The miscarriage support and TTC after miscarriage thread

skintchick

Well, I know we have a TTC thread, a TTC +12 months thread, a PG thread AND a parents' thread, but I feel there is a need and room for a thread for people who have suffered miscarriage, and for those who are TTC after a miscarriage.

EDIT - I don;t mean that the TTC and PG threads aren;t great, just that if you have a mc it feels a bit of a downer to write on them about it, and I thought a special place would be more appropriate, but only in addition to those threads, not instead of. (end edit)

My story is that after getting married in June, we starting TTC and I got PG almost immediately. I am 33 and hubby is 41, no previous children for either of us.

I would have been 8 weeks today (Mon) but on Friday i started passing brown discharge, which turned red, then became a lot of blood, then clots and today the hospital confirmed we have miscarried.

This time round we were so excited that we told our parents and a lot of close friends. In a way I'm glad we did (we already have flowers from some, bless them) as we have support now but also I know next time I will not want to tell anyone until I have seen a heartbeat on a scan and am past 12 weeks.

It's especially hard as we do not have a child yet so obviously we worry it will happen again and that we are not able to have children.

I thought it would be good to have a place here where we can support each other, vent, and get advice.

So if you or your partner has had a mc, whether or not you are trying again, then please feel free to post here.

:A

milliebear00001

Hi there

Firstly, so sorry for your loss. It really knocks you for six when it happens. My story is that I had two missed miscarriages (although felt something was wrong both times) before going on to have two healthy babies. :j I am a bit of an anorak abour miscarriage so I am happy to try to answer any questions people may have.

x

skintchick

Thanks milliebear. And good to hear you now have two babies!

I also felt something was wrong - I think it's why I was so paranoid about losing it and wanted an early scan (I was going to go private) and on Friday I knew something was up cos my boobs were back to normal in looks and goggle mc all morning.

I think we do know our bodies - I knew I was Pg before i could get a BFP too.

Any advice on healing physically and emotionally? How long did you leave it before trying again? How did your hubby feel? Mine is very keen to try again and I feel that is his way of coping.

Tiger_greeneyes

I'm so sorry to read about your miscarriage, I suffered a miscarriage in 2001 (ectopic) and it was the only time I ever fell pregnant. I was 34 then - I'm 42 soon and know it won't happen for me now. I've also been through two rounds of ivf and tried Clomid - it's a fertility drug but it didn't work for me.

The best thing I can suggest for you is to see your gp - your fertility may well be good but as you're in your mid 30's it's probably a good idea to get it checked out as it declines with every year that passes. There's lots they can do to help you but if you do have a problem, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

Along with my ectopic pregnancy, I had 5 viable ivf embryo's that didn't make it - I guess it was never meant to be and I do get upset from time to time when I think about them. It took me a while but I'm fine with it now, not having children can be just as fulfilling as having them - my life is my own and I'm making the most of it.

milliebear00001

skintchick wrote: »

Thanks milliebear. And good to hear you now have two babies!

I also felt something was wrong - I think it's why I was so paranoid about losing it and wanted an early scan (I was going to go private) and on Friday I knew something was up cos my boobs were back to normal in looks and goggle mc all morning.

I think we do know our bodies - I knew I was Pg before i could get a BFP too.

Any advice on healing physically and emotionally? How long did you leave it before trying again? How did your hubby feel? Mine is very keen to try again and I feel that is his way of coping.

After my first mc I was like your husband and wanted to try again ASAP. I was lucky that I fell pregnant straight away with all my pregnancies. After the second I was in pretty bad shape and decided I couldn't put myself through it again for a while. I waited 6 months and really concentrated on getting into the best possible shape. Stopped drinking, ate my 5 portions and took the folic acid. After 6 months I was ready, but still spent the whole of the pregnancy in a state of terror. It was easier with my son as I kind of knew my body could do it IYSWIM! The important thing to remeber is that after one mc, you are no more likely than anyone else to have another. x

milliebear00001

Oh, I should probably add that my OH was just a bit shocked by the whole thing. He didn't really know what to do or say and had never seen me so devastated before! He never doubted that we'd have kids though, and was much more able than I was to take all the positive stats at face value.

Gingham_Ribbon

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Skinty.

