The miscarriage support and TTC after miscarriage thread

nadnad

hi there skintchick. i had a missed miscarriage in may 2007. i was 13 weeks pregnant but the baby stopped growing at around 7. It was an awful time for me and my husband. At the time I didn't think I'd get through the pain of it all. Everyone knew I was pregnant which actually helped me and well I couldnt have hidden the misery afterwards.

A few weeks after it happened I began to think about when I wanted to try again and i began to realise I wanted to try straight away. We waited for my first period after the mc and we fell pregnant the second month of trying (inAugust 07). This pregnancy was very stressful and I had a mc scare at 7 weeks. At this point I decided to go private as I needed the reassurance of regular scans. I will admit that until I could feel him moving I worried every day and even after that if he hadnt moved for a while I used to poke him! I was incredibly paranoid and worried. However the good news is that I had a healthy baby boy in May this year, and he's wonderful.

Its still painful to think back to the miscarriage but I have to tell myself it wasnt meant to be and growing a baby is an incredibly complex and amazing thing so its going to go wrong sometimes. But you have to tell yourself and remind yourself that MOST of the time it works out and everything is ok.

And just because its happened once that DOESNT increase your chances of it happening again.

Take care and if you need someone to talk to pm me about anything.

xoxo

elle_gee

I had a m/c two months ago. Date wise I was nearly ten weeks but the first scan showed the pregnancy was only six weeks along. Then the bleeding got a lot worse and another scan a week later showed everything was gone, so the pregnancy stopped developing at six weeks.

My own way of coping with it was to understand that at six weeks it's not a baby yet (to me, a baby is with arms and legs, or the starts of at least) so it was a pregnancy with a chance of a baby at the end of it. The nurse at the hospital really upset me - I was saying "I'm okay" (obviously i wasn't, but I meant "I'm alright, I don't need a hug from a stranger, pls can we get this over with and I can go!") and her reply was "you're not okay, you've lost your baby". To me, I hadn't lost a baby, I'd lost the chance of a baby.

I appreciate everyone has different views on when life begins, but thinking of it this way helped me. We were told to wait two periods and, without going into the realms of TMI, we're just about past that now, so we can officially start trying again tomorrow.

Originally we'd said we wouldn't try again until after christmas, purely because of a school year (issues in the family with young-for-school-year children), but now we're just going to go for it. Next time, other than making sure I eat the right things/avoid the bad things, I'm not going to celebrate or get involved in my pregnancy for the first ten weeks. I've done those ten weeks already - read the magazines, bought the maternity bras, discussed names, etc - so I don't feel the need to do it again.. does that make sense?

*hugs* to all who needs them

Librarian_with_attitude

Hi there, I don't often post but felt moved to add my tuppence worth. I had a missed miscarriage in late July, and like other posters felt something was wrong as my symptoms just dropped away one by one after about 10 weeks. I spent the week before my 12 week scan prodding my boobs, relieved each time that they were still painful as there was no other sign left that I was pregnant. I woke up on the morning of my scan and realised immediately that my boobs didn't hurt any more, so I pretty much knew what the sonographer would say, but I don't think anything can really prepare you for being told that they they are sorry, but they can't find a heartbeat.

I blamed my age, for want of anything else to do, as we found out a week before my 40th birthday, and I have never felt so OLD, so bone weary and sad. We have a gorgeous DS who is 3 in November, and I don't want him to be an only child, but my initial feeling after the miscarriage was that I can't face the idea of getting pregnant again. I would like to feel differently, and hope that I do change my mind soon, but until then I need to find ways to cope with what has happened to us. Frankly I have no idea how I will cope on the due date, does anyone have any suggestions?

elle_gee

Have thought of something else.. Two things I hate people saying:-

1. "There must have been something wrong.." - the reply in my head is always "yes, thanks for that - I already feel like a failure for it not pregressing and now you're suggesting I couldn't get it right in the first place!" (can you tell I hate failing at anything?!)

2. "I'm pregnant and this baby is so very much wanted/planned/budgeted for" - yes, mine was very much wanted, planned and (kinda!) budgeted for. Doesn't mean your baby is any more likely to survive than mine or you are any more deserving of one that me.

No matter what anyone says, they have no idea, absolutely no idea at all, how much a m/c hurts. I really wish everyone was born with the ability to think before they speak and sometimes could keep their own excitement to themselves sometimes *sigh*.

rosies_mum

I had my m/c at 11 weeks on 17th Oct last year so its almost a year since it happened. I remember telling mum and MIL that I didn't "feel pregnant", in fact I felt like I had really bad PMT for 11 weeks so I guess it didn't come as that much of a suprise when I started getting pains and bleeding. I ended up having an ERPC and then swabs taken during op showed an infection so on anti-biotics for 2 weeks.

