into tears again at any moment.

Hope you are all having a better day than me.

FE

jiblets1

Oh FE, it sounds like you're really having a hard time of it. I completely understand you feeling so upset, you have such a list of frustrations that have been happening!

With regards to your OH, part of what he's there for is to take the flack when you're feeling down - you can hardly take it out on someone else!
But do make the effort when you're feeling ok to thank him for his patience, and tell him that you realise this is difficult for him too. (For me I think of it as trying to even out the nice/crazy balance!).

I might write a polite complaining letter to the GP. Print it out and have your OH read and sign it, then it's officially come from him, even though you haven't had to wait for him to get moving for it to be achieved. It might just make you feel a bit more in control. Hopefully they'll also learn not to be so complacent with your case in the future.

All the best. I'm sure you'll feel a bit stronger once the cold has passed.

*Big Hugs*

liloandstitch

The biggest hugs in the world, Fairy elephant. My heart goes out to you.

Lilo

nottslass_2

Lilo - hope everything is still going to plan,still got everything crossed for you.


FE - wish I could say something useful to make you feel better,but a virtual hug is making its way to you right now !!

FairyElephant_2

Thanks everyone for your support! It really means a lot to have you there. So few people know what we are going through, which is how we decided to play it (although we had to tell a few last Xmas when we had the Ectopic, as I was in & out of hospital and some plans had to be cancelled). Sometimes I rgret that and wish we'd just told everyone, but I know that it is better for us not to have everyone speculating all the time, even if they weren't asking.....

Today is a lot better - DH has gone to get his bloods done again (he sorted it out himself!), and said he got them to mark it as Urgent, and he actually watched them write instructions for the results to go direct to the FC. They say it should take about a week.

We were both really nice to each other last night - feels a bit like we are tip-toeing around each other (I think he is scared to say anything in case he sets me off again - LOL!).

I had a chat with the Nurse who deals with my IVF, and she was really good and understanding. We are going ahead, and just hope the blood result is OK (no reason why it shouldn't be - just their new bureaucratic rules). She has ordered the drugs today...yikes! (another £403 - ouch!).
Last time I had to pay for the whole treatment cycle up front, but I haven't had a bill for this one yet....I didn't mention it to her though!

Last time I remember being very nervous & excited, but this time I am quite calm about it now we know we are going ahead. Maybe because I know what to expect - or perhaps I'm just so tired & worn out that I don't have the energy to get excited!!!!!!!

Lilo - hope everything still progressing nicely - and yes I think you are mad to have the Hallowe'en party with all those kids just after your GA!!! It's just the sort of crazy thing I would plan too!!! (but then I would be asleep through it if it was me - I always sleep like the dead for ages after GA)...
My best mate thinks I am crazy having a Hallowe'en one for about 8 kids & 10 adults on 31st, and then a Bonfire Night one on 5th Nov for hordes of people...but I am using these to keep me busy and stop me dwelling on the treatment.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! AF has finally finished her visit, so I'm hoping to get the chance to 'make-up' with DH (IYSWIM - nudge, nudge, wink wink.....) but we've got a house-full so it'll be challenging!

Big hugs,

FE

Nicki

I'm on 2 ww atm. Had a smiley face on the ov kit on Sunday and today I had some weird pains like a stitch on my left side for a few moments. Could this be implantation, or is it too early do you think? I know I ov'd from the left side this month as that's what the scan showed when I went for my appt at the clinic last week.

shelly

Nicki wrote: »

I'm on 2 ww atm. Had a smiley face on the ov kit on Sunday and today I had some weird pains like a stitch on my left side for a few moments. Could this be implantation, or is it too early do you think? I know I ov'd from the left side this month as that's what the scan showed when I went for my appt at the clinic last week.

I am using the clearblue fertility monitor and when I get a peak it means I will ov 24-36 hours later. Does your ov kit say anything about when you should ov after getting your smiley face?
I think you might be a little early for implantation as that occurs (apparently) around 6-12 days after conception.
Also I have asked my GP about signs of implantation and was told that its very unusual to get pain at implantation. Spotting is common but not pain. (I had nothing with my 2 BFP's so I thought I'd ask)

I quickly googled "implantation pain" and couldn't find anything from a professional....eg GP.
All the sites with info that say that implantation pain is possible are from forums like this one by women who are TTC...personally I think they will believe every little ache and pain has got to be ov or implantation or something to do with getting a BFP :rotfl:

Sorry that last bit sounded a bit awful but I'm not a symptom spotter so don't believe much of it.
I get so many aches and pains throughout the month that if I believed them all to be pg releated I'd go stark raving mad!

Nicki

shelly wrote: »

I am using the clearblue fertility monitor and when I get a peak it means I will ov 24-36 hours later. Does your ov kit say anything about when you should ov after getting your smiley face?

I think its 12-36 hours. That's on the basis that the length of time depends to an extent on the time of day you test IYSWIM. In other words if you had a surge you would get a smiley whether you posted at 9am or 9pm on the same day, but you'd still ov at the same time whichever.