Signing up for a loan on behalf of girlfriend who wants a boob job

debs66_2

as someone who works in this profession, i'd like to comment on a few posts on this subject.

to the person who posted the link for myfreeimplants, check it out again. basically girls take 'posed' (!) photographs of themselves and 'generous' men who 'feel sorry for them and want to help', donate money for the surgery. i had 2 women a couple of years ago who called for information based on their certainty that the money would be given to them this way just because they asked nicely. i checked out the site and was appalled. i didn't hold my breath waiting for them to return, and i was right.

re the scare stories, the UK cosmetic surgery industry is highly regulated by the Healthcare Commission, and many of the regulations are sterner than those implemented in the NHS. for instance, following NHS surgery the surgical equipment can be sterilised. within the private sector we must discard them and use new equipment each time. As far as we are concerned, we only use regulated private hospitals and consultant surgeons at the top of their career, usually practicing in NHS hospitals, but offering a private service outside of that time. Other surgeons do the same, for hip replacements to gynaecology. As cosmetic procedures are generally not available on the NHS, patients have little choice but to opt to go private.

The majority of people (and i do mean majority - 95%+) who opt for elective surgery, do so to remedy an area of their body that effects them well beyond the aesthetics. I see women who have never let their partners see them naked, and men and women who have been taunted from school age well into adulthood. I often chaperone the surgeon in consultation, and if some of you saw what i see, you would understand why some people would move heaven and earth to pay for procedures. It makes me feel lucky for what i have.
once their procedure has been done, they go off into the sunset a happier person, and never want anything else done again. I have never met a person who is a serial cosmetic surgery patient.

Regarding breast augmentation surgery post childbirth, no surgeon should touch a patient until she has stopped breast feeding for at least 3 months, and a return to pre-pregnancy weight has been achieved. Implants are sized to fit the patient's breast cavity, and if fitted and the patient loses a significant amount of weight, then more breast tissue would be lost, the cavity made larger, and subsequently the implant too small to give the shape required.

Back the the OP's question, however. Your partner is basically asking you to get a loan on her behalf (and btw, you can get a breast augmentation operation for around/just under £4000 in this country, and better finance options if you shop around and use this site). I cannot answer this question for you - no one can. You need to think hard about whether you can afford this financial demand as a family unit, not least whether you would get landed with the payments if you were to break up. The fact that this is a concern, leads me to believe that the relationship isn't as strong as it could be. if that's the case, then i personally wouldn't put my name to a loan.

JayB

Thanks for everyones replies, alot of good advice to take onboard.....

im still in 2 minds on what to do....I understand everyones feelings about getting a loan on someones behalf is risky, thats why I havent said yes. But she is really upset, as she puts it...shes had a the carrot dangled infront of her and now its been taken away.....

Ive said to her from the start that I wouldnt get a loan on her behalf due to the fact that I dont want to double my debt, my credit isnt brilliant so I may not even be able to get a loan in the current climate,

she is flipping it on me saying why should her mum have to get a loan out for her when im her boyfriend........if I wanted to make her happier I would do this ofr her.......she would do it for me if the situations were reversed.....etc she wasnt making things very easy last nite......

to debs post above, tanks for the info.....my gf has been advised that she need a breast augmentation and uplift, thus more expensive, at a rate of 14.9% apr with the hospital group, which isnt the best rate i admit.

regarding her body, I havent seen her boobs without a bra on for at least 2 years I would say, she is that unhappy about them. She feels upset that she cannot let her boyfriend see her body.

MrsTinks

And THAT my friend is emotional blackmail...

