The miscarriage support and TTC after miscarriage thread

GracieP

I'm feeling strangely better now. I just flicked on the news and have seen the state of the markets. We're all doomed, it's very distracting.

I may be the only person in the world that has been made feel better by the state of the economy today.;)

skintchick

I know we are all feeling raw, and those of us who have very recently miscarried will also be carrying very fresh emotions, but I think it would be helpful if we tried to work this thread a bit like one of those circles of support, where we can all say how we feel and everyone has to accept that that is a valid viewpoint without getting upset about it.

I'm not having a go at anyone, but I think it would be good if we could try not to read posts personally, but accept that there are many different ways of experiencing and emotionalising (is that even a word?) a miscarriage, and we will not all feel the same but we can all support each other.

Love and hugs x

shelly

When I saw the title of this thread I thought....Shelly, don't even look at it! but I had to....now an hour later and nearly a whole box of tissues, here I am posting


Most of you know me already from the 2 TTC threads but for those of you who don't here's my story....

In 2004 we decided to start ttc. I got pg in my 2nd cycle. Started getting dirty brown stuff (dbs) at about 6 weeks. My gp said not to worry, it can be normal as I wasn't in any pain at all. The dbs went on for a further 6 weeks so by then I was 3 months along. Had our first scan and there was no baby there at all, just the empty sac. The baby had stopped growing at about 6 weeks and my body had absorbed it.
I opted to have the tablets that bring on a mc. Sweet jesus....never again! The pain was awful. At one point I thought I had peed myself but the nurse said that was the sac popping and letting out the waters with the force of the contractions.
Anyway, I didn't pass the sac after 24 hours so I had a d&c.


Fast forward to 2006.
Got pg again and was scared to death! When I got the BFP I sobbed, I was so scared.
At about 6-7 weeks the dbs started again, this time GP told me to go straight to A&E. A scan showed the baby had stopped growing at about 6 weeks and my body had absorbed it and just the empty sac was left behind.
I opted for the d&c that time.

I had signed a form at the time to give permission that they could look at what was taken away incase there were any obvious reasons as to why the pg had failed a 2nd time. I am so glad I did!
It turned out I had very aggressive cervical cancer. (the cancer didn't cause the mc)
Turns out the mc saved my life because if I had gone to term I wouldn't have been around for long afterwards.
At the time all I could think of was that at least I would have died being a mum!

I had most of my cervix taken away and have been clear for 2 years now. Having hardly any cervix shouldn't affect my ability to conceive but it does mean that when I get pg again the chances are I won't go to term as my cervix won't be able to hold in the pg for that long so I could end up in hospital at 6 months until delivery and I will have to have a c-section.
I admit then when told all this info by a specialist I seriously had doubts about even ttc again.


We are still trying though and I am currently on a diet (boohoo) so that we can go on the IVF waiting list.

There isn't a day go by that I don't think about our babies. I do think of them as babies which is odd because before my mc's I always thought in my mind they weren't babies until they had a heartbeat. That changed when I lost my 1st.

After having had cancer I count myself very lucky to even be alive so some days I think that I'm not really bothered if we don't have a baby because at least I am still here and we have eachother....others I crave a child so bad that I think i'll spontaneously (sp) combust

I am very lazy at ttc. I have only recently been working out my cycle lengths and I am on a clinical trial for Clearblue using their fertility monitor.

Edited to add~ Forgot to say that I am 32 and hubby is 37.


Sorry, that turned into such a long post.

shelly x

CAFCGirl

Once again Skint Chick I think thats a great idea and I think this thread could be a really great source of support for people who have experienced, or are experiencing miscarriage.

Perhaps we could, if we feel strong enough, post some thoughts on things that have helped us be it a website, quotes and poems etc.
Just an idea....

CAFCGirl

Shelly,

I cannot say much apart from I am really sorry to hear about all that you have been through.
You wrote very well about your situation and I just want to say thankyou for posting your words, and they will be of great comfort and support to others, and I hope that other words on this thread will do the same for you too
xx

skintchick

Here are some ideas I've had as a way of memorialising our LO:

Make a box with my PG notes, positive test sticks, cards from flowers we;ve been sent, etc.

Put a plant in the garden

Write a poem

Write a letter to LO

I don;t know what if any we will do but I am racking my brains to think of something suitable to mark our baby's passing, without being over the top about it.

shelly

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Perhaps we could, if we feel strong enough, post some thoughts on things that have helped us be it a website, quotes and poems etc.
Just an idea....

I think what helped me get through both of my mc's was firstly having a wonderful hubby who is an absolute diamond and secondly talking about them and not acting like they were just something to be gotten over and forgotten about.

CAFCGirl

I think all of those are nice ideas.
I also think the answer comes to you when the time is right.

Mine is getting a charm bracelet with a gingerbread man, which we were planning on using as a theme to decorate baby's room, so it kinda symbolises the pregnancy to me.

I've also thought about writing to baby as well but i think thats something I'll do in a little time.

I've kept that same piece of crystal with me as well since my m/c, and i'd like to get that put into a necklace if I could.

I found some nice poems as well in the week after it happened, but I cant remember the sites. Will try and find them again xx

CAFCGirl

shelly wrote: »

I think what helped me get through both of my mc's was firstly having a wonderful hubby who is an absolute diamond and secondly talking about them and not acting like they were just something to be gotten over and forgotten about.

Thats a really good point Shelly, no matter how brief or long the appearence, they still appeared none the less.

I found a lot of people werent sure if I wanted to talk or not, but was lucky that noone just ignored it had happened....I had great support network from my husband and very close knit small workforce, and I'll be ever thankful to them for that xx

shelly

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Thats a really good point Shelly, no matter how brief or long the appearence, they still appeared none the less.

I found a lot of people werent sure if I wanted to talk or not, but was lucky that noone just ignored it had happened....I had great support network from my husband and very close knit small workforce, and I'll be ever thankful to them for that xx

I know what you mean about people not sure if you want to talk or not. I admit that before I had my mc's a friend of mine at work had one. I really did'nt know what to say to her so I understand about others not knowing what to say.
I think I have probably made a few people uncomfortable and/or bored in the last 4 years because I can talk about it quite openly :rotfl: