The miscarriage support and TTC after miscarriage thread

mrcow

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Perhaps we could, if we feel strong enough, post some thoughts on things that have helped us be it a website, quotes and poems etc.
Just an idea....

One thing that really helped me was that we had a blessing read out for our son (within one of our normal midweek church services) and we named him publically. The vicar helped us chose a reading and we had an opportunity to light a candle each for him. It was a very private service so it didn't feel invasive.

Our church were more than happy to do this and I think it really helped us to feel that it was something that we could do that we had some sort of control of (everything else seemed so out of control.....we'd had the funeral two days before which was terrible). This service was a much more peaceful and reflective fairwell.

Obviously it depends on what your feelings are with the church etc, but if it's something that you feel that you want to do, then certainly consider it as it helped us.

If I'm feeling really low at night, I light a candle and put it in the window. I told my eldest son that his brother will be able to see it from heaven. It's just my way of connecting I guess, but we all have our own coping mechanisms.

skintchick

MrCow I'd love that but as I was only 7+4 when my mc started I don;t know the sex, and we didn;t have a name, and people at our church might think we are making a fuss over nothing.

milliebear00001

Many churches have an open Memorial service every so often. If you are at all spiritually minded, you might like to ask about this. Usually it's a service of remembrance for anybody who has lost somebody. I know other women who go to these and light a candle/spend some time remembering their loss, and they have been welcomed with open arms. Of course, you could always just go along to the church at another time and say a prayer if you want to be more private - perhaps on an important anniversary.

mrcow

skintchick wrote: »

MrCow I'd love that but as I was only 7+4 when my mc started I don;t know the sex, and we didn;t have a name, and people at our church might think we are making a fuss over nothing.

This is your baby and the Christian church can and do recognise this. No one will think that you are making a fuss. Maybe have a read of Psalm 139 if it helps. I do know that you have a church family as you've mentioned them before and perhaps it's an idea to have a think about. But do what you want, not what you think is right in the eyes of others.

Maybe an alternative is to say your own blessings or prayers whilst lighting a candle if you want something more personal? I did this on our LO's due date at our local chapel and will probaby do it again next year.

As was said earlier, we all have our own ways of remembering. They are personal to us and I'm just sharing mine. I did find it helped me to "do" something if you get what I mean?

shellsuit

Oh Skinty, I'm so sorry

(And to the other ladies who have MC, or lost children xx)

I only got back from holiday last night, so just came across this thread.

I actually had a miscarriage in April 1995 when I was 6 weeks, then went on to have Jack, in May 1996, so as you can see, we didn't wait long at all before we tried again. I then had Sian in Jan 1998, so I guess the MC was something which couldn't be prevented and as Doctors had told me at the time, it was 'just one of those things'.

I was gutted at the time, but more so because I'd told close friends and family only the night before I MC that I was pregnant, so you can imagine how I felt when I had to give everyone the bad news.

I think if I'd kept it to myself, I wouldn't have been so bad, because I tend to bottle everything up inside, but because I'd told quite a few people, everytime I heard "I'm sorry", or "how are you feeling" I'd just well up ~ I actually locked myself away in the bedroom for 3 days, until people stopped asking me how I was. That was just the way I dealt with it at the time.

I think it's a lovely idea to have this thread Skinty, bless you xxx

clueless1

I think that this thread should come with a warning to have tissues at the ready!
I have had two miscarriages, the last one only happened just recently but I wont go into too much detail as I havent stopped sobbing yet from reading this thread.
Sorry to everyone thats had a miscarriage and good luck to those that are ttc. xxx

deborah64

First of all i would like to send big huggs and loads of love to anyone who has suffered a loss.
We m/c in September 1992, i was 14 weeks, and went to have a prebooked scan, and there was nothing there.
The next day i had to have a d and c.
I have recovered, but i will never ever forget my lost baby, i didnt know the sex, but would love to think it was a boy.
We already had a 5 year old girl at the time.
We went on to ttc, but had to have fertility treatment and i fianlly produced Aimee in 1995.
I always say things happen for a reason, and we wasn't meant to have the baby we lost, but in 1998 and we dont know how it happenend ( ok, we do lol ), katie arrived.
What can i say about Katie, she is a 100 miles an hour whirlwind, on the go the whole time, but is so loving and gentle, but as daft as a brush, she does the silliest of things, and makes me laugh the whole day long, but also makes me pull my hair out lol, but without going through the terrible ordeal we did in 92, she wouldnt be here, and we would have missed out on such a lovely little person. Of course i wish we hadn't m/c, but you can't stop nature doing its job.
I always sit and think a little on the date in September, nobody else remembers, not even my o/h but it dosn't matter, its in my heart and always will be. Daft as it seems i have even kept the name bracelet they stuck on me in the hospital, it is with the ones from my 3 girls births.
Right i need to go and find tissues,
Love to you all