The point is the situation ISN'T reversed and let's face it you aren't likely to WANT a boob job I guess
Anyway - why not tell her she can have one by all means - but she has to save up for it. Tell her getting further into debt isn't going to help her, you or you as a family unit. What she is doing is trying to make you feel guilty - please don't let her!
We're not talking life saving surgery, we're not talking a family investment like a car, we're talking about her wanting to "spruce up" the package... For you to take out that extra debt right now would neither be helpful nor frankly responcible! Look at the current financial climate - what will happen if for some reason you are made redundant lord forbid, or things get even tighter financially for any reason? What will be first to go to repay this money? The car if you have one? House if you have one? Electric? Heating? Council tax? Rent? Good quality food for the kids and you?
Or will you end up with bad credit because of HER new shiny boobies? Imagine the worst happens and she leaves you - some other guy will be getting all the benefit of them lovely things and YOU will still be paying them off, paying child maintenance etc and she will be doing whatever she wants...
Sorry bud but i really really don't think taking out this finance is a good plan... If she wants them so badly she can save up for them! If she puts her back into it she should be able to buy a new set outright in less than a year.
£4000/£5000 in a year should be very doable

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

Whether she should have the Op isn't really the issue here - you've said it will 'double your debt' - you simply can't afford this operation, neither of you can. And that is why she cannot have it.

We're all here dealing with things we can't afford/problems this has caused us. Adding to that is only going to cause you resentment in the long run. She is behaving like this is an entitlement, when as others have pointed out, it's a luxury. My boobs have gone to pot after pregnancy and I'm only 25; I feel dreadful (sob!) but I can in no way afford plastic boobs, so I won't have them. End of. I'll deal with good bras instead.

Alias_Omega

I know someone who had kids, then had a BJ done on the NHS as it was affecting them mentally...

MrsTinks

And yet there are people waiting for hip replacements, people who can't have the "expensive" cancer drugs that can save/prolong their lives... Infact in some areas the ambulances don't have the drugs they should because it is deemed too expensive to carry on a fleet of ambulances so none of them have them...

Hope she's really happy with them and thinks about all the people who might have lived if the funding had been there for their drugs and not her breasts!

wendy+5

It isn't breast feeding that affects the shape of the breasts, it's pregnancy. So if she had the op and got pregnant next year, say, her breasts would still be affected by THAT not breast feeding.

debs66_2

re the surgery on the NHS, it is extremely rare nowadays, if not impossible for people to have an augmentation on the NHS. it did used to happen (in certain circumstances - depression etc), but the surgery is now classed as non emergency and there is no funding, or very little, with lengthy criterias, and very long waits (3years plus), with still no guarantees.

re the OP's partner, an uplift with implants is a bigger operation (length of procedure, skill and recovery), so the 5k plus mark is realistic. If your partner needs an uplift as well, that would lead me to believe her current condition is quite bad, which is why she is keeping herself under wraps. That said, my principal breast surgeon would be reluctant to perform an uplift on a younger woman (I am presuming she is in her early 20s?), as the uplift does involve more scarring, and scarring that is not hidden. You should also consider the recovery period, which would be longer than for a simple augmentation, and she would need lots of help with a small baby to lift etc.

I agree with the person who said that if the loan would double your debt, then you already having debt is an issue. I do sympathise with your partner, because i guarantee she will have empty, sagging sacks of skin, and the person who says she just wants 'shiny new boobs' is a long way off knowing what these women want to achieve.

my suggestion is that you do not dash all of her hopes with a 'no, never', but work together towards a long-term goal, which should involve paying off the debt you have, and working on her credit score in her own right. You are quite right that the financial market at present is very tight, and getting a loan is difficult, and probably more so for someone who already has an element of debt. if she sees the light at the end of the tunnel, even though the tunnel may be a long one, that may help put her desires on the back-burner.

good luck

JayB

Thanks again debs, you are exactly right when you describe the breasts as empty, sagging sacks of skin, thats how she describes them. She is 25 in december btw.

The surgeon did explain that there would be considerable scarring, from the nipple down..but would go in time which my gf was fine about.

I did mention to her last nite about making inroads to get her credit rating up to speed, whcih would take time, & in the meantime save up...suggested getting forein students in as we have a spare room not being used.

Mojisola

JayB wrote: »

she is flipping it on me saying why should her mum have to get a loan out for her when im her boyfriend........if I wanted to make her happier I would do this ofr her.......

As MrsTine said -blatant emotional blackmail!

Is she really willing to put the financial future of her family at risk so that she can have pert boobs? If this idea is dominating her thinking so much that she is losing her perspective on it then she should be getting some counselling - while she saves up some money.

Stick to your guns - you're making the right decision.