Signing up for a loan on behalf of girlfriend who wants a boob job

bootsalebabe

JayB wrote: »

Just here to ask advice really. My gf, (who recently gave birth to my first daughter) wants a boob job however her credit is very poor due to CCJ around 5 years ago.

She went and saw a consultant and they offerered her finance if she couldnt pay for the op in one go....Paying back an extra £2K on £5.5K op over 5 years (£130 p/m)

Originally her mum was going to sign up and my gf just make the payments, however her mum has now changed her mind.

She is really upset and dissapointed and is constantly asking me if I will sign up on her behalf, i am reluctent to, although I love her to bits and see as "the one" I dont want to be left in £7.5K debt if things go wrong between us & she decides not to make the monthly payments. (I already have a £5K personal loan & about £2K on my credit card.)

All thoughts and advice are approciated, what would you do in my situation? Am I right to be cautious or just being selfish?

Thanks

Hi please think long and hard about this as a mother of a son who did exactly the same thing for his long term girlfriend, i am speaking from a BAD experience. They split up and he was left with the 5k loan to pay off and she walked away with new boobs! If your girlfriend is serious about going ahead then saving up is the best way to go about it, you could always offer to match any savings she could make in the future and give her an incentive to at least try. I know money will be tight with a new baby but as she grows out of things you could sell items to raise cash eg ebay and bootsales.
Hope everything works out for you BSB

aliasojo

margaretclare wrote: »

The point I tried to make was that there are things which are worth borrowing money for, and there are things which are not, because in the long-term they do not make a damn bit of difference.

Personally I agree with you BUT the point I was trying to make is that this may be our opinion and it may be the way you or I might live our lives, but it's not our place to say this should be the gf's opinion also.

Has this young woman not got any idea at all about WHY a woman has boobs in the first place? That she chose to have a child, apparently not being aware that body shape can alter a lot with pregnancy, childbirth and the postnatal period?

Unfair comment. It's really rather silly to assume things.

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margaretclare

aliasojo wrote: »

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I completely disagree with you. Surely there are things which make sense to most people - universal values, you could say.

I think this young woman is completely out-of-order. As I said, if she had the money and chose to spend it this way, that would be one thing. Pressurising those nearest to her - her mother and the father of her child - to take out a loan which they are obviously unwilling to do, is not my opinion, or the way I live my life. There may be reasons to explain why she feels this way, and there may be people who can help her with self-esteem, body image, depression, you name it, but in the present climate, with unemployment projected to rise and all the other bad news, taking out a loan is a very bad idea.

It seems obvious that this young woman has no idea why a woman has boobs or what they are for, and that is not a 'silly assumption', but a perfectly valid inference, drawn from all that we are told about her.

ailuro2

When every red top is littered with pictures of young women with young, fake boobs, it's hard not to think of that image as something 'normal' that most other people have.

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php (bare breasts in link- you have been warned..don't look if you'll be offended etc. etc. ) is the nearest I can find to a page I saw a while back with pictures of REAL women and their boobs - not many of us have celeb breasts, some of us are long, tiny, sagging, lopsided, nipples too low or different heights - that is normal, and with age comes a confidence that your partner loves and accepts them for what they are.;)

It takes a good year for a woman's body to get back to normal after childbirth - externally is only trhe visible signs. At 15 weeks she is a prime candidate for PNd showing up - have a word with your health visitor if you're worried and need a helping hand.

margaretclare

Had to smile. Me being offended at sight of bare boobs - no chance. We had coffee in the town centre of the Hook of Holland on Monday morning before catching the ferry back to Harwich. A young woman came in, baby obviously going 'feed me, feed me' and she sat down and did just that. The whole of her upper chest was covered in tattoos! But she was very modest about it all, had a shawl-type thing with which she covered herself and baby. No one could possibly have been offended.

