Trying for a baby (12+ M/not straightforward)

ginvzt

Hi ladies, hope you are all well.

I talked to my mum yesterday and I told her that we are having trouble conceiving. she just suddenly asked when are the grandchildren coming (for the n-th time!!!!) and instead of usual 'when we have a house, when the time is right, etc.', I just said - 'when we find out why we can't have children'. She didn't know we where trying, as we didn't tell anyone. It was good to tell her and I found out that my mums sister had to wait a bit longer to have children, but then they came without any interventions (as far as I was told). apparently, one relative had her first child when she was 40 and that was not by her choice!!!! Well, I am 30 this year, and I will go crazy if I have to wait so long for nature to take it's courses. I think we will be up for adoption if no luck in a year or two.

OH said he is going to get his test done this week, will see if he keeps up to it. Next week is 'the good' week, so he can't get it done then, and I am getting my second blood test the following week and then we can go and find out the results! (Why am I getting excited - shouldn't I be worried that they will find something horrible wrong with me???)

nikkinoo_3

Hi Guys, firstly an apology as I'm feeling really down this evening, so stop reading if you wish!

AF is due this coming weekend and these last few days I've wanted to do nothing but cry. Normally I get upset when AF starts but I'm really beginning to feel that I can't face another BFN. Even DH is beginning to get short with me now! Work is awful, if I had the guts to just leave I would (though I'm sure it's probably worse because I feel so pants about other things!), but I'm not that brave, and besides, IVF might need funding in the not-so-distant future.
I told myself last month that if it doesn't happen this month I'll stop trying. I'll go through the motions of the HSG next month and take the next steps, but I honestly don't think I can cope with the emotional let down every month. It's so hard to push it out of my mind, no matter how hard I try, and now I've got the added stress of realising that if I can't cope with this, how on earth am I going to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of IVF??

I know there are many worse off than me, and I feel so selfish feeling like this, but it seems that every week I hear of another friend or friend-of-a-friend who is pregnant. Of course I'm pleased for them, but I'm just so sad it's not me.

Anyhow, I know you guys understand what friends, DH and family really can't - so thank you for listening, and apologies for being so self-pitying. I'll be back to my normal self next time I post... promise :rolleyes: xx

ginvzt

Nikkinoo - hugs to you!!!! would you like a cup of tea and a slice a cake? should I send it your way or would like to pop in?

I understand how hard it is. I had a bit of a cry, when I opened a fortune cookie yesterday and it said 'you will soon gain what you always wanted'. Right, it could be anything, like piano, house, promotion, etc., but what I want most now is the baby - and that is what I was thinking. It seems to be the only thing on my mind!!!!! we are looking for another house to rent, and at the moment 3 bedrooms would be plenty (bedroom, study and guest room), but I can't stop thinking that we need bedroom 4 for the baby!!!!!!!

nikkinoo_3

Cake and tea would be lovely - thanks!
It's silly how we read things into something like a fortune cookie - I've started reading my stars, something I never used to do!! If only I could get this damn subject of being pregnant out of my mind it would do me the world of good!
We're considering an extention, or a lodger, or moving house, or going on a last hideously expensive holiday.... I'd consider the mud composition of a remote african village if it took my mind off things! But it would only work for a short while...!

When I told my mum that we're ttc she said that my nan took a long time to conceive her after her brother. I think my nan was in her 40s; I think my mum meant it as words of consolation, but all I could think of was that I can't wait another 5 years for this!!!

shelly

Bunnie, you are very welcome. Hope it goes well for you.


Nikki, don't apologise for feeling down and getting things off your chest. We all feel like this and it helps to let it out.


Right now I'm bored/fed up with it all......not the trying bit, that's good I'm bored of the 2ww, bored of seeing AF signs, bored of waiting for AF so we can start again.
But I'm frightened too. When we get a BFP again it will be like the second time, scared to go to the loo incase I see signs of mc.

liloandstitch

My heart goes out to you all, its heartbreaking to hear the pain you are all going through. I just get frustrated that some people just pop them out like peas, and those of us who would make superb parents, are struggling for whatever reason. Could it be that we want it too much? I just dont know I wish I had the answer, and could wave my wand for all you lovely people.