I have 2 beautiful children, but have been pregnant 5 times and it took some time to accept that, even if I had 10 children, there would always be 3 missing. The pain of losing a baby early in pregnancy can be hard for people who haven't been through it to understand, and it can be isolating. I'm glad you have support.

Can I recommend a book to you? I found it very helpful.

My friend lost her baby 2 months before a loss of our own and her son said something that helped us both. He had planted some sunflower seeds. They all had the same sun, the same water and he'd wanted each of them as much as the others. But some grew and some couldn't. He likened that to the babies that didn't get here and it helped him cope too.

homeaway

skintchick wrote: »

Well, I know we have a TTC thread, a TTC +12 months thread, a PG thread AND a parents' thread, but I feel there is a need and room for a thread for people who have suffered miscarriage, and for those who are TTC after a miscarriage.

My story is that after getting married in June, we starting TTC and I got PG almost immediately. I am 33 and hubby is 41, no previous children for either of us.

I would have been 8 weeks tomorrow (Mon) but on Friday i started passing brown discharge, which turned red, then became a lot of blood, then clots and today the hospital confirmed we have miscarried.

This time round we were so excited that we told our parents and a lot of close friends. In a way I'm glad we did (we already have flowers from some, bless them) as we have support now but also I know next time I will not want to tell anyone until I have seen a heartbeat on a scan and am past 12 weeks.

It's especially hard as we do not have a child yet so obviously we worry it will happen again and that we are not able to have children.

I thought it would be good to have a place here where we can support each other, vent, and get advice.

So if you or your partner has had a mc, whether or not you are trying again, then please feel free to post here.

:A

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can really understand how you feel as i had two miscarriages. I now have three lovely children. If you have been advised to wait for a while until you try again then try and use that time to eat well and be as healthy as you can. The miscarriage association was a great help to me and it helped talking to somebody who had been through it. I made a memory box for my baby with all the scan pictures etc and i wrote a letter (that only i saw) and put it in there. I let go of it when i was ready. Take care

galvanizersbaby

So sorry to hear of your loss Skintchick
Almost exactly the same thing happened to me with my 1st pregnancy and I decided to try again immediately and conceived straight away (6 weeks after ERPC operation)
This time everything was fine and I delivered my gorgeous son but the first trimester of the pregnancy was very stressful and I had umpteen scans.

I had my daughter a year and a half later and all was well but a couple of months back I had another missed miscarriage (repeat performance of first) and for various reasons have decided not to try again straight away.

I think the trouble with a missed miscarriage is that you feel lied to by your body because you don’t realise that things have gone wrong often for a while and in subsequent pregnancies it is easy to become paranoid that your symptoms have disappeared.

Please try not to read too much in to the miscarriage – the stats say 1 in 3 first pregnancies miscarry and for most woman they will carry on to have a successful pregnancy.

Be kind to yourself and feel free to PM me (unfortunately aside from my own experience I have a sister with vast knowledge in this area)

Take care x

mrcow

Oh Skinty, I'm so so very sorry to hear that. I was so happy for you when I heard the news of your pregnancy as I know that you'd been looking forward to planning and starting a family.

I've lost two babies and with both, the shock has been terrible. To wake up one morning with everything to look forward to and then by the end of the day to have just nothing is a feeling that I don't think I'll ever recover from.

I lost my last baby on the 1st of February this year and still have no where near got over it. I was crying about it even today and most weeks have really sad times over it. I also carry my son's scan photographs in a secret pocket in my handbag that I always have with me. I've not told anyone about this as I think they'd be annoyed that I still haven't come to terms with this.

I just still feel so cheated. He should be here with his mum where he belongs.

There are no hard and fast rules about recovery. Having other children does help because they make you get on with things, but you also need time to yourself.

Gingham_Ribbon

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

My friend lost her baby 2 months before a loss of our own and her son said something that helped us both. He had planted some sunflower seeds. They all had the same sun, the same water and he'd wanted each of them as much as the others. But some grew and some couldn't. He likened that to the babies that didn't get here and it helped him cope too.

Sorry. I got a bit choked posting about this and I didn't say how I used this in a helpful way. I had sunflowers in my wedding bouquet, as a private way of 'paying respect' (such an empty phrase.) And I never go out without a flower somewhere on me - there is a sunflower on my keyring, I have a 'mum ring' that has petals engraved round it, I have flowers on my handbag and my son's changing bag etc. It helps. It's just my way of keeping them in my life in a small way.