Trying for a baby (12+ M/not straightforward)

sarahs999 · 7 July 2009 at 5:10PM

Agutka, you sound a really nice, caring person, but the thing is, you have to let your SIL take the lead. Of course she will be riddled with terror about this whole thing, but once you're pregnant you have to go into coping mode. YOu have to get on with your life and what you don't want is people treating you with kid gloves (that's my experience anyway) and what you really don't want is people giving you sympathy when nothing has gone wrong - ie acting like you might well have another miscarriage etc. Like you say, just be candid, upbeat and POSITIVE about her pregnancy. Let her know you're supportive but in just hte way you would with a friend who hasn't been through all the trauma. She will really appreciate it. Be excited for her. I'm sure she has done plenty of grieving for the ectopic, but privately. Some things are just too deep.

Agutka · 7 July 2009 at 5:21PM

Thank you Sarah, positive I can be. Excited I am. I just didn't want to get it wrong, as she's so good at seeming carefree.

FairyElephant_2 · 7 July 2009 at 6:50PM

Brill news Toniq - I am so pleased for you - that has really cheered me up (and I needed it - but more of that later!).

Agutka- I go with what Sarah said - and you sound a lovely person to be so caring and asking what you should do. Hope that everything goes well for your SIL.

Thanks beebuzz!

Well now AFM - Off-Topic but I need a rant! I am steaming mad! Just got a letter from work when I came home today, to 'invite' me to a mtg on Thursday. It was dated 3rd July, and is from HR. My boss's boss and the HR rep are coming to meet me apparantly - now given what has been going on in our company I am fairly sure it is redundancy time (have posted more details for some advice on the redundancy board). What I'm most mad about is that I DO NOT WORK ON THURSDAYS - surely HR should know that FGS! When I dropped to a 4-day week we agreed that we would be flexible and 'by prior arrangement' I could change my day off to suit either me or the company if necessary (thought that would be useful for appts!) - but I really don't think they have given me enough notice to be flexible!
I'm actually considering disputing that they think I should be redundant anyway, as far as I can see my job will still exist, and we are one of parts of the company which still making money! So I'll be interested to hear what they have to say, but I am considering making a fuss about the short-notice that they expect me to change my plans to suit them! It's far too late to change to tomorrow off instead, and I have stuff happening on Friday so that isn't convenient either. I am sooo tired at the moment that I need a day off to rest, but of course I haven't told them I'm pregnant yet, as I wanted to wait until after the scan.

I really don't need this to happen now! If this PG is successful I need to be able to work until mat. leave starts, and if not, even if I get another job, how will I manage time to carry on TTC, and then I'll have to worry about being there long enough for mat. leave...

AAARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angelavdavis · 7 July 2009 at 7:29PM

MadMac wrote: »

Angelavdavis - have you tried the accupunture route before? I've read about it before, so would be prepared to give anything a go! Apparently our new neighbour is a reflexologist - might also be useful... will have to read up!

Hi MadMac.

Yes I did try accupuncture before. I go to a practitioner who specialises in infertility. Both OH and I have been treated by her. I was doing well with her and she had recommended I had more treatment before starting ICSI, but then had my appointment suddenly brought forward by the fertility clinic due to a cancellation and (stupidly) I rushed into the ICSI treatment instead and ended up with a chemical pregnancy

As she has treated both OH and I, she is convinced we should be able to conceive naturally (fertility consultant said it was a very low chance).

I know other members here recommend reflexology as well.

Good luck FE with work, but try not to get yourself upset about it. Sorry I can't offer any more advice.

Somnium · 7 July 2009 at 7:35PM

Still lurking ladies

Toniq - happy to hear things are moving again for you, hope it all goes well for you.

FE - huggles, thats really not what you need right now. Hope it turns out not to be redundancy lurking.

Newbies - welcome to you all, I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys. Stay positive xx

becs · 7 July 2009 at 7:53PM

Hi Newbies and welcome to you all.

Firstly Toniq that's fantastic news for you, I hope this is the beginning of your luck changing and is the start of alot more positives to come!:j

MadMac, sorry to hear you're having to postpone for a while, hopefully it will be soon when you're back here with us fully! I'm glad your oh is getting some help though. My friend swears by reflexology by the way, she went to a lady that has helped loads of her friends and she did fall pregnant as well although she had been seeing her a while and she puts her success down to her tubes being flushed.

Agutka I second what the others have said and follow your SIL's lead. People handle difficult times in different ways. I have a very dear friend who has been through some very difficult times in her life and has not been able to have children. I know it hurts her deeply but the only way she keeps coping is by dwelling on what she has in her life and not what she hasn't. She even thought she may have been pregnant recently but sadly her blood tests showed otherwise and even now she is very philosophical and says she is very thankful for the loving husband she has to support her. We shouldn't fear what hasn't happened yet and we should live for each moment as they happen. Your SIL sounds very brave and sounds like she has a fantastic attitude. If everything goes ok in this pg how would she feel if she had spent 9 months fearing the worst instead of enjoying the experience of a new life grwoing inside of her. I hope all goes well for her and you sound like a wonderful caring person for her to have if she needs you.

MadMac_2 · 7 July 2009 at 10:41PM

Toniq, that is absolutely great news! A huge relief for you and you'll enjoy your holiday far more for it, well done for getting things sorted in time x

Angelavdavis - thank you for that, I think I'll look into it and see if my new neighbour is interested in helping also!

Becs - yay, more positive news on the reflexology so my mind is made up! It will give me something else to focus on while I help my lovely OH fight the black dog away, x

liloandstitch · 7 July 2009 at 11:29PM

Just popped back in - sorry to hear you are upset FE, Try not to stress if you can, wait and see what they have to say first. It is really annoying that they are expecting to see you on your day off, if you do make sure you take the time later to make up for it. Whatever happens you will manage - this is a special time for you and OH, enjoy it anyway. Let it go over your head, believe me your health and happiness is far more important than your job even though it may make it hard to manage. I never thought I could not work for 6 months, but I had no choice and am still not fit to return now. But we have managed somehow, and have got through okay. And I really couldnt see how we could do it and was soooo stressed about it. I am sending huge hugs your way, and will be thinking of you

Lilo