The miscarriage support and TTC after miscarriage thread

skintchick

rosies_mum wrote: »

Sorry to ramble on, being able to "share" these experiences is like therapy, everyone on here is so supportive, I take alot of strength from that and hope others do too. I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason and when the time is right, it will happen again if thats what you choose. Hugs to those on here (and to our "angels" who are gone but will never be forgotten). XX

This is exactly why I created this thread, so we'd have a place where it is totally Ok to rant and rave, to weep and to rail against the world, and also to support each other and remember our lost little ones.

It wasn't created to be about me, merely created because in my pain today I could see a need for so many of us.

Miscarriage is not talked about that much but I think we should be able to. We and our lost ones are not dirty secrets, and I hope this thread will be a safe place where we can all let our grief and frustrations out.

skintchick

Librarian_with_attitude wrote: »

I need to find ways to cope with what has happened to us. Frankly I have no idea how I will cope on the due date, does anyone have any suggestions?

I don;t know what to suggest. This is all so raw for me I haven;t really thought about how to commemorate the due date.

Coping-wise, I am trying to tell myself there will be another baby, and lean on my husband who is being utterly brilliant and making me realise exactly why I married him.

Perhaps you could plan a special time, perhaps a trip to somewhere natural like a beach or a moor, and spend some time talking to your baby and being peaceful?

My mum suggested planting something in the garden in remembrance so you could do that.

Or maybe you could go to church or something on the nearest Sunday and have a quiet time?

GracieP

elle_gee wrote: »

at times now I "hate the world" for the fact those first ten, in my case, weeks will always be tarnished with more worry than my former carefree self didn't worry about when I was first pregnant.

This is one of the worst things about it. I mc'd 3 weeks ago and the thing is, is that even if from now on everything goes perfectly it will still be tarnished. If I get pregnant again immediately and if it is a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy I won't enjoy it the way I enjoyed my first, too short, pregnancy.

I won't get a BFP and punch the air in delight as I did last time. I'll be scared out of my mind all the time. And I won't want to take anything to relieve my symptoms, even the pregnancy safe things like paracetemol and Gaviscon, as I won't want to not feel them for a second.

milliebear00001

GracieP wrote: »

This is one of the worst things about it. I mc'd 3 weeks ago and the thing is, is that even if from now on everything goes perfectly it will still be tarnished. If I get pregnant again immediately and if it is a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy I won't enjoy it the way I enjoyed my first, too short, pregnancy.

I won't get a BFP and punch the air in delight as I did last time. I'll be scared out of my mind all the time. And I won't want to take anything to relieve my symptoms, even the pregnancy safe things like paracetemol and Gaviscon, as I won't want to not feel them for a second.

I'm sorry to say it, but this rings very true for me. One of my biggest senses of loss over all this isn't just the loss of those pregnancies (I came to realise that without those losses I wouldn't have the two fantastic children I have now) it's the loss of the naivete of your first pregnancy. I envy those women who sail through without a care so much! In my third (successful) pregnancy, I was a bit of a nut-job to be honest. Used a handheld Doppler throughout for ressurance and spent a LOT of time worrying. It was easier for the second successful pregnancy - that time I worried for the first trimester but was pretty much OK for the second two, so I guess it does get better. Part of it being easier with my last pregnancy was to do with already having a child - it really does give you a sense that you can get through anything for their sake.

I found it helped to get through a week at a time (sometimes a day).

celyn90

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

My friend lost her baby 2 months before a loss of our own and her son said something that helped us both. He had planted some sunflower seeds. They all had the same sun, the same water and he'd wanted each of them as much as the others. But some grew and some couldn't. He likened that to the babies that didn't get here and it helped him cope too.

That's beautiful and really touching, thank you for posting

Toto

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I'm sorry to say it, but this rings very true for me. One of my biggest senses of loss over all this isn't just the loss of those pregnancies (I came to realise that without those losses I wouldn't have the two fantastic children I have now) .

This was my biggest fear when I lost my babies, I was so afraid to get pregnant again before the due dates passed because I never wanted to feel it was a choice between the baby I'd lost and the baby which was born. I tormented myself but in the end I convinced myself that if a life is going to happen it will. it doesn't matter when that baby is born it'll be the same life in a new body (if that makes sense). That was a huge comfort to me when I fell pregnant 3 months after a mc.


I've had 2 mc, the first one was at 19 weeks the second was a missed mc (they called it a missed abortion which really upset me) at 12 weeks but baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. This was 10 years ago for me, and i've never stopped feeling sad at times or worrying with new pregnancies. As somone else has said, I still won't believe this baby is coming (I'm 34 weeks) until she is here in my arms. Every day I worry when I don't feel movement for an hour or two. It's something that most people don't understand.

nadnad

Toto wrote: »

. As somone else has said, I still won't believe this baby is coming (I'm 34 weeks) until she is here in my arms. Every day I worry when I don't feel movement for an hour or two. It's something that most people don't understand.

this is exactly what i went through every morning i'd wake in hold my breath and panic until i felt him move. throughout the day i poked and prodded at him if he wasn't wriggling. luckily he was a real wriggler and rarely kept still so that was reassuring. but like you i didnt let myself believe i was going to have a baby not until they put him in my arms. its not the nicest way to spend a pregnancy but it is hard to relax after being through a mc.

woozywendy

When I had my 3rd mc some friends of mine were talking and one of them cannot have children and said to me "at least I could get pregnant" (this was the day after my mc) she said it was much worse for her because she could not have children at all. My other friend turned to her and said no it isnt as yes I could get pregnant but it kept getting snatched away from me. After the mc me and my husband both said that if we were not going to have our own we were going to look into fostering or adoption when I reached 31. I was 5 months pregnant on my 31st birthday.

Hedgehog28

I miscarried in the middle of June, at 10 weeks. I'd spent quite a lot of my pregnancy worrying that something was wrong as I kept on getting tiny amounts of red-brown blood...but I had a scan at seven weeks (we are living in Belgium for a few years and the health system is different here) and everything was fine. I started to relax a bit but then it started again and this time I was sure there was something wrong as it just didn't feel the same..so I had another scan and was told that the baby had stopped developing at just over 8 weeks. My body clearly wasn't doing very much about it, so I had to have a D&C. This was my first pregnancy and we are TTC again now..but I know that if I do become pregnant again I'm going to be a nervous wreck...But at least I do have my seven week scan photos as a good memory.

skintchick

It's memories that are so hard if you didn;t have a scan and they just don;t do early scans here. I only have the positive test sticks and my midwife notes to remember my baby by.

I'm glad you have your scan Hedgehog, it is something good to focus on.

Hugs to everyone. x