AnnieM_3

Cripes! I just read what the OP said about his other half thinking he is out of order not taking out the loan! :mad: IMHO it is she who is out of order! My reasons fo feeling this are:

1. The credit crunch is looming over all our heads, so taking out new credit should really be avoided if possible.

2. The money to be spent paying back this loan would be far better spent on food, clothes and heating - again, as inflation keeps rising, who can afford to spend money on unneccessary things like fake boobs?

3. If the OP's gf is really suffering distress with her appearance, she should be visiting her doctor and arranging counselling, and possibly starting saving a bit each month to fund the operation herself if she still feels the same after counselling - if not, the money could go towards a holiday, or a pamper session etc..

I don't think it is unwise to consider what could happen if something happened and the relationship ended badly - there are plenty of stories on this forum where people have taken out loans for bf/gf etc. only to have it all go pear shaped and be left with the debt. Breakups make people behave oddly sometimes.

If the loan were to be for something really necessary (heart surgery done privately to avoid a waiting list so long she could die, for example), it would maybe be a different matter. As it is, I feel the underlying psychological issue of the OP's gf being distressed by her body should be addressed, before surgery is even considered. Well, that's my opinion anyway!

Whatever you decide OP, I don't think your gf has the right to attempt emotional blackmail over this - if it were me, that would immediately make me dig in my heels and refuse the loan ('I want' never gets)! She doesn't 'need' this surgery (unless a doctor refers her on the NHS as having body dismorphia and prescribes implants - if they even do that). Tell her you'll go to the doc's with her to discuss how she is feeling. Show her you care about her by telling her how beautiful you think she is. You don't need to throw money at her or the issue to show you are a caring, loving OH!

HTH - sorry it's a long post!

AnnieM x

aliasojo

margaretclare wrote: »

I completely disagree with you. Surely there are things which make sense to most people - universal values, you could say.

Of course there are, but who are any of us to judge someone for not sharing these values?

I completely understand the point of your comments and I even agree to an extent, but my point is that nothing (not even agreeing on these universal values) gives anyone the right to be judgemental.

Anyway, I'm aware that this discussion is taking the thread off topic so I'll bow out now and wish the OP luck in reaching a conclusion suitable to all.

*Louise*

I feel sorry for your girlfriend, she is obviously still feeling the effects of her pregnancy body and is looking for something to transform herself quickly. She needs a lot of encouragement and confidence boosting.

what I would do:
Sit her down and tell her you can see how unhappy she is and you would like to discuss it.

Ask her to give herself one year - save the £130 per month, partly to see if you can manage without that money, and partly so if she does go ahead with it, you have a chunk of the money to pay some off straight away.

Then, use that year to make her feel better about herself - tell her how much you love her and her body, even encourage counselling if she will go.

If after that year, she still desperately wants the op - then I think you should help her. And your relationship will benefit as well, as she won't be hiding herself from you any more.

MrsTinks

I agree with several posters so far:

Wait firstly to see if you want more kids - if you do then leaving surgery until AFTER the last one will be a good idea! Otherwise any changes might be ruined anyway...
It will also give her body chance to settle from the last baby if you wait a year and as others say - tell her to put away £130 away each month to see how you cope without that money...
I would say part of the deal is that she needs to go to councelling too. Boobs will NOT fix everything.
You might ask why a 32GG/H is taking such an interest in this? If you saw my mum you would know... Warning TMI coming up! My mum can literately tuck hers in her waistband... and pregnancy was the cause. SO... I have a fairly good chance of mine changing and not for the better! I'm VERY aware of the potential negative image effects but I've seen my mum live a very happy life with "saggy" boobs since she was younger than I am now... So as long as my husband loves me then I doubt very much I would want to do anything about them... and if i do I would certainly not get into debt for them!

rosie-lee

Dear OP

Do you actually, as a family have £130 floating around at the end of the month?

What do you normally spend this money on?

OR What will you be doing without in order to meet the monthly repayment?


Not asking to be nosey, merely for you to think about the answers to the questions.