I already have a dd so the fact that I had already been able to get that far kind of helped me when it came to trying again. I have to admit that I was petrified for the first 12 weeks, every time I went to the loo I worried I was going to see blood but thankfully got past that stage. I am now 34 weeks pregnant but still don't think I'll fully believe it until the baby is safely here.

I was already pregnant again by the time my due date came around but tbh I can't remember much about that day (its the anniversary of the m/c which is more in my mind). I remember a thread on here awhile back about people releasing a balloon on the due date and also others buying a piece of jewellery as a personal acknowledgement of their loss. I really like the idea of both of these, I think its important to recognise what has happened rather than try and forget about it. I did get a bit obsessed and kept visiting lots of other forums for those who have been through m/c and spent weeks in tears. It was a bit like therapy though in some odd way. I didn't feel quite so alone and felt other women could understand me better than my poor DH.

It wasn't until after my m/c that I realised how common a m/c is after you've already had 1 child. I know that it is little comfort to those who have experienced one in their first pregnancy, but hopefully other peoples experiences give a little hope in those first few weeks which seem so dark.

Sorry to ramble on, being able to "share" these experiences is like therapy, everyone on here is so supportive, I take alot of strength from that and hope others do too. I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason and when the time is right, it will happen again if thats what you choose. Hugs to those on here (and to our "angels" who are gone but will never be forgotten). XX

rosies_mum

elle_gee wrote: »

No matter what anyone says, they have no idea, absolutely no idea at all, how much a m/c hurts. I really wish everyone was born with the ability to think before they speak and sometimes could keep their own excitement to themselves sometimes *sigh*.

Oh dear elle_gee, I hope my post doesn't offend..... I took so long composing it, your post wasn't there when I started typing.

elle_gee

rosies_mum wrote: »

Oh dear elle_gee, I hope my post doesn't offend..... I took so long composing it, your post wasn't there when I started typing.

Oh no, not at all! I meant more-so women who haven't been through a m/c themselves..

Obviously we've all been there, we've all had the first few, at least, weeks of excitement which is only natural and at times now I "hate the world" for the fact those first ten, in my case, weeks will always be tarnished with more worry than my former carefree self didn't worry about when I was first pregnant.

It just gripes me sometimes that some feel the need to "bang on about" themselves and don't appear to consider themselves to ever be at risk of a m/c happening to them. I wish I was back in that naive bubble sometimes, that's all..

ETA: Lordy, I sound bitter!! I'm so sorry for subjecting you all to my ranting.. I think it's all just spilling out at once. I've said my piece now.. calm prevails :A

rosies_mum

Not bitter at all, just realistic and accepting that, at times, life's a b*tch as they say!

Better to off-load these feelings rather than keep them bottled up I always say (at least thats my excuse for hormone fuelled rantings, either that or being a fiery Aries!).:rotfl:

woozywendy

Sorry to hear of your loss. The feeling is unbeleivable when you do mc and can feel like the end of the world. But you can try again. I mc 3 times all at 10 weeks. All pregnancies were the same. At 6 weeks I got incredibly sick and could not even stand up or eat. I lived on water and lemonade, this went on for 6 months with me starting to gradually eat soup and such like. Because I could not eat for nausea I worried it was my fault but was told no. I actually lost 2 stone with each pregnancy. I am extremely lucky that I went onto have 2 children even though with my eldest daughter I did get an infection at 10 weeks and went into blind panic but it all worked out ok. I look at my daughters now ( 7 & 5) and it still amazes me that they are mine.
I wish you all the luck to anyone who is trying for a baby .

howskint?

I am so sorry for your loss and also so sorry that so many of us have had to go through this. I had a m/c 2 days before Xmas last year and although i'm now pregnant again it still upsets me. I thought I'd lost this pregnancy too when I started bleeding at 6 weeks but a scan showed I was still pregnant but had actually started out carrying twins so had lost one. This led to some very mixed emotions. Sadness at losing a baby, happiness at still being pregnant and tremendous guilt at feeling happy. My only advice having been there is that you should allow yourself whatever time you need. After my first m/c I wanted to try again straight away but OH was going away on a business trip so we couldn't try for over a month. With hindsight I needed that time to deal with my own feelings. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be feeling! Big hugs to everyone.
xx