I dont know - try to remain relaxed - and try to believe that it will eventually be your turn and keep loving our long suffering beloveds, we must look after what we already have.

The biggest hugs to all - Lilo

ginvzt

I am not even in 2ww and I am fed up - my right boob is sore for 5 days now! And no, nothing rough is going on! My temp is right down, and AF hasn't fully left yet, but I still find myself thinking - oh well, maybe I am pg? I truly understand that there is no way I could be pg, but I still keep thinking/hoping that maybe I am! (No, I am really not)

gymfiend

Morning ladies,

Well...looks like I missed out on tea & cake yesterday... Anyone for a toasted tea cake this morning?

Hope everyone is not too bad this morning.

Ginvzt - I know what you mean, I spent almost a year without periods & was convinced I was pregnant & was going to pop out a baby at any moment, obviously impossible as I wasn't ovulating!! My better half took to believing I was a total lunatic so I keep these things to myself now...!

Sorry about AF turning up PeachyJem - hopefully the OPK's will help you to crack it this month

Nikki...feel like I could've written exactly what you have! I read mine & OH's year horoscopes the other week & his said that he was due more responsibility and mine said I would get the dream I'd been holding out for - now, if that's not a sign, I don't know what is!!

To add salt to the wound, my OH's friend has just had a baby with his girlfriend [accidental pregnancy], his sister is also about to drop [another accidental one] & both are complaining about sleepless night/pain in pregnancy etc. That's the bit I can't cope with...people who have all I want but don't appreciate it, but I'm trying so hard to not get emotional or upset about it & cling to the fact that one day, it will be mine, just not yet...it will happen when the time's right. I guess you know deep down that you will cope, no matter how hard it is and how emotional it is, if it comes to IVF you will be ok, because the end result will be worth every little bit of heartache it's taken to get there.

No news from me...temps are confusing as ever...they've gone like this [starting on CD7]:
34.6
36.4
35.7
35.8
35.7
35.4
35.6
35.9
35.6

Now, if today's hadn't been 35.6, I would've assumed yesterday was the rise after ov - but now I'm not sure?! I have had no CM to speak of, so can't assume from that, had a tiny little pain in my left side 2 days ago but not sure if that was ov or just a twinge I'm at the hospital to discuss my pituitary problems on Thursday & was hoping to have some sort of definitive knowledge myself on whether or not I ov by then so I could get them to refer me or do something, but I'm so unsure I don't know what to do Argh.

Rant over for this morning Well done to anyone who has reached the end of this essay!! :T xx

mrylandb

Somnium wrote: »

Just wondering if the London clinic you are refering to was the Bridge? If so thats where we are going

It was actually St Bartholomew's (Barts) Hospital in London - our local Health Authority has a referral system with them. Whilst much of the NHS is inefficient and much maligned, we were pleased with the help and advice that we received during the whole process (actually seemed that people wanted to help as opposed to our previous doctor who practically said you should have done this years ago, which wasn't very helpful) and due to OH's age (37 @ conception) we were fast tracked through the system a little and things did progress eventually.

nottslass_2

Morning Ladies,Oh dear, it sounds like we're all a bit fed up with this TTC malarkey,it really does seem to take over your life after a bit.

Nikkinoo,I know what you mean about reading your stars,I do exactly the same - hoping to read "you'll get an unexpected surprise on the 20th"or "you'll need to make room for another one ,over the coming months" or perhaps "you'll get what you've dreamed of" !!! You will survive the roller coaster of IVF (whether or not you'll ever be sane again,is a different story.lol.)Its hard,and unfortunately many people assume its a"modern day medical miracle" and it'll be successful for just about everyone,in reality,it takes all your emotional reserve,turns you into a hormonal wreck and leaves you skint !!!but,It can't be that bad as I think we'll be going for another attempt - thats if I can tear myself away from this dammed computer,I seem to spent more time Googling "IVF success rates for the over 40's" and "how to increase your chances" than actually trying to get pregnant.

At the moment we're seriously looking to going abroad and having treatment using an egg donor,the success rate's for "the more mature woman" are so much better with donor eggs.The only problem is I don't know where to start,which country,which clinic ,how much, how long etc ?

lilo,thinking of you,have you got a date for your op yet ?

Anyway,baby dust to us all,keep the faith and don't give up.

Nottslass