Am I just not cut out to be a mom?

dad-of-4

cupid_s wrote: »

I’m 26, have been with husband for 7 years, married for 4 ½ We have recently been thinking about starting a family. Everyone we’ve spoken to about this just assumes I’ll give up work to be a SAHM and when I say I don’t want to give up my job they say they don’t agree with putting kids in childcare.
And part of me agrees with that viewpoint. We could easily afford for me to give up work. After being at Uni for 8 years we are used to living cheaply and could survive very well on DHs wage so money isn’t the issue at all.
But if I give up my job I have to give up any chance of me having a career I enjoy. I have worked so hard and been through so much to get the job I have but the company is so small that if I leave there is no chance of me being able to come back in x years. And getting another similar position elsewhere after time out is pretty much impossible.
I do really want kids but can’t help thinking that if I’m not willing to give up a job I love for them then I’m maybe not cut out for parenthood.
Please just throw your viewpoints at me.

or maybee when you enbark on your new career in motherhood, you might just find your true vocation.

MrsTinks

I think they can... looking at Au Pair websites there was nothing to say they couldn't - most however list if they have experience and of what agegroups... I'd want one that has experience of very young babies for obviously reasons
One English Au pair site I just searched on for a Scandi au pair forexample asks if the au pair is willing to work with children under 3 and if so what ages. All 3 listings matching my criteria were willing to work with children ages 0,1,2 Another I looked at states they look for au pairs to work with young children and infants... again that is for the UK

MrsTinks

In fact this site is quite informative...

dad-of-4

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I'm sure I'll get slated for this but I thought the same way you do when I was your age. A few years on and I can't wait to have children and be a SAHM.

My personal opinion (and I am entitled to this though I don't doubt I'll get comments from someone :rolleyes:) is that unless you're desperate for money why bother having kids if you're just going to give them to someone else to bring up and enjoy time with?

well said, i for one applaud your descision.

my missis is a sahm and we wouldnt have it anyother way, their is nothing more important in our lives than our kids, their is nothing more rewarding than accepting full responsability for them.

we took the ultimate step and started home educating this year, and now we just live with a little guilt of not doing it sooner.

mrcow

dad-of-4 wrote: »

well said, i for one applaud your descision.

my missis is a sahm and we wouldnt have it anyother way, their is nothing more important in our lives than our kids, their is nothing more rewarding than accepting full responsability for them.

we took the ultimate step and started home educating this year, and now we just live with a little guilt of not doing it sooner.

Hopefully you'll be bringing in someone external for their spelling and grammar lessons?

MrsTinks

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I'm sure I'll get slated for this but I thought the same way you do when I was your age. A few years on and I can't wait to have children and be a SAHM.

My personal opinion (and I am entitled to this though I don't doubt I'll get comments from someone :rolleyes:) is that unless you're desperate for money why bother having kids if you're just going to give them to someone else to bring up and enjoy time with?

Yes.... ME

I agree you are entitled to your oppinion and it is no less valid than mine... but I doubt I'll ever be a SAHM... I could imagine nothing worse than not having a job of SOME sort and be 100% dependant on my husbands income... if needs dictate then that's what I'll do, but I feel like I have to have some independance. I've worked very hard to get to my position and should anything lord forbid happen then I would be able to care for my children financially my self. Yes I know hubby would always support them but knowing I CAN do it would be invaluable to me.
I don't think I'd be handing them over to someone else... I'd still spend a lot of time with them (unless they are like me and prefer their own company from early on :rolleyes: ) and I would enjoy that time greatly. But I don't think it's a case of "bothering" to have kids... I WANT kids - always have! But I've seen my parents struggle and I want to know my children will never struggle! To do that I have to continue my career - that is a personal choice.
I want my children to if possible have a great education and that is going to be expensive - again this will mean I have to earn that money.
I'm not saying my way is better than anyone elses... just that please don't look down on those of us who want to return to work for reasons other than desperation

dad-of-4

mrcow wrote: »

Hopefully you'll be bringing in someone externally for their spelling and grammar lessons?

no i wont, ive never felt it held me back in life.

mrcow

dad-of-4 wrote: »

no i wont, ive never felt it held me back in life.

So instead you're going to limit your childrens' education to your own experiences and (limited) ability?

You may have felt it never held you back personally, but would you not want more than a substandard education for your children?

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

MrsTine wrote: »

In fact this site is quite informative...

http://www.aaupair.co.uk/index.php?nav=default&p=31

It does state at the bottom there that "Babies: Au Pairs are not trained Nannies and should not be expected to have sole charge of babies."

A "trained au pair" would be a nanny. If they are not advertising themselves as nannies, they are not adequately trained, if you see what I mean! Most au pairs have no training at all - if you have a lot of experience, you'd be charging nanny rates, after all.

MrsTinks

Depends on where you get them from and what experience they have Ok I'm fortunate - I can easily check up on the experience due to links through my family in Denmark - my brother worked for over a year in a nursery, his girlfriend still does, my aunt works for the government and can verify qualifications and my mum is the worlds best "information digger"... especially if it involved her grandchilds potential day time carer
Infact knowing mum she'd find a friend of a friends daughter who would want to come to the UK and au pair who had the relevant expenrience :rotfl:
I have though seriously considered nearer the time speaking to my brother and his girlfriend and finding out if any of their friends through work would want to come and work as an au pair - but this isn't a position most people are in i know.